Cap'n we have a situation here!

[hablur]

Ok the title is a bit off but it really kinda has meaning. This is going to be a long post and I hope folks will help me with finding the answers.

I hear a lot of talk about craving. I really dont know what that means. During the day from the time I wake up until around 8 pm I cant really say I have a craving like a pregnant gal would get for pickles and ice cream (sorry couldnt think of another analogy). It is more that I drive by the store and think I would like to have a few beers tonight so I stop, put it in the fridge when I get home then after son gets off to bed I kick back and have a few. I do notice that it is a mind set. If I have my mind that I want to have a few then I get a little grouchy if the wife puts her foot down and says no. So what is craving? Is it the desire to have some or is it the need that I must get some? The funny thing is it doesnt happen everyday. Usually stressors trigger it. (You really don't want to know how many I have of those ).

Ok second part. I am taking the Kudzu and it appeasr that it isnt affecting my mental ability to stop by the store, all it does is make me drink less if I take it an hour before drinking. Does Topamax actually help you drive by the store without not even thinking about it? I am really beginning to think I need something to wash the thoughts from my head.

Will power - Some days I have tremendous will power and sometimes stopping and getting beer doesnt even enter my head but once I have decided to drink I have tremendous will power in that I WILL have that drink. The funny thing about all this is I am having a worse time not drinking since I joined MYO. I believe it is because I am thinking about it more and really want to succeed.

Even though I want to succeed I also dont want to completely quit. The trouble is that I really enjoy the buzz and how I can refocus after a night of drinking. My family troubles (no nothing to do with marital problems) are very wearing on me and it is my way of escaping when I just cant handle the stress. I also enjoy drinking on Friday/Saturday night playing internet games with my brother and all my friends. That is where I get the most enjoyment atm.

I'll quit rambling for now but will post more of what I am thinking later on.

[hereatlast]

Cap'n we have a situation here!

hi hab
i do think its a mind set almost conditioning you see the store must buy beer. its 7pm i must have a whisky i think we have to recondition our brains and its certainly not easy, my family are all drinkers and whenever there is a problem we sort it out over a whisky, my mum was like many many peoples parents on here an alcoholic and i definitley think it predisposes you to have this mind set. but you can do it keep reding on here

[Bean]

Cap'n we have a situation here!

Hi Hablur
I just posted something very similar - hadn't read your post yet. I feel exactly the same way. Sometimes I don't really feel like drinking at all and I even kind of look forward to having a long evening ahead in which i'll get stuff done and wake up feeling great the next day. Other times I really really want to drink and am almost consumed with thinking about getting some and how much will be enough. And then there's the 3rd situation which happened last night where i didn't really want to drink, wasn't craving it but for no good reason, bought a bottle of vodka and drank most of it. Didn't go to bed till about 3am, was totally wiped out today and feeling awful. I can handle cravings and giving in or beating them but I really dont understand NOT having a craving but behaving as if I did. Maybe it was a craving in disguise?! I dont know what the answers are. I dont take the supps and the fact that people do but still struggle to stay off booze makes me think they can't 'wipe' the thoughts from your mind. Let me know if you reach any conclusions.
Bean