I'll start by saying i've had a few wines tonight. I feel i need them. I am not in a good place right now. If somebody offered me 10cents for my life, I'd probably take it. By that, i mean the practical aspects of my life, where i live, my emotional state, my job etc. In my darkest moments, i actually almost wish i could swap my "life" (existance) with somebody who truly deserves to live, like somebody who is terminally ill.
Anyway, which brings me to the point. I am so desperately unhappy with my life that i feel like just walking away from it, which encompasses everything including my family photos (all past stuff, im not functional enough to have my own family), and almost all my physical possessions. I'd probably only hang on to a few things.
I've thought about storage options, but it seems silly to pay for storage, when i should just let go.
Today, i did a big clean out, hoping to make my possessions lighter. I threw out a lot of things, including most of my parent's wedding photos. Figured their marriage didn't last, so why keep most of their momentos? I know they personally wouldn't care.
Only problem is, it hasn't made my load lighter. I look around and i'd still have too much stuff to carry if i moved house, (and i will be in the near future as my sanity depends on it). The only answer i can come up with is to shed almost all of it, but i can't bear to part with some of it. It's not that i use it, it's just the thought of knowing it's there that appeals to me.
I don't know why i've posted, just to vent my conflict about shedding stuff while still maintaining memories.
Oh yeah, and the worst thing is that there are very few people who would care if i went, or died. Most of them just pretend. Im being realistic, that is true. We all have to face our own truths sometimes.
Feeling pretty down and actually, i'd trade my life in for a reasonable facsimile of one. I've made so many life decisions that have resulted in me being VERY isolated, on many levels. I feel bad, cos i blamed my parents, when really it was me all along. I am a shit human being
Anyway, which brings me to the point. I am so desperately unhappy with my life that i feel like just walking away from it, which encompasses everything including my family photos (all past stuff, im not functional enough to have my own family), and almost all my physical possessions. I'd probably only hang on to a few things.
I've thought about storage options, but it seems silly to pay for storage, when i should just let go.
Today, i did a big clean out, hoping to make my possessions lighter. I threw out a lot of things, including most of my parent's wedding photos. Figured their marriage didn't last, so why keep most of their momentos? I know they personally wouldn't care.
Only problem is, it hasn't made my load lighter. I look around and i'd still have too much stuff to carry if i moved house, (and i will be in the near future as my sanity depends on it). The only answer i can come up with is to shed almost all of it, but i can't bear to part with some of it. It's not that i use it, it's just the thought of knowing it's there that appeals to me.
I don't know why i've posted, just to vent my conflict about shedding stuff while still maintaining memories.
Oh yeah, and the worst thing is that there are very few people who would care if i went, or died. Most of them just pretend. Im being realistic, that is true. We all have to face our own truths sometimes.
Feeling pretty down and actually, i'd trade my life in for a reasonable facsimile of one. I've made so many life decisions that have resulted in me being VERY isolated, on many levels. I feel bad, cos i blamed my parents, when really it was me all along. I am a shit human being
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