bad day

[jay42]

i starteed out ok... gym etc .... theni drank a 2 litre bottle of cider smoked a bit im bascially destroying myself my alcohol counscelr was right when she siad ive got something in me that needs to come out . prehaps its from childhood a deep down buried memory .. i went to a hypnothreapist but it didnt work ...
i dont know why im like this ... i know my girlfriend killed herself 13 years ago but im moving on how can i build a new realtionship if i keep thinking about her all the time
i wish i was normal ..... but what is normal? im intelligent well read not ugly . ah
whats the point

[Lorelei]

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Hugs to you from the other side of the Atlantic! Don't know what to say to help you feel better, other than keep trying and we're all here for you!

:huggy

[Guest]

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Jay, Keep trying dear. You know we all love you here!!
Mary

[southernbelle47]

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Dear Jay,

We all have "splinters" and it does hurt to dig them out. I've found it is the only way to bring about healing. The "ouch" in the beginning is worth the relief in the end.

:h Nancy
The Splinter
When talking to people about panic attacks and root issues, I find myself using a common analogy: a splinter in your finger.
There are many ways we can deal with the pain of a splinter. We can numb the pain with ice. We can cover the splinter with bandages so that it won't be exposed. We can learn not to bend our finger a certain way that causes the pain.
Sometimes that splinter will fester into an infection causing more pain and more restricted movement. If nothing is done, the infection can spread, leading to even more serious problems.
Ideally, the best solution is to dig out the splinter. This brings up memories as a child when my mom would get a needle, a match and some alcohol. She would burn the end of the needle to sterilize it. Then, she'd get the alcohol ready to clean the hole she gouged in my finger. As a kid, I knew it was going to hurt.
Yes, there may be some pain in cutting out that splinter. Yes, there will even be some time required for proper healing. And yes, there may even be a scar. But, ultimately, the splinter will be gone. You will be able to move again without any pain, without any fear.
For most sufferers, panic disorder has a splinter. Root issues deep in our soul can trigger fear and panic. I believe one of my root issues was an inability to trust God, leading to a fear of death. For years, I anesthetized my pain by drinking. I covered the pain with the bandages of perfectionism. My splinter was buried deep in my soul, yet it continued to cause problems in my daily life and the lives of those close to me.
"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Hebrews 12:15).
Today, I encourage you to seek God for clarity about any splinters in your life. Trust him even when he burns the needle and grabs the alcohol. The pain of removing the splinter will be your first step towards healing. True freedom is within reach for everyone. God is ready to start work.
Prayer: Father, the roots of my anxiety run deep. I have tried to deal with the pain in my own ways, but nothing has helped. I ask you to remove any "splinters" from my life, understanding that it may be a long and painful process. I trust you to bring healing where the "splinters" once pierced my heart.
__________________

[Bella]

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How many times have i said, 'i wish i was normal' !!! What is normal eh? But you want to be happy. Maybe you can have more counselling to find out what needs to come out. i had counselling for issues that have stayed inside me for years and years, i knew something was wrong but didnt know what. talking to someone who is trained really helped me and everything makes sense now. i now know why i am- if that makes any sense. you are just a bit lost at the moment, you'll find your way. Bella xxx

[Sunny AZ]

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Hi Jay, I'm very new here and have had success only moderating not going AF...so feel a bit puny even trying to offer anything other than support and 'hang ons'.

But I can offer I have wounds I seem to continually pick which then bleed and I cry and rationalize that I need a drink...It makes me insane that I feel the need to wallow in this victimhood.

That being said, I have found the MWO CD's especially effective. the one that addresss past wounding (the Clearing one), and one addresses drinking are working for me, and I've used them only a few nights. This from someone who poo poo'd this stuff big time. I was ready to try anything though. I know you said you tried hypnotheripy, so this all may be for naught, but it's my little two cents.

Hand in there...I've found this site very mind expanding as well.

stay strong,

sunny

[jay42]

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thanks for all the replies im on a bender right now speak in a few days
hi roberta betty slimeybear popeye

[Guest]

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Sorry Jay, hope you are better soon!!!!

[jay42]

bad day

do u think god hepled me when my girlfriend commited suicde
no
did he help 6 million jews in the holcaust no
does he help every animal that is tortured and killed everyday
no
the fact is he does NOTHING
so fuck him

[jay42]

bad day

ive just been wandering around in the dark i got about 5 pounds to live on til weds at least i got food here . tho im scared of withdrwals
ok i m a szctizo i nkow that..... im in trouble anyway i dont want to post it here
thanks for the support
hugs to all
no im notself pitying u can slag me off etc im just wrting how i feel

[irishlady]

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Jay, do you feel the guilt of your girlfriends suicide, is it because you could do nothing to stop her... What ever your demon is, its buried very deep, and you do need to seek help to get rid of it.. Have a go at seeing your doctor and get him to refer you for counselling, I really think this may help to start you on the path of recovery, because at the moment you seem to be on the path of self destruction and you have too much to offer to waste it like this..

Take care of yourself,
Love from Louise xxx

[morrison]

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Hello jay. Sounds like you are in a rough place right now. As far as withdrawals are concerned, its probably best to start tapering off. If you just stop after a heavy binge, it can really be dangerous. Maybe you should start drinking some water now, and eating something, taking vitamins etc. One of the mistakes I make when I binge is I don't eat or drink anything else, and I swear it makes the withdrawals worse cause your body is so starving for nourishment. Just try to take better care of yourself so you don't have to face to bad of withdrawals. And please keep posting if you feel it helps at all. We know your not pitying yourself. Maybe get some rest as well if you can. Take care.

[Accountable for Me]

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Hi Jay. I completely agree with both Irish and Morrison. Is there any way you can see a doctor to get referred to a counselor? Something as tragic as a suicide of a loved one can be too much for someone to digest without the help of a professional. Just know it isn't your fault. I know someone who committed suicide who was very dear to me, although not intimately and it was really hard to understand why it happened. It may really help to have someone help you through this.

I binge drank for years. Coming off the alcohol without tapering down can be very dangerous without some sort of assistance with meds for some people. If you are going this alone, please eat and drink lots of water. Like Morrison said, for many of us binger's we don't eat or drink any fluids that hydrate us. Gatorade or a power drink will help you feel better faster as it replaces the electrolytes in your body. However drink lots of water and try to at least eat some toast. Please take care of yourself. And you are not pitying yourself. We understand what you are going through in regards to the alcohol.

[I Like Brandy]

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Jay;

You're not alone, you have a huge family and friends that care about your life, just keep posting...

Hang in there!
Brandy

[Pisces]

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Hi Jay,

I've been on a few benders of late, trying to be good, but like you, I have a problem.

Just for the record, God didn't kill the Jews, torture any animals or make you girlfriend commit suicide, and he doesn't make us drink.

He did give me beautiful beaches to walk on when I'm feeling down, and the wonderful people on this site who understand and share my problem.

And he puts up with us being mad at him for the things people do.

I hope you start feeling better soon Jay, and know your not alone, I feel your pain, and share it too.

Love Jasmin