Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

[giraffe1234]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

Thank you all so much. I'm so grateful to have found you. Good night!

[DreamThinkDo]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

64 welcome here!

Giraffe - you too - and it's nice to have another Saffa on the boards.

See you in the Nest!

[MossRose]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

Sixtyfour - glad to hear you are hanging in there. The first days are rough, but keep posting and eating!! Plus, you have an excellent attitude. I love this: "quite looking forward to tomorrow in a bizarre kind of way, can't wait to be able to say I've made it through the first of my 'challenge days'." You can do this, friend. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Giraffe - welcome and glad you are here.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

So 64, tonight is Monday night and a trigger time for you, right?
It'll also be the 48 hour mark too won't it? That can be a bit tricky for some people too.

What is your plan? What are you going to do instead of drink? I would plan it now to the last nanosecond if I were you. Fail to plan, then plan to fail.
Bridge.

[Myluck]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

Hi 64, you are not alone! I have many embarrassing moments and I when I used to watch TV I couldn't remember show next day so I had to rematch it. Blackouts where I went to bed, but I dint remember - been there done that! But you are the only one who can stop it - it is in your hands. My advise - try to distract yourself - be out at 7 pm - go out to eat or to the movies! At least first couple days? Then reward yourself with something nice you like - I had a facial today to celebrate my 2 weeks freedom from AL.

[MossRose]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

byebyebridgetjones;1580005 wrote: Fail to plan, then plan to fail.
Bridge.

Wise words. I'm going to print this out and carry it with me.

[Wine-no!]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

Good luck tonight. Line up some of your favourite snacks and relish kicking that drink to the curb...x

[sanchez]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

Welcome 64 and Giraffe! :welcome:Congrats on choosing to become AF. A big ditto on the words of wisdom already imparted. And, good job on day 7 Giraffe! :goodjob:

Just know you are not alone. We have all been there. Your stories sound just like mine and many others on this site. I too, did not need a drink in the morning, and nope, did not need a drink in the afternoon (except on weekends and on vacation), and no shakes or quivers for me, however, when the wine witch stopped in for a visit, then it was no holes barred. Let's just drink every bit of wine I can find until I'm completely blotto'd (sp) and make a total arse of myself and embarass my husband to boot. Then the morning comes and the symptoms of a horrible night prevail; no memory of anything but a banging headache, dry mouth, bloodshot eyes, parched skin, hungry for crap with lotsa salt and before you know it, someone says - you want a glass of wine? And, immediately i put my arm behind my back, in the motion of a "twist my arm" and we're off to the races yet again! Until the rock bottom day when things were way too scary and way too surreal at the same time. Was this going to be my life? At 58, is this all there is? Getting plastered at least four nights a week. Feeling and looking like crap and actually scared for my life. That's when I went searching on the web and found MWO. My original plan and support system consisted of family members, a counselor, AA, books, and this website. AA went to the wayside because I felt too exposed. Family members remained and so did my counselor for a while. Might think of a multi-pronged support system too.

Some of he best support came from this website and all the amazing people here - because we're all experiencing the same things. When you feel the urge, or just feel down, this site is 24-7 and global in nature, you're going to find someone online at all times to help you through. It's hard for someone to help us who hasn't been in our shoes - so MWO is invaluable in that sense.

Stay close, read and post and get things off your chest. It will help and it will get easier. Take it one day at a time. Now is the time to nurture yourself. Baby steps! Reward yourself with things like MyLuck did, facials, mani-pedi's, shopping, after all you're going to be saving lots of money buying Perrier instead of wine! Stay busy, eat well, stay hydrated, exercise and make your plans. Especially when you have events coming up - a plan is really important. Pretty soon you'll find it's kind of interesting to be the non-drinker in a social situation now and watch others around you getting louder as they get tipsier and you think - wow, that was me!

Anyway - sorry for the rambling post. We're glad you're here!:l

[A Better Me]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

sixtyfour;1578934 wrote: Am I allowed to say that I gave up alcohol at 10pm 2 November 2013.... ten hours ago. I do not drink.

Yes you are. In fact write it down, put sticky notes everywhere, write it on a photo of yourself & stick it on the fridge.
And welcome

[sixtyfour]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

Sanchez, Bridget Jones, Moss Rose, A Better Me, Wine No, anyone else who has answered, I am so grateful to you for the advice. I wasn't able to get on the site to reply before, as I don't want my husband to know and he's here round me all the time so I have to pick my times. My lifestyle (without AL I mean) doesn't allow for 'me time' unfortunately and with the money spent of alcohol already a bone of contention between us at times, spending it instead on mani/pedi and shopping isn't an option but I have to find alternatives that _are_ possible. One of you commented about day 2 being hard and being my first real challenge. It was, but somehow I was stronger yesterday on my 'challenge day' than I am feeling right now. I do not intend going into the bottle shop but I'm really nervous as I forgot something vital for my 90 yo mother who lives with us, and I have no alternative but to go out. OK, I'm going now, but I'm going to check in when I get back. Trying to be strong, but really nervous.

[sanchez]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

I've probably missed you by now, but as you go on your excursion today, take a different route that is far, far away from your usual bottle shop. I doubt you are getting something for your 90 yo mom there anyway - right? So go another way if at all possible and check in with us when you're back.

Totally understand on the switch from money spent on Al to money spent on spa treatements. You don't have to spend money to nurture yourself. Bubble baths are an indulgence we don't get to do often enough. Add some lavender oil too. Take a good book in there with you and simply relax. You can always do a facial at home - you don't have to go to a salon or spa. Make yourself a really healthy meal. Enjoy a relaxing tea in the evening to help you doze off. If you have a dog or two, give them a bath! (if they like it that is!) I find that really relaxing - weird huh?

Anyway, keep posting and checking in - it will seriously help you through this first week which is just awful. No sugar-coating, the first week sucks because your body is going through such changes and your mind is restless. It's going to take some time to rewire your brain but it will get easier.

Take care.:l

[sixtyfour]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

Hi Sanchez, thank you so much for the encouragement. I made it to the supermarket and back, with a pint of milk for Mum and NO wine for me. Phew! Annoyingly, the bottle shop is in the foyer of the supermarket and I have to walk by it to get into the supermarket (and every supermarket in town of which there are three, have exactly the same scenario!) and as I walk past, the automatic doors on the bottle shop open - it is just SO easy to weaken. That's what's often happened in the past - I have no intention of going in there, but as I walk past the door sensors operate and it's like they are beckoning me in. Anyway I made it there and back, and so relieved! I'm now awake on day 4! I think planning is the way to go.... Bridge, you said the same - plan my day to the nano second and I am going to take that advice. In fact, I'm going to take the advice right now, and get off my butt and start my day - much to accomplish! Hope you all sleep well/have a good day depending on which part of the world you live in!

[lifechange]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

You sound strong, Sixtyfour-- and making a tight plan is definitely the way to go. I have a simple mantra that I often have running through my head (from rational recovery) "I will NEVER drink again and I will NEVER change my mind." This helped me a lot-- as I'd often said to myself that I'd never drink again-- How many times did I say that?! But the part about never changing my mind was a revelation for me and has really helped keep me on track. I also don't have a lot of extra money to spend on ...anything, actually! but like Sanchez said, there are so many things that aren't expensive. Wishing you a super day! You said Thursday would be a challenge for you--Plan to see you a lot around here!

[Eloise]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

You are not pathetic sixty-four.
Seek all the info u can about this alcohol problem, you are not alone.
After the 3-4 day things get tricky so stay close.
You can do this !

[j-vo]

Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

Hi 64, yes, great group of people here, lots of support. And again, we've all been exactly where you are. I just recently came back to MWO and hope to stay strong this time. I'm staying close to boards. So keep it up! You're on the right track. Keep readin'.