CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

[angellina]

hi,

Does anyone have experience of drinking in moderation and maintaining it after abstaining for say 30 days?
I am trying for 30 days AF - day 12 now, but I am scared I will go back to drinking till I drop again.

Anyone help me?? Any advice out there?

Thanks Angellina :thanks:

[gabby]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

I'm a chicken to even try. : )

[Guest]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

Angellina, I wish i could help I went straight to moderation. It has worked extremly well for me. everyone is different. I sure better advice than mine is to come.
Smiles
Mar,

[dilayne]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

No such luck for me..I've tried and failed several times..really thinking I could do it..and heck, I may try it again one day, I can be stubborn. I think it's an individual and personal thing. You may need to trust your fear, sometimes it is trying to warn us...sometimes you have to learn the hard way, like me. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Mackeral]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

I tried it recently..I could'nt do it..I did at first but once a month went to once a fortnight...To once a week, to every other day..

I stopped again completly nearly 2 weeks ago...Last night was the worst..My wife said she was going to stay at her mothers..

If i could give you one piece of advice...Its don't do it...It's too hard..Proberly not what you wanted to hear...I'm sorry..

[Niblet]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

I've been advised by a person that went through what you and I are both going through and this smart person advised that 30 days AF really wasn't long enough... We don't want to see that black hole that is so darn hard to get back out of... For you to be scared that you will "drink til you drop again" tells me and should you as well that 30 days may not be long enough for you.... Maybe we are the types that will never be able to moderate... When and only when I do try a single drink, I will stop, think how do I feel? Do I feel that damn monkey climbing onto my back? If so then that's it,,, I won't drink... You may have to become more intune with your thoughts vs actions til you fine tune your very own special program. Cause you are a special individual. And you are SO worth this effort.. Best of Luck in any choice you end up making.
~Niblet~

[weemelonhead]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

Hi Ange....there are many succesful moderators on the boards...why not try and mail some of them privately if they miss your post here.
Tawneyfrog is one that springs to mind immediately, but go to the long term mods boards and see what the guys there have to say...I cannot moderate, and so can't offer any help personally, but many, including the wondrouslyfantasticalmajesty RJ, moderate and will be able to offer advice...

Have a chat with peeps, and then see if anything strikes a chord with you. This is all about finding what is right for you and the approach that suits your life..

It may take a while to get your personal programme right, but with perseverance...you'll find the one that fits as Determinator says...
Good going
Weemelon:h

[angellina]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

THANX everyone, y'all give good advice, I will read and re-read the advice. Believe me - it has helped me.
You are all great.
Thanx once again. :thanks:
Angellina

[Waves 2]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

Hi Angellina,

I was like you in October. I was building up to the 30 days. After it I managed two months of moderation: No more than 3 drinks per night on no more than 3 nights per week. Then I went to a huge party, someone else was pouring into my glass and I lost it. After that it was just as hard as previously to not drink and I am seriously thinking about doing another 30 days now.

When I was moderating successfully I found it easier to not have the third glass. The third glass makes it much more difficult to say no to the 4th. Stopping at 2 is easier.

Mkr Mary has a brilliant strategy. She looks on herself as AF with the odd drink when she feels like it. Look at her drink tracker-it is awesome. Tawny has a different strategy which works great for her. I have yet to find one that works longterm for me.

Changeling gave me this advice when I asked this question of her.

" Once you know that putting your hand in the fire hurts you - would you decide to put it in the fire three times a week?"

Last month I put mine in the fire 24 times and now I feel on fire again!

Good luck with your decision. I always wonder how long I would have managed without the interference of the person who felt they were being helpful by topping up my glass without telling me.

Congrats on your 12 days.

Love Waves

[Accountable for Me]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

Hi Angellina,

I think moderation works for some people. There are many people on the boards who have found a way to moderate successfully. 30 days seems like the minimum of time to go AF before trying but I think the longer you go the better you may do? Just take it one day at a time.

When your 30 days hit and you feel the sense of accomplishment, then decide whether you want to try the mods, or hit another goal of AF. I did this in the beginning and other than two glasses of wine in April, I have over 4 months of AF. I wanted to end up a moderation drinker but I found with each AF milestone and overall better health I just kept on going. You will know what works for you when the time comes. Try not to stress about it now and take care of yourself.

[Guest]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

I tried moderation and failed miserably. I couldn't do it, BUT I am kinda an all or nothing kinda girl. I am that way in every aspect of my life. So, I really don't see myself ever being able to moderate...just somehting I have to accept and learn to live without. Alcohol I can live without!

[Determinator]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

darn good question, and darn fine answers. this brings up a dilema that is looming in front of me as well. After my detox visit to the clinic and subsequent followup with my new GP (who happens to be an addictions specialist as well) I asked him straight out what his suggestion was on my drinking and he said "go 90 days AF and then make your decisions". oh great. now part of me feels left out in the cold unable to decide what I can/can't do. Unchartered territory. I was really suprised he said what he did. I expected the "out of the book" AMA pull-string response that problem drinkers "can't ever drink anything ever again" case closed. anyway...guess many of us feel we are still very much searching and perhaps a little disoriented in how we feel on the issue of AF vs MODs. All I know is that I feel really great today at day 60AF and my wife is super happy too. I really don't have much complaining to do...just contemplating. Sorry for the ramble.

[Rowland]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

Hi Angellina,
Well done on the 12 days AF. I think those early days are the worst. I find after about 15 days the craving begins to ease a little, take some suppliments to help if you will. I in much the same boat as yourself, I have been AF since march 20th until Sat night past when we had visitors for dinner. We shared 2 bottles of wine between 3 of us (other was on white). I couldn't say I really enjoyed it - the aroma was better than the taste? I was ok yesterday, today I would like to have a few, danger again..... MY target is to stay AF until a very special occasion, I dont know if I can do it. I would much prefer never to drink again but I'm not sure I can do it, its dangerous to put the hand in the fire.
The very best of luck with whatever you decide,
Rowland.

[Roberta Jewell]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

Thoughts on this

I know this response is long but I'd like to chime in, as it addresses one of the most pressing questions that comes up around here: whether or not moderated drinking works. I?m asked about this repeatedly in emails, interviews and private conversations. Sometimes I can practically hear the desperation in peoples? voices when they ask it and I suspect it?s because they are desperate for the answer to be yes.

I was desperate for the answer to be yes, too--for me and for everyone else who ended up adopting this program. But it isn?t necessarily yes, as is evident by the deeply personal and honest posts found all throughout this forum. I am grateful I was able to safely shift from excessive to controlled drinking and I can?t even describe the difference in my life after embracing the changes that we now recommend to others as part of the MWO program.

Like many here, I enjoy that glass of wine at the end of the day or with dinner and I do so without apology. I can?t say with absolute conviction I will maintain this lifestyle forever. I?m no different than anyone else. How can I really trust that I have complete control over a drug as powerful as alcohol? It would be foolish to think so. I?ve done enough research and had enough personal experience with this to know that any number of things--hormonal changes due to menopause, family trauma, a stress induced trigger, a decision to quit taking the meds, etc.--may provide the basis for a setback. I?m just being honest here.

And moderation, as I stated in my book, is not safe or appropriate for every drinker. For many drinkers, in fact. Late stage alcoholics, as an example, should head straight for a plan of abstinence; research is very clear about this. Those with a strong genetic history of alcoholism should also be careful when weighing the pros and cons of controlled drinking. It?s become more obvious to me that individuals who are not willing to commit to multiple facets of a program like this--one that includes exercise, relaxation/meditation/hypnotherapy; dietary supplementation; good nutrition, involvement in a support group, etc.--may also have a tough time of it. I?ve come to increasingly appreciate and respect the important role of spirituality in recovery, as well.

Don?t get me wrong, I?ve seen moderation in action and I?ve seen it work. I've lived it. I?m humbled by the emails, PMs and posts from people who express their joy in having gained control over their drinking without having to give it up completely. Those who are successful often tell me they started with a period of abstinence and follow the guidelines regarding not drinking every day and/or limiting their alcohol intake to recommendations such as those provided by Moderation Management. They are also included in my book.

Many people, as you?ve read here on the board, ultimately feel it makes much more sense to simply eliminate alcohol from their lives completely. It becomes a struggle to try and moderate and it's just not worth it. They are equally ecstatic to finally break the bonds of their addiction. pan>

Regardless of the path, what I find most exciting, I suppose, is that people who wouldn?t otherwise do so, finally seek help. After many years of suffering this most private, painful addiction, they get started on a program that suits their lifestyle, is grounded in science and provides unparalleled support.

But back to your question. Does moderation work? I believe it can for a subset of alcoholics, but only if they are committed to closely following a regimen that incorporates many elements of a program such as ours. Is moderation a good thing? I think so, but only for those for whom it is appropriate. You?ll figure this out if you?re honest with yourself. You will ultimately decide whether or not it?s right for you...whether or not you can control your drinking or you need to quit completely. In my heart, I really believe this program is one of the best ways to get you there.

And what about those who simply won?t quit? Dr. Bankole Johnson, PhD, who conducted the early topiramate trials has stated, "Even though abstinence is the 'gold standard' of alcoholism treatment and was the goal of this study, a harm-reduction strategy based on reducing heavy drinking may be a worthwhile treatment goal, especially if the patient will not or cannot become abstinent."

I have enormous respect for Dr. Johnson. I think many lives have been saved by his research and that of other addiction specialists. It's provided a foundation to help patients find effective new treatments in tackling this serious and progressive condition.

I hope this helps.

A continued thanks, also, to all who share their experiences here.

RJ

[southernbelle47]

CAN YOU DRINK IN MODERATION AFTER ABSTENTION??

RJ,
Thanks for your input.
Now that your book has been around awhile, I think it really helps to have a update!
I have learned alot about myself in the past year since I first read it and continue to realize that it is a process and none of us will ever arrive at the place where we won't have to be aware of the fact that we could once again have a problem. We would all love to not have to be aware and "think" about drinking.
I still use many parts of this wonderful program but have ,a so many others,tailored it to what I know will work for me. I'll probably have the headphones in the nursing home at 90yearsold listening to James tell me to "let it all go"!!:H
So ...no "cure" yet...at least not on this side! Still working on it here!
Love you.
Take care.
:l Nancy