ONE more time - my journal

[NoraC]

ONE more time - my journal

sunshine_gg;1588247 wrote:
Well, as I'm taking a good hard look at myself, my habits, my triggers, etc... I realize (again) that much of my drinking has to do with the fact that I don't 'talk'. I hate confrontation with a passion, I go out of my way to avoid it. So, I don't say what's on my mind (mostly in regards to my partner), keep everything inside, and when it finally gets too much, I drink myself into my own little world, where everything is good and well. Until I sober up. Then, it's the original sh*t plus guilt and grovelling. Smart move, kid.


Baby steps.

Sunni - this could have been written by me. I have noted this time & time again in my journal. But, you said it so eloquently. I have really been working on this. I sill can't stand confrontation and sometimes I end up just closing up inside of myself. But, that is something I am really working on. Thank you for sharing this. :h

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

:H Niners! Thank you, but I will take it from here. Time to put on my big girl pants and act like a grown up.

Allswell... I totally agree. Communication is vital... just not easy for everybody.

Today.. how are you doing? Now, that the first few days are out of the way, are you feeling better?

Nora... this seems to be a common issue with us alkies. And, I agree... it definitely needs working on. For us, and for our partners as well.

It's SN*WING :upset:
Other than that.. I'm good

[allswell]

ONE more time - my journal

Hey all,

Regarding the fear of confrontation point I would like to say I've learned quite a bit when I stepped out of my normal shoes and ran for public office. I'm a reserved individual by nature but found confrontation all around me when I talked to voters and knocked on doors. I found communicating my points of view and the reasons behind them and letting the other person communicate their views doesn't have to end in a nasty argument and sometimes everyone agrees to disagree but we all know what each other is thinking and feeling and what the reasons are. Openly communicating doesn't put most people on the defensive like an all out assault after things have been stewing in a partner for way too long. Just my take on it.

Hope the snow doesn't come down too hard Sunshine.

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Wow, Allswell. Public Office!? Hats off... no way, I could do that.

I think the issue with avoiding confrontation is more personal than general. I adore a good (even heated) debate with just about anyone over just about anything. It's confrontation on the home front, that is the problem. Granted, I was in a rather abusive marriage but that was a very long time ago and my current partner is not at all like ex-asshole. So, why do I still rather chew off my own sleeve than speak my mind? Beats me. Habit? Because, it's what I know?

Today was a good day.
I've got the first 30 days under my belt (again). For the last time. That is all.

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Yikes. First drinking dream. I wasn't GOING to drink in the dream but for some reason I opened a bottle of wine and transferred it to another container, etc... very elaborate and feeling very uncomfortable doing so. *shudder*

No, fanks. Pass the kettle.

[Solitaire]

ONE more time - my journal

Sunshine!!
I was about 3 months sober when I had my 1st....
The next day, I got to a BB study, and just before the meeting I told them about it.
Like yours, elaborate: walking to the outside fridge, getting the vodka, adding ice, then the Coke... AND I DOWNED IT IN ONE GULP!!!!
So, the one old-timer quietly said: Oh, so you had your first wet dream....
Needless to say, it lifted my mood
You go girl!! xxx

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

:H Wet dream, huh? Thanks Sol

Well, the meeting last night was awesome. We had our Christmas dinner, and then the meeting. Interesting development: Mr. Sun's ex called me yesterday... when we first bumped into each other she definitely wasn't ready for Mr. Sun to know about her being an AA member. At some point yesterday though, she realized that she actually really didn't care and it would make our lives much easier if he did know and her and I wouldn't have to sneak around So, when he got home, I did invite him to the dinner (I had not done so because of her) and he came. I went early to help set up, he came for the dinner and then left. He sat between her and me... and hadn't quite got over the shock yet (not even by the time I got home - almost 10pm) :H

After the meal, we read the preamble, steps, etc.. then turned off the lights and had a candle (well.. no.. a Christmas light) meeting. Just for fun, we changed up the format; everyone wrote their name on one piece of paper and a topic on the other. We then drew one of each and the person up talked about the topic they picked.

It occurred to me at one point, how utterly scared I was just a month ago to walk in there and how totally comfortable I felt last night. Very cool.

Oh.. and I also got my 1-month chip

[K9Lover]

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I'm so proud of you Sunni G! You are doing so good. Congrats on the 30 day chip! Those "wet dreams" will subside in time. Keep up the great work!! :h

[NoraC]

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Great job Sunni!!

[nicelife]

ONE more time - my journal

Brilliant!

[SKendall]

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Sunni, you are exceptional. Yeah, the big girl pants has to occur and Iam rooting for us both.

[Nelz]

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Go get em Sunny!!! Yer killin it

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Thank you, you lovely people :l

I still need to make time for actually reading the books I've been given, etc... but I feel good and strong right now.

[byebyebridgetjones]

ONE more time - my journal

Belated congrats on the 30 day run Sunny.
Build on that.
You know the drill:H
BridgeXXX

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Yep, Bridgie... I certainly do :blush:

Well, so much for writing something every day. Hrmpf.
In my defence... that's kinda hard when you have either no power, or no Internet, or neither. Such has been my week. Hence, it's Saturday night and I'm sitting here working (*ahem* for the most part) to make up some time.

All is well, though in GG's Soberland.
I did find the remnants of my last drunk.. did I mention that? Ack. That reminds me, I should pour that out tomorrow. I haven't done so because I didn't know how to dispose of the bottle without Mr. Sun catching wind. That's not a discussion I'd like to have at the moment. However, I have found ways to get rid of bottles for years on end... somehow that argument doesn't hold up... even with myself. So, out it'll go.

That's it, that's all... back to the grind stone. Have a lovely weekend, everyone!