ONE more time - my journal

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

3am... another early morning to call German government bodies and try to sort out what needs to be sorted.

I'm past the 6 months mark now in my sobriety and feeling a bit wobbly at times. Probably no great surprise, considering the many stressors in my life in the past couple of months.

Because this time has to be different, I'm putting it here on the screen: I'm having occasional drinking thoughts! Arrgh. I will have to stay close for a while and perhaps make use of some AA telephone numbers. I do NOT want to 'handle it on my own' and completely f*ck it up. Like I have so many times before. That is all.

[skullbabyland]

ONE more time - my journal

Hi Sunshine, I'm new to your thread but I've seen ya around in the 100 day club. Just thought I'd pop in and say hey. I'm glad you stated about having occasional drinking thoughts. You're not alone! I think we all have them to some degree, it's just about managing them. And WMO is such a great way to reach out for support- yeah "handling it on our own" is never a great tactic

I too often feel wobbly too, so know you're not alone. The great thing is that you're just past 6 months which is fantastic and amazing. I'm right about at that point too, just over 6 months. Did you ever hear NoSugar's podcast, The Bubble Hour episode, where the Harvard med scientist stated that it takes approx 6 solid months of AF time for the brain to really heal from alcohol abuse? I believe he was referring to our seratonin/dopamine receptors and brain function to reset/recalibrate. It's here if you want to listen- really helpful info. The Bubble Hour: Special Guest, Dr. John Kelly: Changing the Stigma of Addiction Through Science (Thanks to NoSugar for posting this originally)

That was a real lightbulb for me and it really does seem to be true- I'm really feeling more engaged with life and genuinely enjoying things now, where before everything seemed dull in comparison to drinking.

Anyway just curious if you've felt the same around 6 months. Maybe the milestone of 6 months, and the healing your brain's been doing, will be helpful knowledge to stay the course?

Wishing you the best, Sunshine! Good luck with sorting what needs to be sorted. Sounds like dull work, but sometimes it feels good once the dull work is sorted and done with, right?

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Hi Skull!
Congrats on your very own mile stone!

I don't feel terribly engaged at all at the moment. I feel overwhelmed (with work and finances), tasks previously associated with drinking are coming up and have me worried, I'm grumpy and bitchy Oh.. and I threw my back out again. What fun.

But, I've been reaching out and making use of helping hands (ears) and that's better than not doing anything at all. This, too, shall pass.

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Thank you Skull for that link. Loved it.

All is well here. Well.. as well as well is at the moment. Wtf? :H That made no sense.

Anywho... 7 months sober now, hitting a rough patch for a while now, but this, too, shall pass. Certainly not worth going back to daily misery for.

And, with Spring finally having sprung, some sunshine and fresh air may just be what the doctor ordered.

Hope you all are well.
:l

[paulywogg]

ONE more time - my journal

Glad you're doing good Sunshine,,how's the new grandpeanut fairing?

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Thanks, Pauly
The latest grand peanut is doing splendidly. Just had her first quasi through-the-night sleep... at less than 2 months old... not bad. Must take after her mum... she slept through at 10 weeks

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Over 7 months sober and the craziness is somewhat settling down. At least the bit having to do with my dad and the estate. My son is still doing very careless and dangerous things all around... and I feel strangely detached

I wonder if it is the bit about accepting things I cannot change? I often find myself thinking to myself "slow down... this is his stuff, not yours". This feels quite alien to me, as I have always jumped in to 'help' and 'fix'. Of course, then I ended up stressed beyond belief, resentful, and.. well... drinking.

So, I will embrace this detached feeling for now and carry on. Wouldn't really know what else to do anyway.

[paulywogg]

ONE more time - my journal

That "detached"feeling i get in sobriety scares me too Sunshine,i try to say kids will be kids,they are grown,but man,we love them too much,sometimes i feel like i'm making up for the past,i dunno

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

:l Pauly
I'm glad I'm not alone. It is kinda scary.
How are you doing?

[Frequent Traveler]

ONE more time - my journal

Detached, I sure have that feeling at times and now I see there might be a connection..
Thanks for that.
FT

[Pavati]

ONE more time - my journal

Hi, Sunni!

I have been reading a lot about the blah, anxious, sort of flat feelings recovering alcoholics feel around 4 - 8 months. Maybe that has something to do with it. I am just at 6 months and I know I feel like that right now. I don't feel like I'm going to drink, but I have had drinking thoughts - reminds me to stay vigilant!

I also feel detached sometimes - and I see it as scary and good. It feels good to understand what we can't control, but I wouldn't want to get complacent and think - I can't control that - when I actually can. My son is just finishing his first year in high school (grade 9) and is entering that stage when I have less and less control.

I'm sorry for you and what your son is going through. I hope you both push through and come out the other side in good spots.

Pav

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Sigh.
Always SOMETHING.

Last night, while I was out watering the veggie garden, I noticed something not right with one of my horses (the 29 year old). Turned out, he was choking. Unfortunately, horses cannot throw up, so anything stuck in their throat or wind pipe, will stay there until it breaks down on its own (or the horse dies). Thankfully, the horse people network around me sprung into action real quick, I had a needle with a mild sedative here to relax him a little within 20 minutes, then had a couple of friends and neighbours stick around to wait for the vet. He also got here quickly and stuck a rubber tube through his nostrils and started flushing with warm water.

He's much better this morning - but what a scare. Oh, and he ain't talking to me AT ALL. I pretty much get 'talk to the butt' from him right now

How incredibly awesome is it that I was THERE... not just physically, but sober and able to see him through the night? I set up a bed in the hay for a bit last night and syringed some warm water down his throat every hour.. but I would never have been able to do so, had I been drinking.

[Guitarista]

ONE more time - my journal

Yo GG! Cool stuff.

Hope your horse is feeling better now. Just dropping in to say gidday.

Have a great weekend.

G bloke.

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

:hallo: G-Man!
Yep, he's much better but I'm still watching him closely.

Thanks for stopping by and Happy Weekend!

[sunshine_gg]

ONE more time - my journal

Not much of a journal if I don't write anything, eh?

Nothing to write about, really. I'm doing quite well. Very busy with summer stuff and kid stuff, and well.. all sorts of stuff. My funky/gloomy mood has taken a leave of absence and I'm over 8 months sober. All is well in my world