Daughter (13) has a recital last night....so I tell her Daddy time, place etc. (He comes to ALL our sons baseball events no matter what time, what day, etc....he came to 1 of Brit's volleyball games and didn't come to her fall concert and guess what...didn't show for spring one either...and it didn't start until 7:30. He works OUTSIDE, so I know he was off ...it is freaking dark by that time. He wasn't working. So, I look up and my babies face is hurt looking and I am wondering why...look around....there sits his girlfriend of 2 months with her 2 children (BTW...this is like his 7th or 8th girlfriend in 4 years, so chances are, she will not be a permanent figure in my children's life). My daughters face looks so hurt because her Daddy is not there. I am so mad I get tears in my eyes, so I excuse myself to the restroom because we can read each other very well and I DO NOT want her upset more than she is. I have a good talk with MYSELF and calm down and return. His girlfriend is a real pushy type. I have nothing against her, but she has children THESE are MINE. It is not her place to attend their functions. If he had been there and she were there as his guest that is one thing, but to come alone???? Had she been in their lives for a significant amount of time or her and their Daddy had long term plans, I could see her attending, but that was rediculous.....am I being silly? I wanted to call him and say something , but I was very angry so I didn't. she knew I was upset because I am not very good at hiding emotion and gave her the "evil eye" as I walked back to my seat...but then as the concert ended she got up, and stood by the door so we would HAVE to pass them to leave...well I took the high road and left through another way (one she didn't know because her children do not attened those schools) in an effort to avoid an event he LIKES to attend. He is missing out on her life. He has an daughter from a marriage before me and she has nothing to do with him...but she talks to me and Brit...how sad is that???? He is gonna push Brit away. Do you all think I am overreacting????
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Kill me please!!!
you're not over-reacting. Its so hard. -
Kill me please!!!
Luv, Not at all, I am not going to man bash(you know why) but that being said Fatherhood is not a pick and choose adventure. He should have been there for her, if he wasn't coming he owed you a phone call as to why so Britt had an explanation. His girl friend may have been trying to be him by proxy. But a 2 month girl friend dosen't cut it. I glad you restrianed yourself because she had her children with her. I have been were you all with the revolving girlfriends, your child deserves better. I know you have a lot on your plate right now,so give me his number I'll straighten his butt out. He cannot attend all zak's games and forget Britt. she is his too. And No I won't kill you I need you. You take care of today and do your best jerks like him just never seem to get it. My ex husband ,not Noelles Father< but step Dad went to her 1st dance recital and sat thru the whole thing with sunglasses on. because he thought he was to cool to be the. I had purchased flowers for him to give to her after the recital, he shoved them at her saying "here you go" her own Father couldn't attened because he was living in NY at the time. My parents were there. I wanted to kill him. So I totally get where your coming from. Man my heart is pounding this makes me mad!! deep breaths for both of us!
Love you girl
MarComment
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Kill me please!!!
Luv, you and your children have every right to feel sad and left out for his neglectful behaviour... You daughter is very lucky to have a great Mom...You !! Trust me, if a child is lucky enough to have a Mom like yourself they will excell in life because of it... Hugs to you and your daughter... He is the one that will one day realize how much he has thrown away.... Love You, ~Niblet~ with a hug attached.
~ I hear a whinny on the wind~Comment
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Kill me please!!!
Dear Luv,
you are in the right because the 2 month-old girlfriend had NOOO right to be there.
You were very reasonable because if it were me I would have verbally attacked the woman - even if I hadn't had a drink!!
You were strong and a good Mum- you showed her up while still keeping your self-respect intact.
Good for you, xxxJust believe - that's all you have to do
:lilangel:Comment
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Kill me please!!!
Luvuall..it's the hardest thing in the world. My father married 3 times after my mother. Enough said. Fortunately my ex-husband has been a decent father, but I learned the hard way that whenever my ex-husband or my husband (my kid's step father) wasn't being the man I wanted them to be for my children that I had multiple things to deal with..first were my emotions which came from several places...my childhood expectations, my expecations and dissappointments within the relationship with that man, what I thought a father should be, and who that man really is...and then there is that relationship between the child and that person that doesn't involve me. It takes the lifetime of that child, usually to sort through all of those things, but the sooner you can do that, the sooner you can be the mother to the child and help her to deal with her relationship with her father without all of those other facets..she doesn't need any of those. The fact is, she will learn how to relate to men through her father, and he is it, and he won't be anything but who he is..just like a man is just a man, is just a man...I had to learn how to support my daughter in each individual situation...my ex-husband had a way of making my daughter feel 'shamed'...it would just infuriate me..large part because I was bringing in some other baggage, but I would try to push through that and do what I could do to help her get the lesson he was trying to deliver in his bumbling way and to teach her not to take on the shame that HIS bumbling could potentially cause...does that make sense...probably more than you wanted to hear, but it's a subject dear to my heart..being a child of divorce and a divorced parent really wanting to minimize the catastrophic effects that divorce has on kids. You have an opportunity to minimize the effects, but there are a lot of little threads to untangle in situations just like this, and if you do, it will make all of the difference for you and your little girl. Good luck dear. Oh, by the way...if all ex-husbands and ex-wives behaved perfectly, then divorce wouldn't be a problem, would it...your situation is more than the norm than the exception.
Namaste! DianneComment
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Kill me please!!!
Luv, do you have a good enough relationship with him that you can say to him that your daughter's feelings were hurt that you did not show up nor did you call? She sees that you are there for all the boys games but not for her events.
As parents, men or women, we all have to sit through stuff that we would rather not because our kids are not involved. When your are divorced, you have to pull double-duty sometimes to show that you are divorcing your spouse, not your child. That means sitting through something that you really rather would not, or at least calling - not sending a stand-in. He may not know this, in all fairness.
If this is not the case, be there to hug your daughter, talk her through it non-judgementally and dry her tears. She'll see in her own time what's real and what's not.
You are not overreacting-I would be furious. You are in a tough situation. You are a wonderful mom.:lComment
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Kill me please!!!
What Dilayne said....in capital letters!
Hug.....that baby girl and support her in any way you can. YOU are what she DOES have.....
Love,
Nancy"Be still and know that I am God"
Psalm 46:10Comment
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Kill me please!!!
My parents were divorced too which is why i took the high road and went out the other door and avoided the girlfriend altogether. It would have done Brit, me, nor her any good to have words. Brit and Zak are the lights in my life.Comment
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Kill me please!!!
As they should be, your a Damn Good mother! I would trust you to the nth degree with Caden.
Love You
MarComment
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Kill me please!!!
I have a big mouth and sometimes I should keep it shut. I hope this works out for you. Keep your chin up.
God Bless
BearWhat St. Frances of Assisi said of himself is true for me.
?If God can work through me He can work through anybody.?Comment
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Kill me please!!!
luv, one day this dad will regret ever missing out on his daughters life,
hope everything goes well for you. xxComment
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Kill me please!!!
Honestly, I was shocked that he sent a "stand in". It had to have been her idea as none of his other girlfriends have ever done that. I was appualed, but I literally sat in the bathroom stall praying myself to calmness and returned when I could be smiles and cheers for Brit. I had flashes of me jumping down bleachers and straggling her, but I was smiling at Brittany the whole time and she never knew what was in my evil mind...TERRIBLE I know. Honestly, I hope her Daddy is very happy, but the line was crossed....Brittany and Zak are MINE....they do not need another Mom, I am their Mom. AND the least he could have done was let us know he wasn't showing....then we wouldn't have been shocked...I think when she saw the girlfriend, she then expected him....her little face was just so sad!!!Comment
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