Hey guys :'-(

[dmarchelak]

Hey guys :'-(

Thanks Louise I really appreciate ur avdvise, I got an aunty in new zealand who I feel supports me, she is my mums twin sister and she was really anxious about how my mum was during the periods where mum was hospitalised for liver and brain problems, I know it sounds stupid but you saying that means alot to me, its like getting more words of support.

Chris, thankyou for your words, they are so kind, I am in the UK so we get free medicines and stuff like that, but its just getting the bottle to be able to see the doctor and tell him I have a problem in the first place. I keep thinking that whoever I telly my story to, they willl judge me and not accept all the facts that have to be accepted when it comes to my relationship with my mother. I hear what you say say nick and its really inspirational to me, but personally I just dont think I can ever be that sort of person who can meet someone and only have a couple of drinks and be social, I will always be that person who ruins everything by getting dates to buy me spirits, and get so trashed that theyd rather not know me anymore, and I dont blame them because to be hones I think I would be exactly the same if I experienced that, although I did experience worse, my mum was an alcohol dependent bitch, who decided to go out with a heroin/crack addict boyfriend, that rteally tore me into shreds when she chose him because I felt that I was her son (which I am) but I thought that she could listen to me no matter what I said, but she chose him, which was probably rejection no:20 and I cant face it since i love her. shes okay now though, shes not drinking, i really think she probably would benefit by visiting this forum and expressing her own feelings about how she felt durin g her "low" period. I never gave up on mum, even though her brothers and sisters did for a while, I know I was about 10 but I was far more mature than your usual 10 year old, but I guess I had to be fgor the sake of the family. I have no regrets for being there for any of them, they are the most precious thing to me, and seeing my mother drink that much really affected me, thats probably why I am alcohol dependent each fucking day, and i hate it, its a demon that I wish could just fuck off and leave me alone, because I feel judged constantly.

I see my mum now and I can see that she is happy deep inside, thats the feeling I wish I had, I know I will get that feeling eventually, but it will take some work and I know that. Sorry did I go on a bit there, I didnt mean to xx

I did have a few drinks tonite. I'm so sorry for my behaviour! x

[irishlady]

Hey guys :'-(

Dan,

It seems when God was giving out lives you got a bit of a short straw there, but we can only work with what we are given...

Having read a bit more about your early life I can understand why you are who you are... My childhood was pretty rotten and it followed me into my adult life, for almost 50 years I kept it alive in my head and nearly every time I got drunk I would go through it reliving all the hurt and pain... It takes a lot of work to get rid of it all and let it go, its in the past and there is nothing we can do to change it..... As long as you hold on to memories like that you will never move on with your life, I know as I have been there.... You may be able to stop drinking on a physical level, but you must try to get some help to sort out the emotional side of things.. Until you learn to let go of all that anger and pain inside you there will always be a reason for you to drink...

As for your mum choosing someone else over you when you were a child, well she is human to and at that time she was prey to her own demons and living in a dark place...

You say that alcohol is a demon and you wish it would leave you alone.. Well demons are conjured up by our own imagination, we are in control of that, so you can get rid of your demon, it won't be easy as I said before, but we WILL help you, you are going to have to learn how to let go...

Start today, why don't you just buy your mum a bunch of flowers and give her a hug, surprise her and you may be surprised as well at the feeling YOU will get from such a simple action...

I want you to keep posting and reading on here as well, try to get it all out, and try just for today not to drink, don't look to tomorrow yet, just for today... Plan your evening so you are kept busy, come on here for a few hours and talk to us, its amazing how much that helps...

Take care,

Love, Louise xx

[Guest]

Hey guys :'-(

Dan,

Everyone else has pretty much covered everything I could ever think about.. I feel for you buddy. Do this for you and your body. You deserve to be happy.

[dilayne]

Hey guys :'-(

Dan,
You are so brave and courageous to be coming here for support. That tells me alot about you. Louise and everyone else has said it all. Many of us came up with similar backgrounds..the circumstances may not have been exactly the same, but the damage to the psyche and our emotional senses is there too.

I wondered if your aunt could provide any help that you may need getting with the program.

Also, I wanted to say that I understand how it may be hard to invision yourself without the thoughts and the temptations that you have today..and your looking to the past for solutions to your problems, like the pot..But, I truly believe that change begins with that very vision..so my suggestion would be to begin visualizing yourself strong, happy, whole and healthy..spend time seeing yourself that way, feeling that way. When you feel the 'demons' coming on...(and I agree completely with Louise about demons just being conjurred up by our own imaginations) that you can turn them into angels if you want to.

Think of all the reasons you can do this instead of the reasons that you can't. I believe that your desire to come here and to talk about this is a very powerful thing..call it your angels motivating you..God, or whatever, but whatever it is..it is beautiful and you can trust it..trust the motivation that you have for seeking answers, it will lead you to peace and a wonderful life.

Namaste!
Dianne

[Lotus]

Hey guys :'-(

Dan

Please please please do not use cannabis in place of alcohol. My husband has been smoking pot for several years plus drinking and when I decided to go AF I started to make myself some "strong" joints, but I found it left me in a worse state. And I'm not even a heavy "user". I was getting paranoid, checking things 10x over and over again. I've noticed that when I did start I was in what I call "la-la land". I've stopped using it, but my husband does use it daily and it is affecting our relationship as he "never there" mentally.

Try to order supps to help you. Also try not to replace the booze with something else. That way you feel as if you are giving something up. Think that you are gaining something, your soberiety and the chance to enjoy life 100%.

I wish you all the best.
Mandy x

[betty boop]

Hey guys :'-(

Hi Dan,

How are you feeling today, unfortunately cannabis is a depressant the same as alcohol, so you are probably feeling really low today, but if you can stop the vicious circle that you are, you really will feel better, I used to drink to take away anxiety but when I finally realised that the hangovers and guilt were causing the anxiety then I started to win.

It isn't easy, but I promise you that it is worth it .....

Do the best that you can for yourself love xx

[hereatlast]

Hey guys :'-(

dan
i am in the uk please go and see your gp just tell him you are depressed im sure he wont give you any of the meds on here but ask to be referred for counselling it will be free, you have to let go of the past and move forward if your mum messed up your life so far you have the power to stop it now and take control of the rest of your life. go to holland and barret and get kudzu l glutamine its cheaper than booze or cannabis, that will make you paranoid whether you think so or not please please dont ruin your life only you can make things happen go on ring your gp.

[dilayne]

Hey guys :'-(

I agree with all the statements about canibus..I think it has detrimental effects in the long run...I used to smoke it but realized that it made me feel stupid..then I realized, it did make me stupid! The people that I've known that have used it long term seem to lack motivation..so I fear it also can keep you from moving forward in the ways that you want to.
Good Luck!
d

[Kimmy]

Hey guys :'-(

Dan, you are so young and you have your whole life ahead of you, but you are still the only one that can change it - do you not have a family support group you and your Mom could join or a priest or pastor that you could go to for some counselling. The cannabis is not the answer I know you feel better, it also makes time disappear and for some of us it?s the time spent thinking about everything that turns us to our ?Voddy? alcohol partner, alcohol lover or what ever you want to call it, But tomorrow those troublesome issues are still there ? we all need to deal with them ? the best way we can. Asking for help is the first step ? you have done this now come back here and post and read yes the things suggested cost money but so does life cost and I would rather spend everything on life, to live it and love it than to let it pass me by ? I have wasted to much time doing that. You are young and can start life ? living and loving.

I don?t know if I have said anything of benefit to you because all I want to do is give you a great big hug and tell you that everything is going to be alright. Good Luck and God Bless.
:l :l :l :l

[southernbelle47]

Hey guys :'-(

:l :l Dan :l :l


Listen to these people Dan.
You are young...this is no way to live.
There is Hope.
Ask for help.
Nancy

[happycamper68]

Hey guys :'-(

Dan,

I really am so glad you found this place - there are a couple of young people on here that I aspire to be and that I have told I would be proud to have as my own kids. You are half my age- you could be my kid. I know what it is like to have a bad childhood because of a parent with alcohol, my dad ruined mine and my mom died when I was 23 and she was a great parent. I wish I was smart enough to be as aware of my problem at your age (I don't think my drinking really escalated until later though), but I am glad you are as self aware as you are.

I think you will come a long way once you have the clarity of mind that you need. On some level right now you could be jealous, resentful of your mom because she finally has it together and you don't, after all the crap she put you through. I would be pretty pissed!! I think you could definitely do with some therapy and assistance with getting yourself through DT'ing from the booze AND the pot. You've got to get off of these things and cannot do it alone. And you should call your nice aunt. :h