Addiction has it's hold on me!!

[Sake123]

I have talked more about my upcoming vacation in the last 47 days than I have ever talked about a trip. My mind is set on alcohol at the present time. The rule is...I just don't drink. End of story. But I have not made up my mind about drinking on vacation. I know this about myself because I would not be obsessing on it otherwise.

I have talked to my therapist about it, as well as the people on this board. Why is it so hard to just commit, make a promise to myself that I will NOT drink on vacation!?!?!

I don't want to start over (don't even know that I would). If I start drinking on vacation, I'm pretty sure I'd stay on that path for a long time to come. So...after all the heartache and years of stress over my ever increasing, daily drinking, Why am I'm still "afraid" about my up coming vacation?

I'm not asking for sympathy here. I know that either I stay sober or choose to drink. It's very simple. But my thoughts about drinking on vacation are overwhelming me right now. It's like I've almost made up my mind that I will drink. But then I go back to the idea of how awesome I will feel to know I made it through my vacation without drinking. I've started thinking about what to do instead. And how I'll feel great waking up in the morning without a hangover.

Truth is, the last few years of vacation (same place every year). While I certainly drank...I never really got wasted. Just a few, each and every night.

What the hell is wrong with me!?!?!?! Why am I'm trying to defeat my sobriety before I've even boarded the plan.

Feeling conflicted and frustrated with myself.

[gettinitright]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Don't pick up that first drink. We trick ourselves to thinking we can do it. We can't. Enjoy your vacation without the pain!

[free at last]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Sake, can I suggest that you commit to daily meditation between now and through your vacation. Just giving yourself 10 minutes every day to reflect on "who am I" "what do I want" and "what is my path" can help you begin to live in the moment instead of focusing on something down the road.

You have come so far. The fact that you posted this thread tells us that you don't want to blow this quit. You can do this.

[K9Lover]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Sake - This reminds me of another member that had 7 weeks sober and decided to drink on vacation. We begged and pleaded with him to NOT DRINK. I will look for the threads. Our predictions were spot on. I don't think he is part of MWO anymore, sadly.

[K9Lover]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Here you go:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ion-74992.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...art-77178.html

[Samstone]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Sake
Here's a thought for you. You're obsessing about the not drinking. Try obsessing on ENJOYING YOUR SOBRIETY. The positive instead of the negative will make you see what you have to gain, not what you've lost. To drink is to fall back in the abyss. To enjoy sobriety is to live out of the fog. I've done several weekend events where everyone drinks but me, and I enjoyed every morning without any regrets or pounding headaches. Try it, you will be surprised how good it can be!
Be thinking of you
Sam

[free at last]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Hi Sake, agree with Samstone. Also bumped up your journal, as your post of 10-15 was that of a woman who knew that she wanted to be done with AL. Thought that reading it again, and again, and again might be helpful.

Today, when I was have so AL thoughts, I re-read my "on becoming joyfully AF" thread. It really helped remind me that this is a process, not an event.

Stay strong and focused on your goals.

[Rip557]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Problem is you are associating alcohol with good times, namely a vacation. Are all the people around you going to drink? Takes a long time, but eventually (7mo now for me) its suddenly going to dawn on you in your RATIONAL mind that alcohol and "fun" are not really synonomous with one another. I wake up the next day and am happy. No hangover, fog, wondering what I did, and I am better off than those folks that were drinking. That's way better then the few moments of laughs and stupidity the night before.

I was recently put to the test last week when I had an old friend I used to get hammered with come to town. Had him over at the house and I dont think he spent one moment not sucking down a beverage. Was awkward, and I didnt feel one bit envious when I really looked.

Probably the first time I REALLY saw myself in the mirror. Guy drank constantly till he passed out, and wasn't interested in too much besides the next drink. I was thankful I didnt do that anymore. Next morning giving him a ride to work, he didnt even remember half of the evening. I thought to myself "Gee, that was a waste of my f*cking time" Even left some booze in my fridge and they will most likely be there until somebody else wants it, or the wife cleans out the fridge.

Could I have one and walk away now? Yes I am pretty sure. But what would be the point of that? Best you just close that chapter in your life and move on bud. Vacations come and go. The rest of your life does not.

Good luck to you!
Rip

[Sake123]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Thank you ALL so much! What an amazing blessing to have this forum and the wise and wonderful people on it! So many good tips on this thread!! Some take aways
1) Focus on the positive enjoyment of being sober vs worrying about NOT drinking
2) Meditate..
3) Print/read my journal posts. Remind myself of the joyful gift I've given myself. It's not to be taken for granted!!
4) Learn from other peoples misfortune. K9 - Thank you for the links...I will be reading them.
4) Enjoy my vacation and really appreciate the freedom we have.

A heartfelt THANK YOU for the support and understanding I have found and continue to find on this forum. What a bunch of rock stars!!!!

[Sake123]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Rip - You're so right! I have a friend like that too. Maybe I should invite her over so I can be reminded!

Two of the people we are going with are big drinkers. My husband is not. I will try to focus on having a good time and enjoying a sunrise or two. Never did before...too busy sleeping it off.
Thanks!!

[Sake123]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

And I will now point out that my grammar sucks. LOL...Addiction has "its" hold on me!

[Rip557]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Take a step back and look at the heavy drinkers behavior and ask yourself what you are really missing out on. Try to come up with 5 or even 3 things I dare ya, LOL.

I find myself being very uncomfortable around people who are drinking excessively, as hypocritical as that sounds, though I don't judge anyone.

It will get easier as a whole lot of people on here will tell ya.

Have a good time!

[Lavande]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Sake,
Don't torture yourself!
Drinking is a decision. Decide not to drink!

Enjoy your vacation, make great memories, take wonderful pictures & come home healthy, happy with no regrets

[free at last]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Sake, amazing how in a few short hours you can come up with a plan and strengthen your resolve.

Renewing your vows is such a special thing to do -- even better to do it having been AF.

Great to see your positive postings this evening.

[Sake123]

Addiction has it's hold on me!!

Rip - can't think of much at all. Except for the warm/relaxed feeling that is enjoyed for a very short glimpse of time...then it moves into drunkenness and then hung over. So can't really say I miss much. Oh, loss of motor skills. that's a fun one!

Lavande - You are so right. It's just that I have wrestled with myself over that decision. It is a firm resolve at present but I am afraid I will forget all about it while on vacation. I can't even describe my angst about it really.

Free - Yes, renewing vows sober and sans hangover will be amazing.

Thanks again everyone!!