Just dont feel like doing it today

[hablur]

Hello all,

I just dont feel like trying to maintain today. The previous to this weekend I drank fri/sat then this last week thur/fri/sat/sun and today i really just want to say to hell with today. I posted my story entiteled "Could really use some guidance" in the Story board and it has me feeling kind of bad. Maybe not it but my wife is in depression again and I know it is going to be a bitch for me at home tonight. She wont be able to handle our little boy without getting upset and consequently no matter what i do I will get in trouble.

I just dont feel like dealing with it tonight and after my son goes to bed I just feel like haivng a few and playing computer games. I was thinking I would take three Kudzu when I get home tonight and hopefully it will stop me from drinkng too much. So far it hasnt done anything for cravings .. or is it supposed to?

Kinda pathetic that I am having more trouble abstaining now that I am trying than I was before. I normally keep my drinking to 2 to 4 times a week. Just so you know I am not trying for abstinance but moderation. At this point though I am not sure what moderation is.

[Guest]

Just dont feel like doing it today

Hal, moderation is where some of us go when we get a handle on things.Take the Kudzu. before you get home.Perhaps take home some flowers and take out to diffuse the situation at home? Depression is hard, I have it. I know my husband has had to deal with it and is a veteran with it. Just try to be understanding with her. Keep your focus about your drinking, you don't want to feel bad tomorrow. We're here
Smiles
Mary

[hablur]

Just dont feel like doing it today

bump pls

[dmarchelak]

Just dont feel like doing it today

I am so proud to hear that you are putting your son first! I really wished that my mum was as strong as you are now. Please keep it up, one day you will see how much he is greatful for how strong you have been.
I promise!!
Keep it up and take care dude!! x

[ScoobyDoo]

Just dont feel like doing it today

Hab... wow... it sounds like a really tough situation you're dealing with here. I don't know what the answer is but I know it won't be lying in the bottom of a bottle.

It sounds like you've got 2 separate issues that need addressing, and that (maybe?) the depression in your wife is contributing to your feeling of wanting to cut yourself off, which is understandable. Have you sought counseling for dealing with your wifes behavior patterns when she's depressed? If not, I think this could be really helpful, as it's obviously a trigger for your drinking.

I feel really bad for you in this situation. Don't shut yourself off from us. Talk as much as you want. Women are good supporters, and there's enough of us here. We will help you along the path.

My suggestion for tonight is to do something for you. After your little guy goes to bed, go for a walk. Maybe try the flowers thing and suggest that you both go for a walk together after dinner (with him too) and if she's not up for thta, just take yourself out for a walk after he goes to bed. If that one is out of the question, maybe you could buy a new book or something relaxing which doesn't involve those triggers (ie computer games... I can relate to drinking with PC games) to help break that cycle. I think if you were to have another consecutive drinking day you will end up feeling really down too.

*hug*
Doo

[hablur]

Just dont feel like doing it today

ScoobyDoo and all, thanks for the replies. She is in treatment for Bi-Polar. She happens to be in a depressive phase atm. She sees her councilor tomorrow. Unfortunately, I know that it is a trigger for me when she is down and having a really rough day. Sometimes, like today, I just can't feel strong enough. I often have troubles taking care of myself because I expend so much energy making sure my son is taken care of and that she is taken care of as well. My home like is extremely stressful because I travel and my wife is really ill with not just Bi-Polar but Chrons Disease, plus we have a son in his terrible twos.

I know I am sounding like I am am the pitty pot atm and I guess I am.. I just feel really strained on some days and today happens to be one. Hehe, you may say I feel strained at least 2 times a wekk The trouble with drinking is it makes all that go away!

[Guest]

Just dont feel like doing it today

Oh Habs,I remember now, (my ex-husband had chron's disease). That with bi-polar disorder.That is a lot on you plate and a 2 year old. A 2 year old is hard work when everything is good. Take your kudzu. try your best with the Mrs. and post a lot after little one is down for the evening. Man, I wish I could give better advice.
Mary

[ScoobyDoo]

Just dont feel like doing it today

It sure is a LOT on your plate!

I can really relate to alcohol making it easier to deal with (blotting it out) but you know that the booze won't make tomorrow any easier to deal with.

Hab I really do think that you need to find something that relaxes you and does something to nurture YOU. It might take a while to find, but my idea of exercise could be a big help. It will help clear your head and let you just focus on you for a while in a simple state without distractions.

I really feel for you! I can tell you, I'd be feeling pity on myself too, so don't feel bad for asking for help.

Can you ask her counselor to recommend a counselor for you, to help deal with the total situation?

At the vey least, at least the terrible two's doesn't last forver so that will all get easier, and yes being a mum of 2 older boys, the terrible two's is such hard work for both parents!

Doo

[stollies1]

Just dont feel like doing it today

hablur;123444 wrote:
I know I am sounding like I am am the pitty pot atm and I guess I am.. I just feel really strained on some days and today happens to be one. Hehe, you may say I feel strained at least 2 times a wekk The trouble with drinking is it makes all that go away!

Hi there Hablur,
The trouble with drinking is that drinking is trouble! It doesnt make things go away, it just lets us go away from doing what we have to do.....It's the drunks great ally to hit lifes bumps in the road, it always gives you a good excuse to get blind.You have to teach yourself to get past it without resorting to drinking yourself into a stuppour.
I'm sorry for your situation but I'm sorry for your wife too.I'm sure its " going to be a bitch for you" but Im equally sure its going to be pretty tough on her too and just as tough on your kid. Maybe you will find it easier, to keep the booze to a minimum, if you take the high ground and be the nuturing source for everyone there. I know its hard for you, but thats just the way life is some times.
I'm sorry if this sounds a bit hard but having been a raging drunk for years wallowing in my own self pity, I see it now as an easy excuse for not addressing my behavoir and not dealing head on with my problems.
I hope you can find a happy medium for everyone there and I wish you luck.
Victoria xxooxx

[Guest]

Just dont feel like doing it today

Hi Habular!

You really do have a lot to worry about; trying to take care of yourself, your wife and your son. It's hard enough to balance it all when everything is fine.

I have a little 13 month old baby girl who is the light of my life; she is walking and running everywhere, new teeth coming through (she almost has her full set) and sometimes it's exhausting keeping up with her. I often negect my husband needs and everything because I am so focused on her right now. I never want her to grow up thinking 'you were never there mom'.. I could not handle that on my mind. I think it's truly wonderful that you are really looking after your son as I know and heard of lots of men who really don't; regardless of the their wife's situation.

Try to take care of yourself; there is so much on your shoulders right now but think how worse it really could be. Imagine how bad tomorrow would be if you woke up with a MoFo of a headache and feeling bad about yourself on top of that. Try taking the pills and see if that helps. It seems much easier at the time just to drink ourselves stupid, we know.

Thoughts are with you,
GG

[Kimmy]

Just dont feel like doing it today

Hi Habular

Take the Kudz, put you little boy to bed and come here - right down a to do list and try to stick to it - you know what you need to do you also know what you want to do and what would be the easier of the two - so make the decision just like you did when you first went to google and found this place - and once everything is ticked of your list then think about what you want to do.

We all need a bit of structure at times like this - This is what I am doing I remember the lengths I would go to get a drink now I concentrate on what I need to do and get that done first - and by the end of it I dont want or need the drink.

[spincycle]

Just dont feel like doing it today

I'm having to give up games as well for now. If I even see Texas Hold em, Battlefield, etc.. my mouth wants whiskey. Be strong buddy.

ScoobyDoo;123441 wrote: Hab... wow... it sounds like a really tough situation you're dealing with here. I don't know what the answer is but I know it won't be lying in the bottom of a bottle.

It sounds like you've got 2 separate issues that need addressing, and that (maybe?) the depression in your wife is contributing to your feeling of wanting to cut yourself off, which is understandable. Have you sought counseling for dealing with your wifes behavior patterns when she's depressed? If not, I think this could be really helpful, as it's obviously a trigger for your drinking.

I feel really bad for you in this situation. Don't shut yourself off from us. Talk as much as you want. Women are good supporters, and there's enough of us here. We will help you along the path.

My suggestion for tonight is to do something for you. After your little guy goes to bed, go for a walk. Maybe try the flowers thing and suggest that you both go for a walk together after dinner (with him too) and if she's not up for thta, just take yourself out for a walk after he goes to bed. If that one is out of the question, maybe you could buy a new book or something relaxing which doesn't involve those triggers (ie computer games... I can relate to drinking with PC games) to help break that cycle. I think if you were to have another consecutive drinking day you will end up feeling really down too.

*hug*
Doo

[hablur]

Just dont feel like doing it today

Well all I didn't succeed in avoidance last night but I learned some important things.

1. Taking a 3 Kudzu drastically reduced how much and how quickly I drank. I took it about 2 hours before I started.

2. I for once felt horrible getting up, maybe because of the Kudzu? I never get hangovers btw. Maybe because I drink a lot of watter before going to sleep.

3. I felt guilty but also a little proud that I drank only 6 beers instead of 8 to 12. I know that might not seem like an accomplishment but it is to me!

4. Today is a much better day.

I will continue down this road and want to thank you all for your words of encouragement and advice. I have been trying to think of ways I can change some of my thought processes and other ways to handle things and with time and trolling these boards I hope to get there.

:thanks:

[ScoobyDoo]

Just dont feel like doing it today

Ohhh Hab... the most important thing is that you're making progress. Good on you! I think going from 8/12 down to 6 is a great accomplishment.

Perhaps when you're ready you could try the 30 days AF... I'm only on day 4 but I feel terrific for it... even just knowing that I will be AF for this 30 days makes me feel healthy and strong.

Hang in there Hab. I still think you need to talk to someone about how to manage your family situation so you don't reach for the bottle. In Australia, the public hospitals here offer a free drug and alcohol counseling service for exactly your sort of situation... maybe they offer that in your country? I'm a bit sceptical about counseling, but I think in your situation, you just need some tools to help you deal with it all.

Doo

[hablur]

Just dont feel like doing it today

Doo,

You are absolutely correct. I could really use the help of a councilor but between work, travel, taking care of wife and son the only time I have is really after the bitty boy goes to sleep.

My wife met with her councilor again today and she told my wife she was clinically depressed again and that I need to do even more. She recommended that my wife treat herself like a baby for a week. What that means is that no matter what everyday after work I take full responsibility for my bitty boy and my wife.

I am ok with that because we are still in the early stages of her recovery and getting all her meds straightened out.

I now feel that I am in recovery too I have found this great place called MWO and so far I have found this place a saving grace. Not only does everyone here understand but they also really care.

In my book that is worth a 1000 councilors that will drudge up things from the past and magnify those issues. Ya ever wonder if it is really worthwhile to rehash the past? I really dont think it helps much other than teach you lessons. I am approaching this a day at a time with my head on straight (or at least attached) and find that the future is what life holds for me, not what I have done in the past.

By thinking this way it really helps me... now I just need to realize and attain some skills for my own benefit and not just those for my family. I get that from my Mom and Dad... Family first no matter what.