I'm back!

[morrison]

I'm back!

why do we do that Irish?

Irish, I'm the same way. Time and time again, I think I have this thing beat. This time is different. This time, I'll just drink and have some fun, and get on with my business tomorrow. Today is fun day, right? But it always turns into DAYS. It is nuts. I just don't drink one night, it is always 2 or 3 hard days. It literally takes burn out for me to get back on track. Like this morning. I just felt so horrible, I had to come on here. But what about the other days? Why did I think I was fixed? You're completely correct. I look at alcohol as an entity. An evil entity. It is so smart. It continues to fool us time and time again. It is that relationship that you wrote about. Oh honey, I wont' hurt you this time. I've always loved you. This time will be different. Yeah right!! How many times is enough. Ugg. Nothing has ever made me feel more stupid than booze.

[Kitty]

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Hi CKE,

I know how you feel thinking that life will be boring without alcohol, and I gave this some thought the other day.

Most of my past nights out have inevitably ended in embarresment, a bruised ego and body and although at the time I was probably having the time of my life, cleaning up the mess afterwards and "living down" the night has just been too awfull.

I am trying AF right now because I know moderation is very difficult for me. I can't honestly say that I enjoy myself that much when I go out and get trashed and I think I would maybe rather be a bit bored than have to deal with the cosequences of a crazy night out.



Kitty

[happycamper68]

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Morrison,
You really do sound so much better. I'm so glad. And don't you go anywhere we all :h you.

[irishlady]

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Yes morrison, that is it exactly... We have to stop thinking of alcohol as a harmless liquid that we can control and look on it as the most evil person we can think of who has complete control over our every waking moment..

That may sound melodramatic, but it is a war we are fighting, and so many times that war takes place in our heads, thank God people in the street can't read our minds and see the battles raging in there sometimes..

I used to think like you, I'll just have two glasses then stop, I actually believed it, everytime... Not anymore though, I have wised up to him now, and I have taken back control over my life, its one of the best feelings in the world to be able to say to someone, no thanks, I don't drink, and actually mean it...

[morrison]

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yes kitty

I think that is what going AF is all about. The logical part of my brain knows I don't have that much fun when I drink. The fun to pain ration is about 10 to 90 in favor of pain. Now, the logical mind can allow me to type this, and know it is completely true. But some part of the mind casts aside that logic somehow. I am in awe of my own stupidity. Really, it's like I am two different people at times.

[DidItForMe]

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I am two different people before I drink, and they argue over whether to drink or not. And if one wins and I drink, I become about four more different people. I could be the crying one, the angry beligerent (sp) one, the laughing one, or the mean one. Who knows who I'll be. It's so strange.

[morrison]

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ditto didit

I should have phrased it better, but you hit the nail on the head perfectly. Yes, throughout life, we all live with the constant battle. The duality in our mind. That voice that argues with the sound mind. I think it is when these two mindsets are in harmony that we are fulfilled and complete. But like many relationships, things get sour. The two minds start to drift. They get into a fight, and sometimes the illogical mind prevails. I guess for me, this site is like a relationship councilor, helping me keep the two parts of my mind together. Sure, there will be internal conflict, just like any relationship, but in the end, all we have is each other, and we are much happy and better off when we are working cohesively. The two minds become one.

[Saint Jude]

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Didit, that is so true for me as well. I can be happy-go-lucky, castrating bitch, sad & sorry nostalgic, all in a matter of minutes sometimes...

I feel sorry for my Hubby, trying to guess & dodge me!
Yesterday I was mad @ him, but didn't say a word till it came out in one little sarcastic quip. All of a sudden, we're both hurt. Still working on that today...Dammit.

PS, Morrison welcome back! You sound much better. Hang in there. Glad you're here.

Hugs,
Judie

[morrison]

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Saint jude

Hello saint. I saw your mood was pensive. It immediately made me think of one of my favorite quotes.

"While pensive poets painful vigils keep, / Sleepless themselves to give their readers sleep."

Alexander Pope.

I always liked that one for some reason.