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An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

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    #1

    An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

    I usually don't start too many threads but what the hey...2 in a week-I'm on a roll.

    This weekend we had a party and well in my home there is no alcohol due to my weak nature. Anyway. As hubby & I were driving home from Saturday's party we mentioned that we should get some beer for the guys for Sunday. Hubby suggested some small amount. Well here's alcoholic brained me going for some huge amount (there weren't that many guys) but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Didn't want to offend the drinkers if there wasn't enough. Hubby was mortified that I even suggested that amount. Even after I said that the leftovers would be given away the car ride home was a blowout fight that my hubby was pissed I suggested such a huge amount.

    Well we talked and it was forgotten. Misunderstanding-he's still nervous about me going back to my ol' ways. Onto my story~Sunday night & hubby was putting the garbage out & he informed me he threw all the left over beer in the garbage (the leftovers would have gone with my parents-but dad's in the hospital).

    As soon as he told me he threw them out this weird overwhelming "punch in the stomach" feeling came over me. Like how could you throw them out? Waste them? I didn't even dare ask how many were left. I don't even drink beer! I haven't had a drop of alcohol in months. I didn't crave a drink all weekend but just the thought of wasting them. Weird.

    You begin to live your life without it but every once in awhile.....you get that weird feeling out of the blue. I didn't miss it, I didn't crave it, I just didn't want it to go to waste. Like an old left over alcoholic emotion I forgot to get rid of before I started my abs journey. It was creepy.
    :flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpic
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    #2
    An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

    Hey Breeze, yeh I felt a bit weird just reading what you wrote (cause I was imagining it being me in your situation).
    I think I would have the 'punch him in the stomach' feeling because the 'control of the alcohol' had been taken out of my hands.

    It's only recently that I have been AF again, but I remember sooooooo clearly how I controlled how much alcohol there was around, always knowing where it was, how much was left etc etc. It was always me controlling it and I think even now (being abstinent) I might feel a twinge if my partner did something along the same lines.

    Amelia
    Amelia

    Sober since 30/06/10

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      #3
      An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

      Breeze, great story and one that I can relate to.

      Yesterday was a trigger day for me, I suppose. Had a somewhat stressful day at work and had the night to myself at home. Never wanted a drink or craved one, but the whole situation of me not drinking and what I am working through kept flashing into my head.

      I'm guessing it was my brain trying to subliminally get to me, but I knew what was going on and it never turned into an issue. Still a bit unsettling nonetheless, and today is much better.
      Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

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        #4
        An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

        Yes... I'm with amelia... I can absolutely imagine having that feeling, even if I had happily chosen permanent abs with success.

        I guess it's one of those ingrained things that will take time to get over. I wonder if those sorts of thoughts/feelings pass after several years of abs. ie re-conditioning of the mind.

        Doo
        :heart: Sobriety - Keep it simple :heart:

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          #5
          An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

          Breez,
          I could imagine being in your shoes too. I am not AB's but I am MOD's. If a drink that I didn't like was being tossed out I too would think "alcohol abuse" even if I never even would want to touch the stuff. It's weird how those thoughts enter our heads.

          By the way congrats on sticking to your goals!
          "Keep your eyes and heart focused on the end goal at all times, and never settle for less."

          Comment

            #6
            An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

            I know what you mean Breez. The little tricks my head plays with me are really wierd.
            My son works in a whiskey bottling plant (of all places) and regularly comes in with 3 or 4 bottles. But I don't drink whiskey, I drink vodka. If I see the tiniest bit going to waste, I feel like I have to protect it....to let it fullfil it's destiny. Strange! Even stranger I haven't smoked for years now, yet if someone throws away a lit fag, I still have this microsecond long impulse to finish it off for them. I don't though, incase you were wondering.

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              #7
              An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

              breez i have an unopened litre of whisky in the cupboard and if that was thrown away i would be furious, i dont want it it doesnt tempt me but if it got chucked i would flip

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                #8
                An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

                Pop- I laughed & laughed!
                That's it! Yeah-fulfilling it's destiny. I would of knocked on my neighbor's door & given it to them. But not the trash. I visualized these cans in the garbage can going "save us...save us...". Give us a good home.

                Oh-& I just visualized you picking up a fag off the ground taking that last drag saying "your work here is done". LOL!
                :flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpic

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                  #9
                  An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

                  The thought of throwing away alcohol appalls me!! But I'm the same way about a lot of things! I will throw away left over food into the woods behind my house for the racoons rather than throw it in the garbage (can't waste food!).

                  The only time I throw alcohol away is if I'm in danger of drinking it and I really don't want to! My brain works hard trying to convince me that I do want to though.
                  AF as of August 5th, 2012

                  Comment

                    #10
                    An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

                    I can relate to that thinking of it being "alcohol abuse". When I'm at work @ the cafe & someone doesn't finish their wine or beer, it's hard to just dump it out. I feel guilty...& envious that someone can do that.

                    Breez, that whole thing of someone else deciding for you... I know that feeling of frustration. For me it borders on outrage, or a child's temper tantrum.
                    The only thing worth stealing is a kiss...:flower: zwink:

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                      #11
                      An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

                      Hmm. I've thrown a ton out

                      Haven't any of you thrown it out in the past when you knew it was "the last time?" Haha. God, I must have thrown out thousands of dollars worth of booze in a extremely sick state. Of course, when I went on the next binge I would reflect back on throwing it out and then feel bad about it. Young and I can't be the only ones that have done this.
                      where does this go?

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                        #12
                        An Old Emotion I forgot to get rid of

                        You're not!
                        "Be still and know that I am God"

                        Psalm 46:10

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