AF since Christmas Day 2013
I?ve struggled with alcohol addiction for what seems like a long time (I think I realised it was becoming a problem about 5 years ago and realised I had to stop about 18 months ago).
One thing that I have in my favour is that I stopped smoking over 13 years ago. I rarely think about smoking, other than to smugly congratulate myself for defeating that nasty addiction. The main reason that I know that it is 13yrs is that I stopped smoking as my first child was born ? he was the catalyst and instigator of the change. The battle with nicotine was a long drawn out one -I had tried many, many times to stop , each time to start again after a very short time. The same with alcohol ? I have tried to cut down many times and quite a few times I have tried to quit completely. My best effort was six weeks - last summer. I have what could be considered to be a stressful job. After six weeks, the first time I met my Friday night drinking trigger, I caved in under the notion that I wanted to be like very one else.
One of the main reasons I need to quit is that I have recently realised that currently, I?m unhappy when I?m drinking and also unhappy when I?m not drinking. This is due to the cravings I have ? they gnaw away at me constantly. I keep telling myself that I only drink at weekends, but I have to be honest and say that the weekend usually starts on Wednesdays.
I have a responsible job where I?m the line manager for lots of people. I have managed to function reasonably well considering the frequency of my binge drinking, but I know that as a leader who doesn?t drink, I will be much more effective?..
Anyway ? back story?.
I have drunk on and off (more on than off) since I was about 14. I was raised in a culture where it was a right of passage to drink ? to go to pubs underage and drink yourself to oblivion ? or to share a bottle of cider with friends in some hidden away part of a park or car park. By the time you were 18 where I came from , you were very likely to be a seasoned drinker. Alongside this was also the added attraction of smoking. By the time I was 15 or 16, I was smoking as many cigarettes a day as I could afford. By the time I stopped smoking I had a reasonably well paid job so was getting through 30 cigarettes each day.
Looking back , I think that when I stopped smoking, I merely transferred one addiction to another ? I transferred the addiction from nicotine to lager. I rarely, if ever, drank at home prior to stopping smoking. Over the last ten years or so, I have slowly but surely increased the amount of lager I consume, but more importantly, the frequency of my drinking.
The final piece of the jigsaw is that I have struggled with my weight since childhood. Overeating has been a part of my life for ever. My size has defined me ever since I was a young boy.
This changed about 18 months ago when I had weight loss surgery ? a gastric bypass. Since that time I have gone from 317 lbs to 190ish pounds. This has had a fantastic impact on my life ? my confidence and self esteem has dramatically increased as has my health and sense of well being.
The only downside is that this in turn seemed to escalate my problem with alcohol. If I could turn back time, I would stop myself from reintroducing lager into my life after the op. For a time (about a month) I wasn?t able to drink lager ? I so wish I had kept that up?..but no point in rolling in mud ? that won?t get me clean.
What is significant is that when a gastric bypass patient takes a sip of alcohol, the effect is like rocket-fuel coursing through the system. The buzz from the lager is incredibly quick and intense. At first, I couldn?t drink very much, but this slowly crept up until I could probably drink a similar amount to my pre-op standard. Prior to quitting, I would drink about 6 bottles of lager followed by 2-3 cans of Guinness?maybe not a huge amount by some standards, but enough to have all of the symptoms that I have read about on posts on here e.g., waking in the middle of the night, feeling dreadful physically and mentally. I have also noticed that the need to drink became more and more regular as time went on. I would keep pushing until I came to a point where I HAD to stop. I would stop for a short time, the start again under the premise that I could moderate my drinking.
I now feel grateful that despite my alcohol intake, the weight loss has still happened. Despite my obvious self-destructive behaviours, I have still lost the weight.
So here I am ? mid 40s ? ex smoker, ex drinker, ex overeater?.wanting to start again.
I have everything that a person could want ? a loving wife and family, a good career, most of the trappings of success. I need to wake up to this and stop the behaviours that threaten it!
I?m wanting to leave behind
1, the hangovers
2, the sense of shame
3, the constant cravings that I have after the weekend prior to caving in and starting to drink
I know that I can do this ? I did it with smoking, I can do it again. I just need to be ultra aware that just like in the case of smoking, I could transfer one addiction to another.
I have already found this forum to be incredibly useful in my battle. I'm only 10 days sober but reading the posts of others and studying the toolbox has already saved me once (about 3 days ago) when I was about to revert to being the (ab)normal drinker
I hope to use this thread to express my feelings , hold myself accountable and make sure I follow through?.fingers crossed!
I?ve struggled with alcohol addiction for what seems like a long time (I think I realised it was becoming a problem about 5 years ago and realised I had to stop about 18 months ago).
One thing that I have in my favour is that I stopped smoking over 13 years ago. I rarely think about smoking, other than to smugly congratulate myself for defeating that nasty addiction. The main reason that I know that it is 13yrs is that I stopped smoking as my first child was born ? he was the catalyst and instigator of the change. The battle with nicotine was a long drawn out one -I had tried many, many times to stop , each time to start again after a very short time. The same with alcohol ? I have tried to cut down many times and quite a few times I have tried to quit completely. My best effort was six weeks - last summer. I have what could be considered to be a stressful job. After six weeks, the first time I met my Friday night drinking trigger, I caved in under the notion that I wanted to be like very one else.
One of the main reasons I need to quit is that I have recently realised that currently, I?m unhappy when I?m drinking and also unhappy when I?m not drinking. This is due to the cravings I have ? they gnaw away at me constantly. I keep telling myself that I only drink at weekends, but I have to be honest and say that the weekend usually starts on Wednesdays.
I have a responsible job where I?m the line manager for lots of people. I have managed to function reasonably well considering the frequency of my binge drinking, but I know that as a leader who doesn?t drink, I will be much more effective?..
Anyway ? back story?.
I have drunk on and off (more on than off) since I was about 14. I was raised in a culture where it was a right of passage to drink ? to go to pubs underage and drink yourself to oblivion ? or to share a bottle of cider with friends in some hidden away part of a park or car park. By the time you were 18 where I came from , you were very likely to be a seasoned drinker. Alongside this was also the added attraction of smoking. By the time I was 15 or 16, I was smoking as many cigarettes a day as I could afford. By the time I stopped smoking I had a reasonably well paid job so was getting through 30 cigarettes each day.
Looking back , I think that when I stopped smoking, I merely transferred one addiction to another ? I transferred the addiction from nicotine to lager. I rarely, if ever, drank at home prior to stopping smoking. Over the last ten years or so, I have slowly but surely increased the amount of lager I consume, but more importantly, the frequency of my drinking.
The final piece of the jigsaw is that I have struggled with my weight since childhood. Overeating has been a part of my life for ever. My size has defined me ever since I was a young boy.
This changed about 18 months ago when I had weight loss surgery ? a gastric bypass. Since that time I have gone from 317 lbs to 190ish pounds. This has had a fantastic impact on my life ? my confidence and self esteem has dramatically increased as has my health and sense of well being.
The only downside is that this in turn seemed to escalate my problem with alcohol. If I could turn back time, I would stop myself from reintroducing lager into my life after the op. For a time (about a month) I wasn?t able to drink lager ? I so wish I had kept that up?..but no point in rolling in mud ? that won?t get me clean.
What is significant is that when a gastric bypass patient takes a sip of alcohol, the effect is like rocket-fuel coursing through the system. The buzz from the lager is incredibly quick and intense. At first, I couldn?t drink very much, but this slowly crept up until I could probably drink a similar amount to my pre-op standard. Prior to quitting, I would drink about 6 bottles of lager followed by 2-3 cans of Guinness?maybe not a huge amount by some standards, but enough to have all of the symptoms that I have read about on posts on here e.g., waking in the middle of the night, feeling dreadful physically and mentally. I have also noticed that the need to drink became more and more regular as time went on. I would keep pushing until I came to a point where I HAD to stop. I would stop for a short time, the start again under the premise that I could moderate my drinking.
I now feel grateful that despite my alcohol intake, the weight loss has still happened. Despite my obvious self-destructive behaviours, I have still lost the weight.
So here I am ? mid 40s ? ex smoker, ex drinker, ex overeater?.wanting to start again.
I have everything that a person could want ? a loving wife and family, a good career, most of the trappings of success. I need to wake up to this and stop the behaviours that threaten it!
I?m wanting to leave behind
1, the hangovers
2, the sense of shame
3, the constant cravings that I have after the weekend prior to caving in and starting to drink
I know that I can do this ? I did it with smoking, I can do it again. I just need to be ultra aware that just like in the case of smoking, I could transfer one addiction to another.
I have already found this forum to be incredibly useful in my battle. I'm only 10 days sober but reading the posts of others and studying the toolbox has already saved me once (about 3 days ago) when I was about to revert to being the (ab)normal drinker
I hope to use this thread to express my feelings , hold myself accountable and make sure I follow through?.fingers crossed!
Comment