Bittersweet

[little beagle]

As many of you know, we have had my husband's daughter and her boyfriend come to
Live with us.
Well things are not going well for her. She is using heroin and selling herself to get it. Yes. This is something she has confessed to.
I am so upset. I do not know how to help her.
Do I insist she leave and be the bad guy? Do I leave my home because of her problem? Quite frankly I can't live like this.
Anxiety levels are soaring back to levels they were at before quit date!
This is especially distressing for boyfriend because he is really trying to turn his life around.
And I am angry with her lies and total disruption of the household. I feel sorry for myself, and all other members of our little family. Including her, of course. I know feeling sorry is bad news for us alkies. And not productive.
Both dogs have gotten into something in that room and had major seizures. Not sure if it was drugs or what she was spraying to cover smell of smoking that crap.
This is way beyond me.
Any advice from others who have been there?

[hadit]

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LB so sorry to hear of your problems with kids. You know and we all do al will NOT help;it will make it just so much more miserable. I have a grandson into drugs and we have been trying to help him and my daughter. Its been a nightmare this year trying to get him clean in rehab. There is one thing I am sure of these kids hooked on drugs will only get off it when they ask for help and admit they have a problem. At the end of the day LB you have to care for your self. Is hubby doing anything to help his daughter? In this country there are lots of support available; but you have to want it and that will only happen when the drug addict hits rock bottom. Just like us alkies. Hang onto you sobriety with all your might. thinking of you. Can you get her to a doctor or to rehab?:l:l

[hadit]

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LB Can you get some professional help for yourself on how to handle the situation ? In Aus we have hotlines we can ring and there will be someone there to help.

[little beagle]

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Thank you. Yes she has to want the help first. Hubby is lost on how to handle this. Crisis counseling is a good idea.

[hadit]

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LB It is sooo difficult. We have had a monster roller coaster ride with our GS. Something else I have learnt though is druggies lie. My gs will tell me anything. He lies and cheats. Its all part of the condition. We have tried everything. It has caused my daughter to become ill herself to the point she had to say well 'there is nothing else I can do until he wants to help himself". I met a mum of a drug addict one night whilst we were visiting our gs in hospital. She to had tried everything for her 30 yo son. She said you just have to walk away until they cry out for help! She was probably right. But LB you need to take care of YOU. AL will not do anything, it will just make it worse. Sorry to ramble and preach to you. Please take care.:l

[hadit]

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LB Do you have crisis people u can talk to that will help and advise YOU what to do?

[j-vo]

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Little Beagle,
This is such a tough one. I know when I watch the addiction shows such as Intervention, they make a point to hold the intervention with the intent that if they don't take the option of going to rehab, then the family will not be in contact with them. I know it's a family problem, but when it becomes this troublesome, it's time to do something that forces a change. I hope you and your husband can make some decisions. Thoughts coming your way.

[Pavati]

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Hi, LB:

My sister married a recovering cocaine addict who subsequently became addicted to pain pills (she helped him detox three times before they finally separated). She has found GREAT support from al anon. I also read a book by Kristina Wandzilak called The Lost Years about her alcohol and addiction that she co-wrote with her mom. I heard them speak together, and she absolutely credits her sobriety with her mom's active participation in al anon. More specifically, she escaped a rehab place and showed up at her mom's door and her mom wouldn't let her in - she said she wouldn't have a relationship with her unless she was sober. It wasn't straight from there to rehab, but it helped expedite the process.

I also watched a YouTube thing on alcoholism last night http://youtu.be/uQu7yzV_9N4[/video]]Utterly Addicted to Alcohol. You can see how the grandpa's well-intentioned support may end up hurting the addict.

All of this being said, I realize that unless I am in your same situation I have no idea what I am talking about. I do not envy the choices and decisions you have to make, all the while working on your own sobriety.

I hope you find a way to get through this with your family - I am sending you support through the ether.

[Guitarista]

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Hi LB,

I remember you talking about this situation before. In my experience, things will keep on being chaotic and unhealthy for you, your hubs daughter and everyone and will likely get worse before things get better. This is just my experience. My ex girlfriend was a heroin addict and died of an overdose a few years ago now, but there wasn't a lot i could do but offer my emotional support. I had to ask her to leave my house in the end as things were starting to go missing (sold for drugs), and there were some deperate characters in the picture. I loved her, but my guitars, dog, and security had to come first. Fortunately she could stay with her parents, so that's where she went. I had to be very firm. It was a very hard call to make, but the chaos had to stop and i had to nip it in the bud before the destruction got worse.

She asked me to help her, and i said yes i would emotionally and would always be here for her, BUT, she had to do the work to get herself straight if we were going to stay together. She did straighten up for lengths of time, and she would stay over at my house once a fortnight, but 18 months later she died.

My point here i suppose is that maybe i could've done more to help her, but i also know that it has to be her decision and her action. She did have regular support via Narcotics Anonymous meetings, so she wasn't alone. In her case, she had abstained for awhile, lost her usual tolerance, and succumbed to a stronger purer batch of heroin. Sorry to waffle. This isn't about my story. I could point my friend in the direction of professional help and support services, and she had access to those. In the end it was her choice and she was unlucky.

I think in this situation LBeagle, as difficult as it may sound, you guy's have to have the conversation and get some sort of movement/action and commitment from your hubs' daughter. Put all your cards on the table in a family meeting, and draw up a plan that includes everyone, including her.

Look after you as best you can friend. Try to get some time out for you if you can. There will be some support services available i'm sure that can help you share the load. Careful not to take it all onboard yourself.

All the best and keep us posted. G bloke.

[available]

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LB i read your post at first and thought no I wont say anything as it is so damn hard, we can only do what we as individuals think will work for her, for you and for the family.

My son has always had problems, got on speed and coke a few years ago, lost everything came home and got off it. I did not seek help but he has ADHD so when he decides to do something he does and he gave up. Click to 3 years later and he left home to go back to where he grew up with his friends, I knew it would end in disaster and it did, he sold Crack and became addicted for a year. He always told me he was not taking that much, selling it, having a great time then the phone calls started, the wanting to end it all, the sleeping on peoples couches. I knew basically what was happening but I could do nothing until he begged me to come home, it was either home or die. To me there was no option he had to come home but there were rules. It was horrendous his withdrawal but he is my son.

I took him to the doctors, told him my sons problem, we got some valium to help and offered support services. He was very resistant to help. I said it was either help or leave, unless he wanted to help himself and his addiction then he could leave. I went with him to the counsellor and god what an hour. He was like "this guy will know nothing, i will tell him a thing or two". I could feel the pain, the anger, the embarrassment, the thought he had let me down. It broke my heart. The counsellor was a wonder and still is.

I had to give him that chance, he knows it is his last one. If he is not prepared to help himself at 25 then there is little i can do. He has been clean 10 months now, still has problems, issues but ODAT, like us alkies. I could not turn him away but he had to want to help himself and with his addiction he did not have any idea what to do, that was up to me to set things in motion and for him to carry through.

That is is my story LB and I hope it can give you a bit of an idea but as we know it is up to the addict to want help, for me i had to set the options in place as he was not able to do that with his drug addled brain. I am very proud of my boy and lucky he did not end up like Mr G's girlfriend, for that I am grateful I made the effort.

Take care and my thoughts are with you at this terrible time but I hope it gets better.

[little beagle]

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Thank you for this wonderful support. I have been feeling very alone lately, but I see that I am not. Yes we are going to have a family meeting and the hard talk. Things will not continue the way they are here. That much has been decided by both hubby and myself.
What will happen? Well that pretty much is up to her.
It helps to know that others have gone through tough situations like this and even worse and have survived.
Thank you my friends.