I don't deserve this site

[morrison]

I don't deserve this site

all right guys

Okay, the sweats and vomiting has started to happen already. this is worse than I remembered it. I wish I could get some valium. I don't know if I can. I don't want to drive, that's for sure. I'll be all right. It is going to be a painful day though. I need God right now, and I don't know if he exist. I wish I had more faith. I'm sure I'm not the only one that struggles with that.

[lucky 2.0]

I don't deserve this site

Morrison,

You had better obey the irish kitty. Take it from me!

Be well.

[Newyear]

I don't deserve this site

Hi Morrison- I know you are feeling awful but you do need to stick around here - even more so now. You have had a set back and it is hard to accept. Seems just wanting to quit and trying should be enough. Unfortunately, it takes that and time too.
I think we have all been where you are- feeling hopeless - another reason to stay here to talk this thru.

Take some time - do what you need to do to take care of yourself right now. And then work on your plan. We're here for you.
Lisa

[betty boop]

I don't deserve this site

Morrison, Ditto Louise ..........

You are a valued member of this forum, you have given so much to others now sit back and let us give it back to you ..... You deserve .....

Love & Hugs :h :l :h

[SKendall]

I don't deserve this site

Morrison, try and get through today with gatorade and fluids. Then start again.

[morrison]

I don't deserve this site

Things I can't do

Well, I guess I wasn't ready to be in a certain situation. I went out on the boat with my friends over the weekend. I was afraid I would drink. I just can't be in that type of environment and not drink. It is sad. I had such a good time. Then, things went too far as always. We drank a ton. I should have went home and gone to bed, but I was already in bad form. We went over to another friends, and ended up doing coke and boozing until 4:30 in the morning. That means I was drinking for about 16 hours straight. I rarely use drugs, but when I am drunk off my ass, I'll do anything in front of me. Had I not been drinking, this wouldn't have happened. Needless to say, when I woke up yesterday, I starting drinking immediately so I wouldn't have to face the pain. Well, now its just worse today. I called in work sick. I'll have to go in tomorrow. I wish I had friends like people on this site. I need to be around people that don't drink. Its sad but true. I CAN NOT be in situations like that. I don't have the strength. I was doing so good, but I know I have to hang around sober people. Its sad, cause my friends are really really good people. They just don't want to stop the party. Just wanted to get that out of my system.

[DidItForMe]

I don't deserve this site

I remember those days. I don't know what my body would do if I did that now. Not enough sleep, too much booze, and coke, sheesh. The heart beat alone would probably kill me! Sorry pal, that sounds bad. I wish I could Fed Ex you some xanax or something. liquid...sleep...relax. Good luck!

[morrison]

I don't deserve this site

Thanks diditforme

Thanks again. Thank you to everybody on this site. I need you so much. That is why I feel selfish. I stopped coming by everyday, and got a little arrogent. I forgot I needed the support. Funny how the mind does that. And thanks, I'll be 35 this year, and my body can't take it either. I decided to go alcohol free, because I just over do it. I can not mod. I never did coke without the booze. If I had it in front of me, I'd have the sense to decline. But, I get drunk, and I'll smoke pot, do coke, and even meth, which I absolutely hate that drug. I am a different person when I'm drunk. I'm afraid I am a bad person. I don't feel like that when I'm sober, but there must be some evil in me because I get very nasty when I drink. I was mean to some people again during my binge. Nothing severe, but just rude and short tempered. I hate being like that. It really destroys me. I can't forgive myself. I'm grateful that the people on this site are forgiving people.

[Popeye]

I don't deserve this site

Hello morrison,
You've helped me up in the past when I've felt like I've let everyone down....I hadn't of course, just myself. You're a good person. Try and look after yourself.

[morrison]

I don't deserve this site

Hello popeye

Thanks to you as well. I'm feeling so much better. I'm checking on other post, and just getting that warm feeling again. I can't let myself get complacent and leave this site. The booze has won this battle, but won't win the war, I can gaurentee that. If I came on here, I would have had the necessary reminders of why I quit this garbage in the first place. Live and learn, right? I would not be able to do this without any of you guys. Oops, guys, and gals, sorry for not being PC. But honestly, the stretches of sobriety I've had recently were the longest I've had in a decade. I could never be sober on my own. I like to think of myself as a tough guy, but I need help. It was always so hard to admit. I always faced my fears one on one. But, this thing is so tricky and powerful, I am no longer ashamed to admit I need some help. I am so grateful for that. That is why I felt this morning I didn't deserve this site. But, if you will all have me stick around, I am more grateful than words can describe. I love all of you.

[southernbelle47]

I don't deserve this site

Oh Morrison.
I posted this elsewhere but I think you need it here.
Please hang on ....Help is on the way.
:h Love,
Nancy
Forgive Yourself Perhaps the hardest person for you to forgive is you. I've done a couple of things in my life where I have felt that way. I've kicked myself pretty good over them. One kicking never seems enough; time goes by and I feel the need to send myself to the woodshed once again. Do you ever feel that way?


Even after we repent and seek the Lord's forgiveness - and know we have it - some of us can't seem to get past our past. God's Word tells us; "I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins." (Isaiah 43:25)
There we have it! Why isn't that enough, we ask ourselves?
This may be some comfort and a bridge for moving on: "The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down." (Psalm 145:14)
God isn't just saying; "Okay, I forgive you and I'll forget about it." He's saying; "Your very act of sin brings you my special attention. As you are falling into it, I'm holding you up, I'm lifting you out of it; I'm straightening you so you can walk forward without sin""


Strange as it seems, our failings are an occasion for God's grace to abound to us. As we consider the kind of God who would demonstrate such mercy, maybe we can also lay our failings to rest and finally forgive ourselves.

Used by permission



Visit Hannah's Cupboard for much more!
Now that she's growing up, her gifts are shutting down. Are Gifts & Callings Ever Lost?
Barbara Lardinais Hannah's Cupboard ? 2007
email: barbara@hannahscupboard.com
web: http://www.hannahscupboard.com

[morrison]

I don't deserve this site

So true Nancy

I've always been one to immeditely forgive others. Honestly, I never stay angry. I get extremely angry due to my bad temper, but get it out of my system. I don't hold grudges. But, when it comes to my own screw ups, I dwell forever. Sometimes I'll dwell on something stupid I did years ago. Thanks for the post. I truly wish my faith in a higher power was stronger. I just don't feel it most times. I was asking God this morning to take away my pain. I know it doesn't work that way, but sometimes it feels like I'm being silly for even praying.

[southernbelle47]

I don't deserve this site

This morning you "asked" and now you"feel" better....right?
Tis not silly....
Tis Truth....

[morrison]

I don't deserve this site

Wow

I'm so myopic at times. You are right southern. He works in mysterious ways, right? :h

[southernbelle47]

I don't deserve this site

OK....after consulting my Websters dictionary....

Why, yes you are Honey!

And , yes He does....even there where you are...maybe even more so there as "sin city" probably keeps His attention alot! )