ONE more time - my journal

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Good Gawd

Horrible night/dreams. One of those, where upon waking up, you don't quite know what's real and what isn't. I'd rather not do that again.

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Tonight, Junior is high as a kite and drunk, to boot.

Made reference to hopes he might overdose tonight but no such luck (he ran out). I think he's OK for tonight but if I don't get a sense of him being in a very different state of mind tomorrow morning... I may have to intervene. I'm not sure who to call... I guess the mental health unit would be a good start.

I'm very worried :upset:
I've made a call to an ex-teacher of his (also in AA) who I believe lives fairly close to him. See, if he'll pick him up and bring him to a meeting tomorrow night. I could offer to pick him up but it's easier to turn down Mom than someone else.

Really looking for that elusive serenity right now.

[lead366]

ONE more time - my journal

Sorry Sunshine....Whatta bummer.......Maybe he needs to find someone he can trust to talk too? Dunno..but in the grips of usage--I found out that my ego did everything---EVERYTHING...to protect my denial. Sending you positive power

[Pavati]

ONE more time - my journal

So sorry, Sunni. It must be so hard to see a kid suffer like that. I'm glad you have your head screwed on straight to deal with all of this. Positive power coming from over here, too. xo

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Pretty much a sleepless night, but Junior does indeed sound much better/more like himself this morning.

He says last night was a 'test' and he failed miserably and is done drinking. We've all done that/felt that/said that. I hope he will come to believe it in his heart, too.

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Thank you Mollers, Pavati, and Lead.

Just got off the phone with my aunt.
My dad's autopsy report came back. The cause of death was a heart attack.
There also was a small brain bleed from the fall he took the day before (not sure if I had even mentioned that... he refused treatment and signed himself out of the hospital), a very fatty liver, a shrunken bladder, and enlarged prostate.

Still waiting for grand peanut #3 to make her appearance so I can book flights to go home. My aunt is at a bit of a stand still right now.

[paulywogg]

ONE more time - my journal

Wow Sunshine,you are doing so well with all of this stuff going on! huge hugs to you,i'd be a wreck,poor dad,i guess he just quit caring very sad,and i know how heartbreaking it is to see the kids suffer adiction,damn,but at least there's a positive with grand peanut coming soon

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Thanks Pauly :l

Ya know, you all keep saying I have a clear head through this... I don't. I'm in a fog, to be honest. Could be the absence of sleep... not sure. I'm just glad if I make through another day and nothing else disastrous happens.

However, this is 10:30pm my time... that qualifies for another day survived. So.. yay

[Nelz]

ONE more time - my journal

Dang Suni.....thats a lot for one to have on the plate at one time.....sorry to hear.

But the fact that you have remained AF most definitely speaks to your resolve in this matter.

Keep it up, you are whippin its ass

[Stargazerlily]

ONE more time - my journal

Sunni,
Just wanted to say so sorry about your Dad. Your son trying to understand addiction and make changes in his life makes all of this even harder...thank goodness you are where you are with your sobriety. Too much to handle for one person, but AF you can do this. Talking about being in a fog is about right, taking one step and then another. Sending you positive energy.

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Thanks guys ('n gals) for your never ending support.

Another day in the bag... Junior went to visit his sister today.. maybe the surprise and excitement finally sent her into labour!?

Here's to hoping!

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Went yesterday to a lovely 2nd hand store in town - pretty up scale, lots of designer labels - and picked up some pinky sleepers to keep here. Also got a whole bag full of clothes for Peanut and/or Landen and toys. Will go and clean/wash everything and re-organize here to make room for everything.

Come on, grand peanut #3... we're ready!

[FlyAway]

ONE more time - my journal

When it rains it pours, eh Sunni? You sure do have a lot going on. Positive vibes for grand baby #3!

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Still waiting on the little princess...
Still sober. Grateful for that.

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Yikes.

Full blown drinking dream. Stopped before getting completely wasted but was called on it and had to lie, etc. Great relief to realize it was only a dream. Almost feel like I dodged a bullet.

*shudder*