At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

[Change]

Idk, i feel like everyone else is connected, that they all have someone or people to go home to, and i don't. I truly feel like an outsider in life, like i am standing on the outside looking in. I feel like that stage you go through when you're 15 and you feel like your real life hasn't begun yet and you're waiting for a big bang and for it all to take off. It's kind of a freaky feeling, laden with a little fear and apprehension. I basically have nobody. I just don't feel connected to anybody right now and the very few friends i do have, have managed to let me down lately, and i just don't feel that they are reliable and solid (and, yes, i do feel that i've been making effort lately).

I think i've screwed up my life cos i didn't prepare for old age by staying with the right partner or having a family of my own. Now, it's too late. For the kids part that is, i'm In my mid forties. As i grow older, i can see everybody around me dropping off and my almost greatest fear is that i'll be left here, on this earth, with NO ONE!

I don't think alc's got anything to do with this, if anything i was using it to mask massive underlying feelings of inadequacy and sadness.

Just wondering if anybody else has felt nearly destitute? I can barely see a way out of this. Not a pity party, just a dread-party.

[Guitarista]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

Hi Change,

I have felt the same way, and sometimes still do. But i know it is up to me to get out there and make connections. Simple as that. It's a bit of effort, but it's what i have to do now. I was an isolating drinker for the last few years, and have lost my mojo a little, and have lost connection. I have a few great friends luckily who i still see, but i need to put myself out there on the 'world stage' a hell of a lot more, and more consistently if i want to find a partner, and if i want my life to be richer. It is tempting for me, and would be very easy to isolate and return to the hermit life, but that could lead me back to some negative, self pity thinking, and a fast return to drinking myself quietly to death.

Life is outside that window, outside the front door, and for me, i must take daily action getting out and about and mixing it, until that daily action becomes comfortable. Just my perspective and 2 bobs worth. P.S. For me booze has played a big part in my isolation and single status.

All the best friend. Chin up and just do your best.

[spuddleduck]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

change i feel for you.Im late 40's and i think its an age where we kind of start assessing our lives.. i suppose its called mid life crisis. you may be looking at.people now with their 'perfect' connected lives but things change. people lose partners, children move away, friends drift in and out. there are no guarantees in anyone's life. your future can be as rich as anyone's. i struggle a bit with these thoughts myself but in brighter moments it can be viewed differently

[Rusty]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

Change,:l

I'm a single 52-year-old woman who has never been married and never had kids. I also have not dated in 6 years. I went through a crisis just like you did, after I broke up with my partner of 5 years. I drank myself silly out of loneliness, mainly, and because I felt overwhelmed with my career and my mom's cancer. I was terrified of being abandoned, too. The way I got through this was to volunteer what little time I had to an organization that teaches practical living skills to adults who are dually afflicted with deafness and blindness. I act as a guide once a month at their social gathering. Talk about people who are isolated!!! Could you stand to be deaf AND blind? I come away from these gatherings nearly in tears, but it makes me so grateful for the life I have. Volunteering helps you take the negative focus away from your own life, and you will probably make new friends in doing so. I know I have..

I need to put myself out there on the 'world stage' a hell of a lot more, and more consistently if i want to find a partner, and if i want my life to be richer. It is tempting for me, and would be very easy to isolate and return to the hermit life, but that could lead me back to some negative, self pity thinking, and a fast return to drinking myself quietly to death.

Guitarista is spot on with his words. He's a smart man (and good-looking, too).

I know your situation feels hopeless, Change. PM if you want/need to.

Hiya, G!!!:h:h

[patrice]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

Change, I so understand, really I do. It doesn't have to be this way though and things do change with time
This time of the year is so difficult because we are bombarded with images of fun, laughter, lovers and family.. it's not all true though
I am also on my own, many of us are. But ditto to G man and Rusty.. it will be ok and as the saying goes everything is as it should be.. for now
Take care and like Rusty.. PM if you want to
Love to you
Patrice x

[Sunbeam]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

I agree with Rusty: consider doing some volunteer work. There are so many needs out there. You will feel more valued.

[spuddleduck]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

patrice;1595940 wrote: Change, I so understand, really I do. It doesn't have to be this way though and things do change with time
This time of the year is so difficult because we are bombarded with images of fun, laughter, lovers and family.. it's not all true though
I am also on my own, many of us are. But ditto to G man and Rusty.. it will be ok and as the saying goes everything is as it should be.. for now
Take care and like Rusty.. PM if you want to
Love to you
Patrice x

yes, i have had some of my most awful and lonely Christmas with family/partners. company doesn't always equate to happiness

[patrice]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

So true Spud.. this time of the year is SO trying
How are you? hope you are good
Take care
Pat

[Rusty]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

Change, how are you doing? We care about you.

Spuds and Patrice are right. The suicide rate in the US is the highest between Christmas and New Year's because there is so much hype about what a joyful, family time it's supposed to be, but LOTS of people I know have little or no family, or a family nobody would want. My closest friend says she could skip the holidays altogether. They just make her sad.

If you're feeling badly, Change, would a really good workout help? It will boost your endorphins if you can let off some steam. That usually helps me when I'm blue. Stay close and let us know how you're getting on.:l

[mama bear]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

Beautiful comments everyone. Good to see you Rusty!
Hugs to you Change...sorry I can't be more help...

[j-vo]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

Change,
Self-reflection is always important. But everyone's life is different. We tend to think that one's life should include this, that, and the other thing. And if it doesn't, then we feel as though we are inadequate. Don't measure yourself against others. You are a whole person. Many of my friends are single with no children. One actually just lost her husband who was 44 years old to cancer. The perfect family doesn't exist, nor does the perfect life. When I had several miscarriages, I worried about having the only child. I didn't concentrate on this one child being the most important thing in my life (well I do and have for a long time) I worried about him having siblings so we could be a perfect family. Do more reflection on gratitude. I just listened to a really good interview that treetops posted, and she said that she was always "searching for happiness" but now concentrates on grace and gratitude. Hugs to you Change.

[Suesue]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

I can relate to a lot of this. Alcohol definitely did come in the way of my relationships and is prob why I'm still single at age 39. Big bday is less than two weeks away eek. Now I'm not drinking I do feel a bit left out esp at this time of year. Everyone is out partying. It can feel lonely. Anyway yiu are not alone there's a lot of people out there who feel the same. Guess we gotta push ourselves to be more sociable and make new friendships and relationships. I'm disappointed with some of my so called friends who don't seem too bothered with me now I don't drink.

[allswell]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

Hi Change,

49, single, never married, no kids. I know all of the emotions you're going through. I also know people who are married and miserable, parents with kids that have serious problems and are at a serious loss as to what to do about it, and a lot of other things. I know my life is not like theirs and I don't compare it to theirs anymore. I look at the positives, I have complete control of my life and my future, I can see who I want, go where I want, and make decisions right for me without having to check with someone else. I know I might sound selfish but I like where I'm at. I also hear comments from a lot of married people that wish they had a life like mine.

The best I can offer is take what you have and make the most of it. Don't ever waste time thinking you need more, you need to be happy with you before good things will ever happen.

[scottish lass]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

Oh Change - so sorry, I think that all of us have different versions of what we think life should be like, and probably a fair few worry that we don't have it.
I am lucky with two girls, but they are teenagers now and will hopefuly be heading to college soon. I am in the process of divorcing, I left my home 6,000 miles away to get married and that did not work out after 18 years, so here without my relatives around. My really good friends are still at "home" too - Thanksgiving it was the three of us sitting round a big turkey (I have only just got the rest of the left-overs cooked up and in the freezer) and Christmas will be the same.
I too worry that I will find myself an old lonely cat lady (and I don't like cats!!!) in my old age!
May be we could have a MWO retirement home?
Change - I am thinking a lot about this - I am still working full time, and will be for a few more years (in 50's and have to get a lot more in retirement before I can afford to retire), but I am seriously thinking of what changes that I can make to have a different end to what I see in front of me if I don't change. I do think that we have lots of time to change our courses Change - lets do this!!

[patrice]

At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

A lovely post SL.. we do worry about the same things. I will probably be working till I drop!! But we can change our course and find fulfillment no matter what our situation.. that much I know.
The collective strength here is fantastic and we can all learn from each other.
Change..?? yes it can and will my dear!!
Hope you are feeling better today
xx