I'm not drinking today. I'm not drinking tomorrow. ODAT. That is as far into the future as I'm willing to project.
If I had less than 30 alcohol free days, and was unconsciously looking for justification to have a drink, this is the kind of thread that would grab my attention.
I'm beginning to think that the reason Roberta Jewell no longer drinks is not because she fell into a drunken abyss, but because it was too much of a pain in the ass to moderate.
Not drinking these past 40 days has been easy for me. HONEST. There has been an open bottle of my favorite white in the fridge and an open bottle of my daily red on the counter. Occasionally, my husband has a glass or two while we watch tv. There is nothing for me to think about, no conversation, angst, thoughts, or arguments with myself. There's nothing to discuss, decide or plan. I'm not drinking today, game over.
I realize that I didn't come here to STOP drinking. I came to stop the pain. The people on the board that I have come to trust have learned that the only way to stop the pain is to stop drinking completely. I am not convinced yet, but evidence is strongly pointing in that direction.
I know that I have had many very enjoyable days that I drank and did not over-indulge that just don't compare to the days I sat alone clutching bottle after bottle of wine. The former I did out of enjoyment - the latter out of desperate compulsion. I don't want scenario #2 - that is what brought me to this site. Scenario #1 still calls to me.
Since hitting day 30, I've put myself in situations where I COULD drink. Each time, I thought about it, and didn't really want to. It wasn't a special occasion or an event. I wasn't on vacation. It was just an ordinary Tuesday or whatever and what was one drink going to do for me, other than cost $10?
For me, moderation would be enjoyable drinking. Like when we're on vacation. We may or may not have a drink during the day at a little cafe, or over lunch and/or before dinner. We'll split a bottle of wine - sometimes two - over a dinner that lasts several hours. We may have a nightcap back at the hotel. The next day we do it again. Then we come home, and then . . .the vacation ends. Is that where I kept on drinking, because it was enjoyable, and then it became a habit and then it became a crutch and then it became important and necessary? Does it have to be that way?
This is just a journal of my thoughts. If I ever drink again, it will be a considered choice. There is a tipping point where it is no longer a choice, and that is the difficulty of moderation. I don't know that I have that control and that is also part of why I have not had a drink. That is where living in the moment ends and I start thinking about how long has it been since I had the last drink and can I have another. I'm already projecting into the future.
I've met some people on this board in very desperate situations. That has never been me and never will be. I never carried around liquor, drank in the daytime (unless on vacation or at brunch!) or got behind the wheel intoxicated. I sat in my chair and drank until I passed out, hurting myself physically and emotionally, and hurting my husband as well. Whatever I was trying to drink away must still be lurking in here somewhere, along with depression, and I am seeking professional help for that (damn doctors - wait two months to an appointment!!!!).
I'm rambling. I have played out the "Thanksgiving" scenario in my head (thanks Byrdie) and it is a very fine line, isn't it?
A group of old dear friends are getting together on the West Coast for the holiday. It is a big celebration - we all haven't been together in years. I may have a drink. Just this moment I realized that I will NOT descend into a drunken, downward cycle. Been there, done that. I'm not going back there!
I am grateful that I am sober today. I am so grateful for my relationships on this site and the enormous growing experience that it is for me.
I need to go clean for houseguests and start packing! Have a great AF day everyone!
If I had less than 30 alcohol free days, and was unconsciously looking for justification to have a drink, this is the kind of thread that would grab my attention.
I'm beginning to think that the reason Roberta Jewell no longer drinks is not because she fell into a drunken abyss, but because it was too much of a pain in the ass to moderate.
Not drinking these past 40 days has been easy for me. HONEST. There has been an open bottle of my favorite white in the fridge and an open bottle of my daily red on the counter. Occasionally, my husband has a glass or two while we watch tv. There is nothing for me to think about, no conversation, angst, thoughts, or arguments with myself. There's nothing to discuss, decide or plan. I'm not drinking today, game over.
I realize that I didn't come here to STOP drinking. I came to stop the pain. The people on the board that I have come to trust have learned that the only way to stop the pain is to stop drinking completely. I am not convinced yet, but evidence is strongly pointing in that direction.
I know that I have had many very enjoyable days that I drank and did not over-indulge that just don't compare to the days I sat alone clutching bottle after bottle of wine. The former I did out of enjoyment - the latter out of desperate compulsion. I don't want scenario #2 - that is what brought me to this site. Scenario #1 still calls to me.
Since hitting day 30, I've put myself in situations where I COULD drink. Each time, I thought about it, and didn't really want to. It wasn't a special occasion or an event. I wasn't on vacation. It was just an ordinary Tuesday or whatever and what was one drink going to do for me, other than cost $10?
For me, moderation would be enjoyable drinking. Like when we're on vacation. We may or may not have a drink during the day at a little cafe, or over lunch and/or before dinner. We'll split a bottle of wine - sometimes two - over a dinner that lasts several hours. We may have a nightcap back at the hotel. The next day we do it again. Then we come home, and then . . .the vacation ends. Is that where I kept on drinking, because it was enjoyable, and then it became a habit and then it became a crutch and then it became important and necessary? Does it have to be that way?
This is just a journal of my thoughts. If I ever drink again, it will be a considered choice. There is a tipping point where it is no longer a choice, and that is the difficulty of moderation. I don't know that I have that control and that is also part of why I have not had a drink. That is where living in the moment ends and I start thinking about how long has it been since I had the last drink and can I have another. I'm already projecting into the future.
I've met some people on this board in very desperate situations. That has never been me and never will be. I never carried around liquor, drank in the daytime (unless on vacation or at brunch!) or got behind the wheel intoxicated. I sat in my chair and drank until I passed out, hurting myself physically and emotionally, and hurting my husband as well. Whatever I was trying to drink away must still be lurking in here somewhere, along with depression, and I am seeking professional help for that (damn doctors - wait two months to an appointment!!!!).
I'm rambling. I have played out the "Thanksgiving" scenario in my head (thanks Byrdie) and it is a very fine line, isn't it?
A group of old dear friends are getting together on the West Coast for the holiday. It is a big celebration - we all haven't been together in years. I may have a drink. Just this moment I realized that I will NOT descend into a drunken, downward cycle. Been there, done that. I'm not going back there!
I am grateful that I am sober today. I am so grateful for my relationships on this site and the enormous growing experience that it is for me.
I need to go clean for houseguests and start packing! Have a great AF day everyone!
I ended up being sick one night from drinking too much... 
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