I'm Guilty

[Elizabeth]

:upset: When I first saw this site I thought it was a blessing... I still do and I am very happy that I joined subscription. I did however realise very fast that I probably did not belong here. Why you may ask? I can give but one answer. I read all your threads about hard times, really hard times and how you coped .... and I've learnt a lot... but they are not realistic to where I am or from which I come from, because here you have to become strong very fast if you are going to LIVE. I come from a very strange generation... neither am I a British European nor am I a black African. I am just a KENYAN and incrediably proud of it... It is my breath, soul and life. I chose at a relatively young age to keep my Kenya Citizenship and kiss good bye to all the frills of a European family life and believe me it was a decision that had many repercusions! I was seen as the deserter. I admire and take my hat off to you all and thank you for being there... but ' I don't actually belong in your world'. I can relate to the worse things that have happened to you because they have happened to me... the only difference is that in my world I have had no backing except for my love for my country, which makes me bullsy and specific, and people from the rest of the world either love or hate it.... There is no space for middle people here. Here we are totally reliant on ourselves or not. I only relate to those who have proven themselves the same simply by ignoring the bullshit reigns here!!!! if you are foolish enough to believe in it and be swallowed up by it here ... well you're stuffed! I will proudly stand by truth til I die.

Its all about surviving +. I believe life is all about fighting for what you believe in... as long as truth is involved and I believe in Kenya and faith in the goodness of people worldwide where ever we are.

I live in a world that is totally male orientated except for a few. 1 Kakuyu Kenyan lady was given the noble prize for fighting lethal Kenyan politicians who tried to kill her and her following for saving our forrestry (but I bet none of you even know her name even though she was in 'Time Magazine' after getting her well worth Noble Price); and a hand full x 100 of us head strong characters in a population of millions basically stood tall and decided not to put up with bullshit and backed her. She was our saviour.

I am a very simply person. I don't pretend to be special or clever (in fact the reason I have experienced so much in life is because I rush in where Angles fear to thread!' ) I love to walk barefoot on African soil. Its all I know, love, understand and is my home (in this life and others befor). I have a drink problem but I have a lot of other deamons to sort out that are far worse... but I believe in a power. I don't pretend to be anything special but I believe in good and that, as far as I am concerned means everything.

Please forgive me for speaking from my heart. I am thankful for knowing you all and need to know you are there, though you will probably castigate me for this. This bush baby, with an attitude needs to talk to you. Please don't trash me for it.... I am talking from my heart. I wish I could talk about my bad times as easily as some as you do but I can't........ its not part of survival in the bush, and the bush is my life.

I am however grateful for MWO and the incrediable amount I have learnt so quickly from you.

[Preciouspinot]

I'm Guilty

I don't know of your world...can only imagine but, "the truth" is always a good place to start.....healing comes from reflection from within

[tawnyfrog]

I'm Guilty

Elizabeth - I believe you're talking about Wangari Maathai. I've been following her work for years.

And I truly believe you can belong to anywhere you wish to belong.

My very best to you.

[Guest]

I'm Guilty

Elizabeth, different lives, different cultures, different values Same Problem----ALCOHOL--.
Not you honey, I love your posts and insights. I love telling people I have a friend in Africa. I admire very much. Please Consider staying around
Love You
Mary

[Elizabeth]

I'm Guilty

Tawny... you got it in one...thanks, you're great
Simey... you are magic.
...Can't help talking from my heart, but this kind of thread is bound to piss people off. PART OF WHY I DRINK!

[dilayne]

I'm Guilty

Elizabeth...precious Elizabeth..you are different, and I feel it..and am honored and humbled by your being here...from the beginning when you first posted...of course, you are completely validified by your perspective...most of us have no idea of your world...but there is something that I want to say..in my most incapable way, is that beneath all of the cultural influences that we have all been born into, there is a deeper, more expansive perspective...our addictions to alcohol can kill us, or it can lead us beyond the surface level of our knowing....you must know that there is something greater than what you have been taught in your culture...something greater than we have been taught in our culture, and we are all being called to it....the first sign of comprehending this truth..whatever you want to call it is to flee....run like hell into the sunset, but once you are called, there is no turning back. I love your precense here, and I need you to be here..please don't go away. You have much to teach here, much to give, THAT is your calling.
Namaste,
Dianne

[dilayne]

I'm Guilty

please forgive my poor spelling..I am a visual artist and feel completely incompetent when it comes to expressing myself with words..I hope that I made my point.
Much Love,
Dianne

[Elizabeth]

I'm Guilty

Dilayne - Visual artists are most important in this world... they see things coming. XX

[Pisces]

I'm Guilty

I too am humbled. and I',m pissed, I live the the most beatiful place in the world, and yet I'm pissed. I'm not much help but I send my love.
Jasmin

[Elizabeth]

I'm Guilty

Preciouspinot - truth, I believe I was born with ....healing can never be a reflection (a reflection is a mirror image) healing has to be a real thing, either intigated by a gardian angle or resultant of a soul that has the guts to step forwards and not look back at their reflection.

[Pisces]

I'm Guilty

I love my town, beaches, islands, everything, why am I a hopeless shit? I'm trying, again I send love

[Breez]

I'm Guilty

We all have one thing in common- using MWO to help each other journey from one stage to another with our battle with alcohol.

I love the diversity here. For me it's always nice to get someone else's perspective-it allows for growth. I always like reading your posts Elizabeth. Please reconsider b/c I do feel you do belong here.

[trixietrack]

I'm Guilty

i don't feel that your thread is offensive or hard or wrong. I am struggling with a similar issue.
I don't feel like I belong here either, but something keeps bringing me back.
I truly think that what you say about people truly being reliant on themselves or not is something I grew up with and is part of me. being Colombian might have something to do with it, and being In New York City accentuates it.

[Preciouspinot]

I'm Guilty

Point very well taken Elizabeth ..maybe introspection is a better word

[Elizabeth]

I'm Guilty

SeaBreez what is b/c?

Trix you sound the same as me. Be strong and fly... you can do whatever you want.

Why when I'm most beat am I the strongest? Some one is looking after me for sure... may not deserve it but she is there for sure.

Ps. However independent we are (& I fly the flag!!) this place has a magicness (new invented word!) and when I am home in town I will log on to see how fellow MWO residents are. If they don't want to know me that is not a prob, but I'll keep learning from them.