Forgivness
Re: Forgiveness
WOW! I have worked for years to try to forgive my parents. But I don't think you have to forgive someone until you really feel ready. It's funny. I've been re-reading Jane Eyre, and Jane goes back to visit her abusive aunt who kicked her out of her house and sent her to a school for charity orphans. She is called back to her aunt's deathbed, and she is able to be kind to her, not because her aunt deserves it but because Jane has outgrown her anger. The Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur has fascinated me because it calls Jews to ask for forgiveness and to grant it to those who ask. The most painful part of having been abused is the righteousness of the abuser. And when the abuser is a parent, we as child, question our sanity. Was he right to do this? Was she right? Did I deserve it? Am a really that bad? So our job, I guess is to heal before we can forgive. You're good. You're better than they are. They were monsters. A man who punches his daugher in the face is a monster. A mother who knows she lives with a man who has punched his daughter in the face and who does not intervene on her behalf is a monster. Maybe not for his or her entire life, but in that moment. Before you can rest, you must be strong enough to be the knight who slays the monster. Personally, I don't hold with Bradshaw, but I do think you need to marshall your army, whatever that may be...and by army, I mean loving army, helping army, but an army of strategists, who can give you the verbal and emotional weaponry to face the good fight. By "good fight" I don't mean battling your parents. I mean gaining your own peace, your own victory, your own strength. From the looks of this board, I think that's what we are all about here.
Re: Forgiveness
WOW! I have worked for years to try to forgive my parents. But I don't think you have to forgive someone until you really feel ready. It's funny. I've been re-reading Jane Eyre, and Jane goes back to visit her abusive aunt who kicked her out of her house and sent her to a school for charity orphans. She is called back to her aunt's deathbed, and she is able to be kind to her, not because her aunt deserves it but because Jane has outgrown her anger. The Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur has fascinated me because it calls Jews to ask for forgiveness and to grant it to those who ask. The most painful part of having been abused is the righteousness of the abuser. And when the abuser is a parent, we as child, question our sanity. Was he right to do this? Was she right? Did I deserve it? Am a really that bad? So our job, I guess is to heal before we can forgive. You're good. You're better than they are. They were monsters. A man who punches his daugher in the face is a monster. A mother who knows she lives with a man who has punched his daughter in the face and who does not intervene on her behalf is a monster. Maybe not for his or her entire life, but in that moment. Before you can rest, you must be strong enough to be the knight who slays the monster. Personally, I don't hold with Bradshaw, but I do think you need to marshall your army, whatever that may be...and by army, I mean loving army, helping army, but an army of strategists, who can give you the verbal and emotional weaponry to face the good fight. By "good fight" I don't mean battling your parents. I mean gaining your own peace, your own victory, your own strength. From the looks of this board, I think that's what we are all about here.
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