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    #1

    Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

    Hello
    I am a respectable and respected wife, mother, grandmother, worker, member of society etc. yet I have this ridiculous weakness for alcohol. I've been trying to stop for a long time. I don't drink every day, maybe three times a week, but when I do, I just drink too much, like most of 2 bottles of wine, so I'm mostly having the equivalent of about 14 standard drinks. Last night I really humiliated myself, as I fell asleep in the garden after finishing both bottles, about 16 standard drinks in other words. My husband came to fetch me, tried to get me up, and I ended up falling over then couldn't get up. I do recall him trying to haul me up but I'm not a lightweight. Somehow he got me indoors, and I clearly got myself into bed but I have no recollection of that. Now it's morning, and I feel so incredibly stupid and I cannot go on like this.

    I'm good all day, then in the evening I give in and go to the bottle shop. I just don't seem to have the willpower to stop myself going, what on earth is going on in my head I just can't imagine. It's a simple enough thing. I drive past it easily during the day, without a second thought or if I do think about it, I make a conscious decision not to drive in and that's no problem at all. Then it gets to 7pm and off I go. I have to stop, I have to change. I just don't know how to stop myself. Please can anyone give any helpful strategies? I don't know why I give in. I am sorry, I know this sounds really pathetic.
    ---------------------------------

    AF from 22 November 2013

    Happily on the road to Sobriety - there's nowhere else worth going to...
    Tags: None
    #2
    Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

    First of all, Welcome Sixtyfour!:welcome:
    You've taken the first very big step in finding this place and having the courage to write. No one here would think you stupid or pathetic, I promise. We are a super group of people at all stages of fighting and overcoming this addiction. Saturday evenings are sometimes a bit slow on the threads-- have you seen/been to the Newbies Nest? It's a great place to start as there is usually someone there. Read back a few days and you'll get to know some of the Nesters! The tool box is also a great place to have a read and find some advice about how to begin on this wonderful journey!-- Good to have you here and look forward to hearing more from you...

    Comment

      #3
      Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

      Welcome! Your post could have been written by any of us here.... It's a familiar story. I would like to recommend two places: check out the Newbies nest and the Tool Box. NN is a fast moving thread full of folks in all stages of quitting. Read back several days and get to know us. The tool box is a collection of seven years of tips and coping skills to help you. Read every thing you can and post!!! We are so glad you found us! Links to both places are in my signature line below!! Byrdie
      All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
      Tool Box
      Newbie's Nest

      Comment

        #4
        Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

        we have all been where you are 64. All of us. Can you find it in yourself to try to stop for TODAY???
        Join the Newbies Nest where others join and share your story. You will get lots of love and unconditional support there.
        All my best...
        Mama.....former 12 pack a night mother of two, good job, loving marriage, member of society
        YOU CAN DO THIS!
        I love my family more than alcohol.:h
        Live in the Solution....not the problem

        Comment

          #5
          Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

          wow....cross post everyone!!
          See how awesome this place is???
          I love my family more than alcohol.:h
          Live in the Solution....not the problem

          Comment

            #6
            Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

            Lifechange! Cross post! Same message! Great minds!!!! Xo
            All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
            Tool Box
            Newbie's Nest

            Comment

              #7
              Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

              Hi 64. Welcome to MWO.

              You can beat this and take your life back again. Many people here are doing it. You asked for strategies. Please take the time to have a good long read through our toolbox. There are heaps of useful strategies, tips, info and inspiration in there. Click on the blue link below.

              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

              Good to see you here, and hope to see you around on the boards. Keep posting and yapping.

              Best wishes on your journey.

              G bloke.

              'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

              Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

              Comment

                #8
                Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

                Mama! :H:H:H:H. Hugs.
                All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                Tool Box
                Newbie's Nest

                Comment

                  #9
                  Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

                  I do love this place and all of you here!!:h

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

                    Thank you everyone for replying, I did just find the Tool Box and I'm amazed at the advice there, then I came back to my post out of curiosity and was amazed again that people have actually answered me. I'm feeling positive, I'd like to say I 'think' I can do this but I know I have to say I _know_ I can. I know I have to put aside all the regrets and embarrassment, and move on. Am I allowed to say that I gave up alcohol at 10pm 2 November 2013.... ten hours ago. I do not drink.
                    ---------------------------------

                    AF from 22 November 2013

                    Happily on the road to Sobriety - there's nowhere else worth going to...

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

                      sixtyfour;1578934 wrote: Thank you everyone for replying, I did just find the Tool Box and I'm amazed at the advice there, then I came back to my post out of curiosity and was amazed again that people have actually answered me. I'm feeling positive, I'd like to say I 'think' I can do this but I know I have to say I _know_ I can. I know I have to put aside all the regrets and embarrassment, and move on. Am I allowed to say that I gave up alcohol at 10pm 2 November 2013.... ten hours ago. I do not drink.
                      Excellent stuff 64. There is plenty of reading to be had on this site. 7 years of info and inspiration, and of course, people's stories. Maybe stay close here today, and stay safe.

                      P.S. Sounds like we may be in the same time zone. If so, there is an Aussie/southern hemisphere thread in the general discussion area. Here's the link if you feel comfortable joining in. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ies-84403.html

                      The other thread worth a look is the Newbies nest. That link is in Byrdlady's signature above. Above all, i hope you just immerse yourself in the very useful wealth of info everywhere on the site.

                      G bloke.

                      'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                      Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

                        Hi SF and welcome. Glad you are here. Joining MWO was a wonderful decision. And congrats on your decision to kick AL to the curb.

                        When I saw the title of your post and the words "hate myself," I was stopped cold. I knew someone was in real trouble. We all know that awful feeling. In fact, I think it's safe to say that everyone here was feeling a great deal of self-loathing when they finally had the courage to make that first post and reach out for help. That is one thing that has helped keep me strong and fighting. I don't want to feel that emotional anguish ever again.

                        I am another one who used to go all day without even thinking about AL, and then come home and drink myself into a stupor. I don't understand it, but I know that many of us here share that same story. Hang in there and post often.
                        Everything is going to be amazing

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

                          Hi Guitarista, yes, I am in Oz, so I'll check out the thread you suggested, thank you very much. I'll also check out the Newbies Nest. And yes, staying close sounds good. MossRose, thank you for sharing. Yes, I was in a bad place this morning. I am feeling more positive now, and thank you all. I am going to kick it.
                          ---------------------------------

                          AF from 22 November 2013

                          Happily on the road to Sobriety - there's nowhere else worth going to...

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

                            Hello 64.
                            Sounds like you might be from Australia/New Zealand. Drinking culture or what?:H

                            I recognise your story well, and the desperation and despair that I'm hearing there.

                            If I were you I'd put today aside, drink loads of water, eat nutritious food and read this site like a maniac.

                            I still don't completely comprehend what's going on with me and alcohol so I try to keep it simple for myself.....it's a relationship that just doesn't work for me. It never leads to anything good after the first hit. The evidence is all there in the embarrassment and destruction.

                            Stay close here and accept the help that's offered.
                            If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
                            Rejoined life 20/5/19

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Feeling So Stupid, Hate Myself

                              byebyebridgetjones;1579000 wrote: Hello 64.
                              Sounds like you might be from Australia/New Zealand. Drinking culture or what?:H

                              I recognise your story well, and the desperation and despair that I'm hearing there.

                              If I were you I'd put today aside, drink loads of water, eat nutritious food and read this site like a maniac.

                              I still don't completely comprehend what's going on with me and alcohol so I try to keep it simple for myself.....it's a relationship that just doesn't work for me. It never leads to anything good after the first hit. The evidence is all there in the embarrassment and destruction.

                              Stay close here and accept the help that's offered.
                              What Bridge said. We know what you're saying as we've been there too. If we can help out, we will. Rest is up to you, stay strong matey

                              Comment

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