uch:Hi anyone & everyone...
I have been working hard on my drinking and have made progress recently but got enilated last night. I am so very very disappointed in myself.
I know you hear this all the time so I'm sorry.
I just needed to talk and I am really trying to make an effort to reach out and just plain talk about what I have going on. I love hearing from people and talking to them about their issues. I love the compassion that fills my heart. I just wish I could find it for myself.
Things in my life really have been improving in my relationships. I think it is because I am learning to love myself. I do find that I have some deep hatred toward myself and I am REALLY trying not to let those feelings engage in me. I had a tough time as a kid and I never really let myself "feel" those sad feelings because I thought it showed weakness. I am learning that vulnerability is a very strong feeling to show others because it shows your human. I have been making some awesome changes in my life but this drinking is a challenge that I feel I will battle forever. I know you will say that I am right and I will always carry this with me.
I love reading through the threads & listening to people. I would like to make an effort to post more. Maybe it's just my time to read.
I have drank 9 times this month so far and I am sure I will drink on Thanksgiving. It seems to me when I plan a drinking day it allows me to think about how I will drink & where I want to be at the end of the night. When I just start drinking randomly I seem to get drunk. See there is progress realizing this very fact and I have to credit myself for doing this. I am so quick to beat myself up for getting drunk and I lose my progress momentum. I am really trying not to do this. I have been lying down and wrapping my arms around myself as to give myself a hug so I feel I love myself.
This is getting to long.
Thank you for reading & listening it means a lot tome right now & always.
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