ONE more time - my journal

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

:l Sol!

The club idea sounds brilliant! It helps when you already have something so important in common. I'm totally in love with my sponsor :blush: She's a native american lady in her late 60s, maybe early 70s. Her hubs started in AA over 40 years ago. Originally, she joined ALANON until she realized that her own relationship with AL wasn't healthy, either. She told me how she had seen so many people come and go (and not return) and how happy she is to see more and more women there. She is just such a gentle spirit, hard to explain. But, I feel utterly comfortable with her.

She very much encouraged me to keep up this journal and make an effort to write SOMETHING every day. So.. here I am.

Today was a good day, although I feel like something the cat dragged in. Mr. Sun was generous enough to share his cold with me and my back kept me awake most of the night. But, I have the youngest grand peanut here for the weekend, Hurricane Landen :H My son and his g/f are moving this weekend, so that little one is better off out of their way. Besides, I hadn't seen him in a few weeks... so it was time.

Happy and thankful to be sober this evening.

[paulywogg]

ONE more time - my journal

You sound wonderful sunshine,keep it up girlie

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Thanks Pauly.. how are you holding up???

Ok... survived the semi-natural disaster that is my youngest grandson :H He just left... peace and quiet has returned. I think I'll go feed the horses and then may have a wee nap. I've earned it fair and square

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Almost missed Monday's post... 16 hour power outages will do that to a gal

Tomorrow will be a better day. Right after I manage to go back to sleep

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Still feeling kinda blah today... Cold, cold, go away.

Doctor's appointment this afternoon... agreed to get new MRI done (and blood work-eeek! Needles!) to see what's going on with my back. I suspect that I now have 3 herniated discs plus previously diagnosed arthritis. It would be so nice to live with a little less pain.

Aside from all that... thankful for hydro today (yay!) and being sober and present.

[allswell]

ONE more time - my journal

Hi Sunshine,

Hope the Dr. appointment went well. Alcohol is such a destructive presence for so many of us, thanks for the chronicle, I think it is definitely good to have a written account for when the casual thoughts start entering again. This disease will not go away for those of us that have crossed the line without knowing it, in my case years ago. The only fix is no drink and being sober and present is pretty damn awesome.

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Hello Allswell!
It IS awesome, isn't it?

I hear you on the line having been crossed a looooong time ago. Same here. Knew it but didn't want to admit it.

So, how are you doing?

[Today]

ONE more time - my journal

Hey Sunshine, I remember you from the Canucks thread. I'm in BC and back on this site feeling tons of shame and ugh pain. Last night drove while I was drinking (yes, shame on that, I thought I was fine) but here is the worst part, I drove with my cats. They were in their carriers, and I decided to take them over to my boyfriends. I barely remember getting there, stopped at liquor store on the way and forgot where I parked! I parked around back so I could surprise him and he reminded me this morning. I hate that I endangered other drivers, and my cats!! Plus my bf told me I was saying strange things... poor guy, I surprised him indeed.

So here I am again, I am hoping to survive day 1. Good luck to everyone on their AF day :-)

[allswell]

ONE more time - my journal

Hey Sunshine,

I'm doing okay. I posted this on Mr. G's thread and pretty well sums up my 2013 so far.

Autumn here and it's the time I always reflect on the past 3/4 of the year. It's been bittersweet in many respects. I ran two marathons and a handful of 10k's and halfs, seen some really beautiful country, been stiffed by several clients for some significant amounts (I'm self employed) and my relationship of a year and a half ended but I ran for public office and won, have my health and spirit and go about my day with positive attitudes. In other words living life. Things are good here, hope all is well with you and everyone else that visits the thread.

Life is never perfect but it's a hell of a lot better (even the lows) when alcohol is out and the real individual is sober and present.

[allswell]

ONE more time - my journal

Good luck Today, day one is never pleasant but certainly necessary. I think bottling up the anxiety and horrible feelings that come with it can go a long way. Real living awaits!

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Awesome... really happy to hear you're living life on life's terms, Allswell :l

Well, as I'm taking a good hard look at myself, my habits, my triggers, etc... I realize (again) that much of my drinking has to do with the fact that I don't 'talk'. I hate confrontation with a passion, I go out of my way to avoid it. So, I don't say what's on my mind (mostly in regards to my partner), keep everything inside, and when it finally gets too much, I drink myself into my own little world, where everything is good and well. Until I sober up. Then, it's the original sh*t plus guilt and grovelling. Smart move, kid.

So, after I got home after last night's women's meeting, I took a deep breath and sat Mr. Sun down. I told him that I'd been (and still are) fretting over his youngest son 'coming home'. He's about 26 now, works for a few months out of the year, travels the rest. Once or twice a year he comes here and stays for a few months. He does buy a lot of his own food (he's vegetarian) but other things like coffee, cream, milk, eggs, bread, butter, toilet paper, Hydro etc.. end up on my bill. And, I simply can't afford it. I'm on my last penny as it is. He said, he completely understands, and the 3 of us will sit down when he gets here. He and son will make sure that I don't have any added expenses. Whew.

Baby steps.

[allswell]

ONE more time - my journal

Hey Sunshine,

Glad everything worked out for the best.

I wished my partner had open communication and discussed the things that were on her mind but unfortunately not the case. All of a sudden I was blasted with all of the errors in my ways at once and it was so hurtful I think there really was no reconciling. I was left wondering why we didn't talk about any of it before if the issues were there. I think dislike of confrontation was at the heart of it but I'm not a mind reader, open communication with the people that are important to us is key.

[K9Lover]

ONE more time - my journal

Hi Beautiful GG!

I'm so glad you are looking out for YOU...that 26 year old MAN does not need to be mooching off of you. There comes a time where being nice gets you trampled on. I am realizing that lately. Anyway, I'm sure he is a fine young man, but he needs to contribute. Give me his number, I will explain it to him :H:H:H Just kidding...I am on a ROLL today, please excuse my feistiness. HA

[Rusty]

ONE more time - my journal

GG-:l

Well, as I'm taking a good hard look at myself, my habits, my triggers, etc... I realize (again) that much of my drinking has to do with the fact that I don't 'talk'. I hate confrontation with a passion, I go out of my way to avoid it. So, I don't say what's on my mind (mostly in regards to my partner), keep everything inside, and when it finally gets too much, I drink myself into my own little world, where everything is good and well. Until I sober up

Your words sound like those of the clients in this fabulous book I am reading by Dr. Lance Dodes, "Breaking Addiction-A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction." In this book, he says most alcoholics drink because of feeling hopelessly trapped, and unable to escape or communicate that they need help. Many of the clients he interviews in this book feel the same way you do, Sunni. I applaud your courage. If you can afford it, go on Amazon and order this book. I can't put it down. I see myself all over this book. You have a special place in my heart because I HATE confrontation, too, and used to drink just anticipating any confrontation, and most of the time, I blew the situation wayyyy out of proportion, before anything happened. Most of the time, NOTHING happened. I played out the worst scenario in my mind, exaggerating the outcome to the nth degree.

Thank you for sharing your story and your journey with us. I'm glad you're back. I missed you.:h

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Awww.. thanks so much Rusty :l
I'm glad I'm back, too. I'll definitely keep that book on my list, although right now I really can't do it. You know the drill when you have animals.. just paid $180 vet bill for the dog, now the horses need deworming and the farrier is overdue. Always something

Other than that.. I'm good today... heading to bed. Night night, everyone!