Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

[Sunbeam]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

I could drink this holiday season, but I simply don't want to. Sometimes I didn't drink too much, sometimes I did. Many days i didnt drink at all. I couldn't necessarily predict or control those too much times. I'm just so relieved to be done with those worries.

[NoSugar]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

How are you doing, Strong? I hope everything is working out for you.

[spuddleduck]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

fantastic thread. very thoughtful and insightful posts. thanks

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

BELIEVE;1599247 wrote: With all due respect to the abstinence camp, modding is entirely doable in some cases.

The "good times" vs. "Bad times" with drinking sums up my version of modding (modding will be different for different people). Having just a couple drinks on a regular basis sounds like the lamest shit in the world to me. So when I drink, I drink till I get my fill, all day every day if I want (usually don't want that but still). I drink on vacations and special occasions, but outside of that I just stay af. Its kind of like having two realities, but neither is preferable to the other, together they make a very nice balance in life (for me anyway).

Stopping drinking for an extended period is important, IMO you have to create your "AF reality" and get comfortable in it. Stopping the first few times was difficult, but it got easier the more times I did it. Now its really no biggie to stop drinking when vacations over. Its about like giving up eating foods I like in sufficient quantities for the paltry rations of crap I really don't like but is good for me, which goes hand in hand with getting back into af mode.

For me, af mode is my default setting. Its comfortable, I'm productive, and physically I feel great all the time (hangover-free mornings are the greatest). Modding frees you of that desperate feeling of never getting to experience the "Good times" involving alcohol again. You can be around alcohol all the time and not give a damn. Not everyone has to be either drunk or abstaining. I've found the middle of that particular road to be quite wide. Maybe you will too someday.

Hope this makes sense and helps in some way. I just got off work and I'm dead tired so sorry if I'm rambling a bit.

Believe - I know exactly what you are talking about!!!! My abstinence period helped me to get rid of my everyday/normal drinking. I don't even think about it anymore. It is my default setting.

Glad I came back to this thread and saw your post.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

Hi Everyone! I am so sorry that I have not been following this thread! I've been posting on the Long Term Moderators site everyday - didn't know that this generated some conversation and support - and I am so appreciative!!! I'm doing very well. We spent Thanksgiving with wonderful friends, and I drank the entire weekend (edit: I didn't spend the entire weekend drinking - but enjoyed it when we did have drinks). I did not fall into the abyss. Came back to my regular life, and returned to my mantra of "I'm not drinking today". Hubby has been traveling - always a trigger for me, I formerly sat at home, alone and drank until I passed out to get me thru boredom, loneliness, frustration, everyday life. Today I realized that it didn't even occur to me to drink!!! Drinking is no longer a daily requirement or a nagging thought that needs constant attention and reprimand. I won't get complacent about this - so easy to slide back into old habits, I'm sure. I'm happy to know that I won't drink alone. New reality here - not even an issue.

Anyway, I came to the general thread tonight looking for posts on depression. As I've shared in the Nest, one of the biggest motivators for me in wanting to stop drinking was how depressed I was, despite all the wonderful things going on in my life. It has taken this long to get an appointment to see someone (appointment is tomorrow). Went to the gyne this morning for my annual, and she asked "how are you" and I just started crying and feeling this deep sadness that I wasn't aware existed. So many issues, mostly health/physical ailments and my job-related where I feel powerless, stuck, and extremely unhappy. Was just looking to connect with people also working on their depression.

NS - so sorry I didn't see your post! This morning I would have said I am doing really well. Tonight, I'm doing ok and going to see what I can do about this depression. We're getting ready to go to Australia for nearly a month - part of the depression, despite going on a fabulous holiday to be with our new granddaughter and family - I can't be in the sun, don't have anything to wear that doesn't emphasize that I'm fat and frumpy, etc. etc. At least I'm not fretting about alcohol, too.

Hope you are all doing well. I will post here more often.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

Sunbeam;1589798 wrote: I drank moderately for about three years, never going back to where I was before posted here. But there were too many times i drank more than i intended. I got tired of the game. Now I have no desire to drink ever again. Vacations and holidays are more enjoyable because I don't spend any time worrying if I have or will drink too much.

Sunbeam - hate to sound blonde, but how do I find this: "My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 225 on the toolbox thread"

[Sunbeam]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

Hi Strong,
The toolbox thread is a sticky under monthly abstinence. The posts are consecutively numbered with "permalinks". This link will take you to the correct page, then you will need to scroll down to find my post: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...-23-27556.html

Sounds like a brunette question to me!

[DreamThinkDo]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

I'm Strong and in Control;1600846 wrote: Sunbeam - hate to sound blonde, but how do I find this: "My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 225 on the toolbox thread"

Strong, it's post 225 in the toolbox - my page 6, but depending on how many messages you have per page, the page number may differ. (My setting is for 40 posts/page.) The post number appears top right of each post.

Here's a link - scroll down until you get to 225: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...x-6-27556.html

[Chief Bromden]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

You can directly link to a post - in this case it's https://www.mywayout.org/community/1373917-post225.html

[BELIEVE]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

Hi Strong, awesome to hear about your success modding!

Sorry to hear about the sadness and depression, although I can relate to them popping up all of a sudden when you didn't even know they were there. I was horribly depressed the first few times I stopped drinking to switch back to "AF mode". Its gotten easier each time though, whereas the first few times it was like I was standing under a waterfall of sadness that just wouldn't stop (although I could never put my finger on what exactly I was sad about) now I just sort of get occasional twinges. I just figured that being the alcoholic that I am I'm just wired a bit differently from others. That said, it would follow that switching back and forth between drinking and not could trigger some chemical reactions (emotions are chemical reactions, or are at least caused by chemical reactions if I'm not mistaken) and things could get a little screwy from time to time. Ambiguous as it is (in terms of its source) the sadness can be quite profound at times. Even more profound though is the gift that God has given me in that I'm not where I was when I decided to seek help to control my drinking. MWO was only the first step but I was prepared to do much more to regain control of my life.

So I have friends who consume their body weight in alcohol everyday, and they are completely miserable. They are caught in the cycle of drinking to escape the misery for which drinking is largely responsible. How many people on this board do you see in that situation? How many people were caught up in that cycle when they just sort of stopped posting, never to be heard from again? Thats sad. Its sad that any of us were driven to take extraordinary steps to avoid the unthinkable consequences of giving our lives over to al. Before I digress any further I'll just say that every day that you're in control is a huge victory. Just words when you're feeling down, believe me I know but at the end of the day I can't think of a more precious gift.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

Thanks Believe - I know that depression has been in and out of my life since adolescence. Sometimes its just a passing breeze, and other times, a fog that doesn't lift. After seeing the therapist last week, I realized how miserable and hopeless I am in my job - where I spend the majority of my time. I'm just not going to do it anymore and am considering major changes. Not jumping the gun on anything here, just choosing happiness and fulfillment over stagnancy. Feeling much more hopeful, and at peace. Wishing you all joy!!!

[j-vo]

Down the Rabbit Hole - What is Moderating?

ISIC, I've been struggling a lot with depression lately. It's not as bad as it has been in the past, but I just get extremely tired, low, and have a hard time doing the most simple things. I promised to myself I will get off my a** tomorrow and be productive. That doesn't always work, but I'm pushing myself extra hard. I'm glad you're feeling the hope and peace!