Hi there: I have a question? I have attempted to quit drinking on two other occasions, for the last two years for a period of 5 weeks at a time.....I've now finally reached so far to date, 10 weeks without alcohol. I've noticed on some of the posts here that spouses/ and or other significant partners appear to be verbally supportive towards some of you out there. I however, have not received one positive comment from my husband. We had a huge blow-out on Friday night (mainly because of kids) but, I did mention how he has not said one positive remark since I quit drinking. My brother-in-law and father have said more in the last ten weeks.....now my husband and I are barely talking! I really felt like a drink on Friday night, but with the help of the supps, and now keeping a diary of my "recovery", this has helped! Thanks for listening!
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Verbal Support
I know how you feel.........does hubby drink? Mine drinks wine or beer everyday and he would like for us to have that incommon.. I just can't mod!!!! I've tried and tried......
I think he doesn't say anything because he can't trust me to not overdrink..yet and maybe he thinks that if I don't drink......he will feel guilty for keeping doing it himself? Does that make any sense?
Nancy:rolleyes -
Verbal Support
Hi Nancy: My husband does not drink in front of me, and when he does he asks if I mind him having a drink. He does not drink that much anyway! My problem is that I wish I had some positive feedback from him which makes me feel I'm doing a good job not drinking "at all"!Comment
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Verbal Support
I feel for you too, when I stop totally, my hubby loses he drinkin buddy, and doesn't like it all too well!!:| He says things like,"I am happy for you" and things like that as he pours himself another beer.......he also does other things(mood altering).........we fight all the time, that is why I am trying DESPERATELY to moderate!
: It is hard not matter which way I look at it!?: :rolleyes
I wish you best of luck and let's keep eachother posted as to our progress!? OK?? I need someone to talk to about this too!!!!
Mary Anne:hComment
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Verbal Support
Have you said........."Honey, you know how much I value your thoughts and opinions...how do you think I'm doing? I just need to hear a few words of encouragement from you. " I know its hard to ask for what we need but men are clueless about some things. Mostly what makes women tick!:rolleyesComment
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Verbal Support
I know that it is so true that we are so different then men, but my own brother-in-law over the last 10 weeks who I have seen about 3 times has told me how proud he is of me! Maybe its just the type of guy my husbandis! I have a house full of men, husband and 3 boys so not too use to compliments! I also have a male boss that doesn't compliment me either. The only place I get complimented is at the gym where I teach fitness part-time (women only)....I did mention to my husband that he has not said anything supportive to me and he agreed and left it at that! That was on Friday and has yet to even really talk to me since then! We've just been bickering "like the old days" when I was drinking!Comment
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Verbal Support
Hi B,
It sounds to me like your husband, for whatever reason, may not be comfortable with you making a change. Removing alcohol can effect relationships temporarily as the people involved get used to the new dynamic, and as they begin to realize that this is a permanent change. I say, forge ahead, whether you get positive feedback or not from him. It might interest you to read the thread on "people pleasing" over on he July Abs Event board, because it deals with things like affirmation from others, and how that can be problematic.
I think one thing we grow into in our struggle to control our drinking, is the ability to rely on ourselves for approval more, because we are the only ones who REALLY know how we're doing inside, no matter what others say - positive or negative comments don't end up mattering much in the big picture. (But I sure do know how good a kind word can feel from a loved one!)
You are doing so incredibly well! Congratulations on 10 weeks, that is just awesome. Keep it up!
DeirdreComment
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Verbal Support
Thank you so much to those who have responded to my post. I appreciate the feedback and encouragement. Deirdre you are so right in your thoughts....I will look at the July mods board.Comment
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Verbal Support
Dear B.
I couldn't agree more with Deidre. All of us are very mistrusting of any upset to our schedule, habits and conveniences. That means that everybody has to adjust to a new situation, whether they like it or not. You are doing so incredibly well. Just listen to you own drummer. Only you know what is good and productive for you. You are the only one you can please and even if there is no fanfare or pat on the shoulder, 10 weeks is still an astonishing accomplishment.
Why is it so hard for us women to celebrate our accomplishments without being given approval by our significant others. I know all about it, I have been there with other issues.
You are fabulous, you are wonderful, you are a rock.
Love Lori.Comment
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Verbal Support
Boy does this ring bells in my head! Major echo's from Jan. when I was just starting this program!!
I remember posting something quite similar, and getting a response from others on board, regarding... significant others.... And their reactions or lack of... to changes in the home...
Sometimes, the people close to us, might unknowingly sabbotage our efforts, to change. Because of the threat...or:rolleyes the changes they may need to make as well... Change can be scarey sometimes. Un known territory...
:y :P :d ...JudieComment
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Verbal Support
I kinda had the same situation with my husband when I started with the topa and the supps. I was so proud of myself for cutting back the amount I was drinking and he never said a word. Finally I said something to him about it, like, "aren't you even proud of me?" and he said "I thought this was gonna make you quit". Well, I'm working on it. I'm proud of myself for not drinking as much and for having much more control over when and how much I drink. I don't know, at this point I may never be AF but I am happy with where I am at right now and I hope he is too.
katComment
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