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Selfish - but for a good reason

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    #1

    Selfish - but for a good reason

    Just had a call from a friend of mine, who asked me over for a braai. She has a wonderful partner, but he works long hours and I know that she often feels lonely. I hated doing so, but told her that I'd already made plans for the evening. I'm just not ready yet to go out in such a setting.

    I guess I could have used the same "painkiller" excuse I used last night, but I think that at some point during the evening I would have had my arm twisted to have "just a glass of wine" - and that arm is made of rubber and is so easy to twist.

    So, I'm home alone, she's home alone, and I do feel bad about turning her down, but I know I made the right decision. And we all know that the right decisions are sometimes the most difficult ones, not so?
    14 October 2013 was the first day of the best days of my life!
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    #2
    Selfish - but for a good reason

    Definitely the right decision. You can always chat on the phone if you are both lonely. She doesn't have to know that you are sipping tea instead of wine. Rather be safe than sorry.
    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
    Lao-Tzu

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      #3
      Selfish - but for a good reason

      I agree with SS Dream. Well done. I know it's tough to stay out of the fray.
      What is a Braai if I may ask?

      :l
      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

      Comment

        #4
        Selfish - but for a good reason

        Thanks you two - guess I just needed some reassurance. It's was hard to turn down her invitation when I know her circumstances. But, I think that if she knew mine, she would understand.

        Kradle, a braai is a barbeque (only we do it a lot better :H:H).
        14 October 2013 was the first day of the best days of my life!

        Comment

          #5
          Selfish - but for a good reason

          Wise choice, Dream! You are taking care of YOU, and that is most important at this stage of the game. I try my best to avoid as many tempting situations as possible this early in my quit. Just makes it a little bit easier. Hope you are having a wonderful day (or evening).

          xoxo Star
          :heartbeat:

          Star:star:

          08-13-15

          I am only one drink away from never being sober again.

          Comment

            #6
            Selfish - but for a good reason

            Another bit of reassurance coming your way, DTD. You did exactly the right thing. Perhaps get together for a coffee or something during the week.
            I'll admit now I lived like a hermit for my first few weeks.

            :goodjob: to you.
            It could be worse, I could be filing.
            AF since 7/7/2009

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              #7
              Selfish - but for a good reason

              Absolutely the right thing to do DTD.
              It's Ok to say 'no' any time, but particularly now.
              Maybe a nice Sunday coffee or brunch together? Then you'll be setting the pace for your friendship in non drinking ways.
              If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
              Rejoined life 20/5/19

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                #8
                Selfish - but for a good reason

                Good for you!!!!
                AF 10/21/2013...ODAT :kudos:

                Comment

                  #9
                  Selfish - but for a good reason

                  I agree that you did the right thing. I went to several Braais when I was in SA (on business) and the drinking was off the scale!! And that was the opinion of a heavy drinker! The food was fabulous though.

                  Anyway, maybe next time you could invite her over instead to watch a movie or something? Later on of course, your resolve will be stronger and you would be able to resist easier anyway. Xx
                  AF since Halloween 2016

                  Trying to kill my Wine Witch! :smileyb:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Selfish - but for a good reason

                    Dream - I'm new to all of this - only a few months in - but I agree with the others. You made the right choice. I had to turn down quite a few invites early on, but it does get easier. Glad you are here.
                    Everything is going to be amazing

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Selfish - but for a good reason

                      Thanks all.

                      Wine, off the scale is a very diplomatic way of describing the drinking here.

                      I agree about the new patterns of behaviour/socialising. Will have to exercise those AF muscles, instead of the one that only lifted the glass from table to mouth.
                      14 October 2013 was the first day of the best days of my life!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Selfish - but for a good reason

                        Defnitely the right thing to do, it gets easier to side-step invitations
                        AF since 9 December 2012 :yay:

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