It could be my 40th, 50th or any damn number. Who really cares about me? I've always been the one to plan surprises for other people and try to make them happy, but no one is there for me. Who even gives a @#%$ that I've lived another year and tried my best to give all that's in me to others? Can I just go live on some mountain in Montana? Em
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O.K. - So I'm sitting here crying. I think that this is one of the reasons that I drink. I feel deep down that no one is really there for me. Tomorrow is my 56th birthday.
It could be my 40th, 50th or any damn number. Who really cares about me? I've always been the one to plan surprises for other people and try to make them happy, but no one is there for me. Who even gives a @#%$ that I've lived another year and tried my best to give all that's in me to others? Can I just go live on some mountain in Montana? Em -
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Well, I'm just getting to know you, Em, but I give a crap! Why don't you let us all know more about you and why you don't think anyone gives a crap. Do you have a family? Kids? Friends? Let us know more about you. MWO is a great family.
Sorry you are feeling so blue! Happy Birthday to you! I'm 50 and I know how it feels to be getting older and feeling like no one cares very much. It depends a lot on my mood.
Hang in there!
Kathy
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Thanks Young AT Heart, for responding. That means alot to me in my present state of mind. Yes, I have two kids - a son who is in the 82nd Airborne and is at Fort Bragg. He's 27 and I just pray he doesn't get deployed to Iraq. But he doesn't seem to know that it's my birthday and that I'd like to hear from him. My daughter is in Portland Oregon and just turned 30. I've given alot to both of them but neither seems to be in a place to give back to me yet. I'm in that stuck - in between place - elderly parents and in-laws who are endlessly needy. I'm just feeling very sorry for myself as it's a birthday. I'll get past it. Just wish that once I'd get a special surprise or recognition on my special day as I always try to make my family feel special. But this will pass. Basically I'm a strong, happy person. I'm just feeling that the years are passing by and wouldn't it be wonderful to be taken care of for once. (Just a fantasy that's unrealistic). But I'll certainly try to make myself more well known. I'm VERY, VERY new - haven't even started yet. I just found MWY this week but I'm gung-ho to get started. I love what I read here and gain strength from all that all these marvelous women write. I know my life can change. Thanks, EM
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And thank you too, Lori. I've had tears streaming down my face all night. I think that I just need to reveal to others more of who I am and what I need. Is that a part of beating addiction? Bless your heart for responding to me. I guess I've never let others see how needy I am. I keep that part of myself shut off from others. I'm 56 but still acting like an
adolescent. Silly, huh? Em
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...and it's certainly okay to cry! and it's certainly okay to be new and confused and want to change...I cry, I'm new, and I want to change, and Em, I care!! So, you're throwing a pity-party! We've all done it, I think it's part of the process, the part of the change, the wanting the change the part of the saying Good-bye the way things were and it's scary because that's all we know, but things are going to be so much better!! and it's going to be so much more fun being so much better!! Girlfriend---Happy Birthday!!
sm
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Em,
You are not silly at all. My goodness.
Listen. I am 30, so I am as old as one of your children...listening with great intent! My dad, of course, is about your age (57) and I just wish he would do something about his drinking. His dad died of cirrhosis in his 60's.
For all our age differences, our geographical differences, heck, our gender differences!!!, we all have this similar issue with which we are struggling.
We are so glad you are here! Please just join in, and vent and spill whatever you need to, OK
Becca:d
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Em, Happy Birthday to you tomorrow! You have found the most beautiful place. Full of caring and loving people. You know, I understand doing for others. Well here, others care so much. We want you happy on your birthday. Put a smile on that face as you read all these warm post on your birthday. What a wonderful birthday gift you have received. With love and warm wishes. Boo
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So nice to hear the honesty Em.. We all need a good cry now and then.When drinking, I cried tears of shame, hoplessness, general despair. Now I cry tears of newfound emotions hidden deep by alcohol use. I wish you peace Em. Consider yourself adopted by the forum:h
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Happy Birthday Em,
I knew you would find other teachers here and friends too. We all are in the same boat. Just different compartments. Thanks so much for sharin with us. Thats what we want so we can have a chance to share back with you. That way we all get to enjoy our newfound friendships. Tears are cleansing. So go ahead and cry. :c Just think....if we could save our tears.....we would never have a drought problem. : ) Gabby
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Hey Em, Happy Birthday! This program is a wonderful gift to give yourself for your birthday... and believe it you ARE SPECIAL!! Since being here, I think I've almost perfected the art of laughing, crying, cussing, and praying, all within seconds of each other!:eek :P :h :happy :c :h Welcome aboard!:d ... Judie
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Happy birthday, Em....
You are quite a caretaker....please take care of you, today! Call a friend, take someone out to tea or a garden or dinner or....Don't wait for them to call.....it's hard, but take care of you!!! You deserve it!!!!
with luv, Anni
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