FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

[skullbabyland]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

I totally have the same thoughts, on a constant and almost daily basis... I especially related to your comment- alcoholic was never "supposed" to apply to me... but it did/does. Life has been easier since I accepted, even embraced that fact.

[spiritwolf333]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY

One year ago -today, I officially joined My Way Out.

This time, one year ago, I was a completely demoralized and damned near helpless human being. The only thing that I thought that could help me was alcohol. I was only functioning in hopes to finding "some kind of way out" of the hell that I was in. I privately (and sometimes openly) begged for a solution. I vividly remember asking myself "how in the hell did I get to this point of destruction?".

What happened to get me out of this alcohol "hell"?

I kept researching. At least, for the hours that I remained somewhat "sober", I would chase the internet. I kept telling myself that there had to be a scientific solution to what I was experiencing. After all, I would tell myself, what human being would CHOOSE to live in the pain that I was living as a result of alcohol? Who would choose to live in this form of pain -period?

From all of this, I found my solution in Baclofen. For the most part, I found the Baclofen solution here on My Way Out.

As of today, Firewater remains in My Rear View Mirror, but it remains a center piece in my life. Maybe enough time has just not lapsed, but the FireWater free days since this time last year remain firmly planted in my mind and stay with me daily. These days are not taken for granted and the freedom from Firewater will always help me remain grateful -or at least I hope so.

For anyone who reads this, thank you. Regardless of all other things in this world, my one hope for any and all potential or actual alcoholics is this; that you one day find the freedom from the chains of alcohol as I have finally done. (And my hound dog Flash hopes we all can stay sober as well -per Flash)


Peace to ALL

[free at last]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

Dear Spiritwolf, what a wonderful, inspiring story. Congrats on such an achievement.

[spiritwolf333]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

free at last;1645383 wrote: Dear Spiritwolf, what a wonderful, inspiring story. Congrats on such an achievement.

Hi Free -Thank you.

Sobriety is a gift beyond words. My Way Out has been an awesome support tool. In fact, I have been told that maybe I spend too much time on MWO. Well, this might be true -but for me, it has been one of several great replacements while not drinking. Just a thought.

[bkyogagurl]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

Spirit- your cool.

[skullbabyland]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

SO happy for you Spirit- You are a very different person than the one in pain and despair from a year ago. Stay the course my friend, there's a lot of life left to live, so might as well live it well.

[spiritwolf333]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

My Memory Fails Me

Why does my memory fail me?

When I speak of my memory, I am specifically speaking of my memories of the brutal hell brought to me by Firewater (alcohol). Why do I sometimes think and recall the great times -relaxing times- that alcohol once brought to me. I can almost feel, without drinking, that comfort and change of mind that alcohol use to deliver. I have a very difficult time remembering or even feeling the total misery that I felt after having consumed.

Even at six months or year sober while under medication and support, the thoughts of drinking and its comfort pop in. WTH. I guess I need to just accept the fact that alcohol has somehow rewired my brain and I need to understand (vs. feel) the fact that allowing the poison into my system only offers a short term solution to a long term problem.

[NoSugar]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

Hi, Spiritwolf

These articles are about human relationships but the are relevant to our former one with AL:

Why you Only Remember the Good Stuff of a Relationship ? Part I |

"Time's Up!": Why You Only Remember The Good Stuff of a Bad Relationship--Part II

It isn't surprising we can't think our way out of it, is it? These articles also make it clear to me why we have to stay actively engaged in our sobriety.

We're doing it, Spiritwolf. That is something to be truly grateful for.

[little beagle]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

You have helped me so much. Inspired me, comforted me, brought laughter and happiness into my life at bleak times. When I feel down I think of you and your journey, of Flash and I get a smile and a lifting of spirits. You are my Spirit Wolf. Thank you so much. This is one thing I simply cannot do alone.
I too get a nostalgic feeling regarding drinking. But I CAN remember the heartache alcohol brought me. I deliberately hold onto those memories as a reminder of where I will be should I decide to drink again.

[skullbabyland]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

I too get a nostalgic memories of alcohol. I think it's because, for a few hours, drinking feels fuckin' GREAT. Our brain, wanting all that dopamine, all that sugar/fuel, would of course push us to repeat the process.

That rose-colored-memory, or mental craving as I call it, doesnt' care or isn't concerned with the days of hell that inevitably follow.

Yep, it's a weird, frustrating, confounding conundrum, but I think I'm sorta beginning to understand it. Annoying when it happens though... Just try to remember that re-framing thoughts and memories is a CHOICE you can make. Though the selective memory rose-colored mental thoughts seem to be out of our control, it's up to you, or each of us, to re-frame these things just as you can reframe your emotional state.

It also kinda helps me to think of myself in that Eckhart Tolle kind of way, that I am not my emotions, and I am not my thoughts, just like I am not my arm. Our emotions and our thoughts are parts of us we use and engage in, but not the sum of our being. Thus, we can control our thoughts and our emotions just like we can control our arm. Well, maybe not quite so easily but you get my point.

[spiritwolf333]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

NoSugar;1658671 wrote: Hi, Spiritwolf

These articles are about human relationships but the are relevant to our former one with AL:

Why you Only Remember the Good Stuff of a Relationship ? Part I |

"Time's Up!": Why You Only Remember The Good Stuff of a Bad Relationship--Part II

It isn't surprising we can't think our way out of it, is it? These articles also make it clear to me why we have to stay actively engaged in our sobriety.

We're doing it, Spiritwolf. That is something to be truly grateful for.

-Great info NS.

I read the articles and they really do make a lot of sense. Our brains store positive and negative memories differently. All the good -positive memories related to something are clumped together for one great recall. The negative memories related to something are broken down into fragments and stored as fragments -not connected.

Writing down and connecting all the negatives and comparing to the positive will probably be of great benefit. And as the article states, there is no dopamine rush when combining all the negatives.

[spiritwolf333]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

little beagle;1658694 wrote: You have helped me so much. Inspired me, comforted me, brought laughter and happiness into my life at bleak times. When I feel down I think of you and your journey, of Flash and I get a smile and a lifting of spirits. You are my Spirit Wolf. Thank you so much. This is one thing I simply cannot do alone.
I too get a nostalgic feeling regarding drinking. But I CAN remember the heartache alcohol brought me. I deliberately hold onto those memories as a reminder of where I will be should I decide to drink again.

Hi LB. Thank you for your kind and sincere words (its a two way street). And I have ordered sunglasses for Flash.

[spiritwolf333]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

skullbabyland;1658858 wrote: I too get a nostalgic memories of alcohol. I think it's because, for a few hours, drinking feels fuckin' GREAT. Our brain, wanting all that dopamine, all that sugar/fuel, would of course push us to repeat the process.

That rose-colored-memory, or mental craving as I call it, doesnt' care or isn't concerned with the days of hell that inevitably follow.

Yep, it's a weird, frustrating, confounding conundrum, but I think I'm sorta beginning to understand it. Annoying when it happens though... Just try to remember that re-framing thoughts and memories is a CHOICE you can make. Though the selective memory rose-colored mental thoughts seem to be out of our control, it's up to you, or each of us, to re-frame these things just as you can reframe your emotional state.

It also kinda helps me to think of myself in that Eckhart Tolle kind of way, that I am not my emotions, and I am not my thoughts, just like I am not my arm. Our emotions and our thoughts are parts of us we use and engage in, but not the sum of our being. Thus, we can control our thoughts and our emotions just like we can control our arm. Well, maybe not quite so easily but you get my point.

PERFECT Skull Quote: "Yep, it's a weird, frustrating, confounding conundrum".

and no 2 PERFECT Skull Quote:
"I think it's because, for a few hours, drinking feels fuckin' GREAT. Our brain, wanting all that dopamine, all that sugar/fuel, would of course push us to repeat the process."

I guess I will always remain amazed at the power the dopamine system has over me. I just wonder if most others have the same level of need to increase dopamine as I do, and if yes they do, are they just better able choose not to seek the increase?

thanks skull

[little beagle]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

Spiritwolf that is a really good question. One I have been wondering about a lot lately.

[skullbabyland]

FIREWATER -N- MY Rearview Mirror -A Journal

I suspect many or most people do have similar urges for dopamine bursts- but maybe the difference between the normies and us is that they don't take it to crazy addictiontown. But plenty do- sex, love/approval, shopping, gambling, drugs, gaming, online entertainment, sugar, food disorders, etc.

But even the normies indulge in dopamine seeking behavior, for sure. People get it with delicious food, etc. There's all manner of indulgences that people partake in-- including those listed above-- and many more. Even just enjoying things on a normal level has a dopamine component.

I've often wished that I didn't crave the dopamine thing in my brain in the unbalanced way that I do, but whatever, I'm not a normie when it comes to booze and I've pretty much accepted it.