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    #1

    One of the most peculiar things about being AF

    Hello all,
    I don't post much, but have found this site and its support invaluable over the past couple years, in which I've managed to be AF much more than Al consuming.

    Anyway, since getting my hip replaced 3 mo ago, I've been completely AF and the desire to ever use any in the future dwindles more by the day. Bottom line, I recognize Al more than ever for the simple poison that it is, and even if I do make the poor choice to consume it again, I know full well what I'm getting into.

    Here's my gripe and I welcome comments and explanations as to why this oddity of human behavior exists: Why the F*** must I get interrogated for choosing to not consume alcohol? The other night my wife and I were at a lovely dinner with my wife's sister and her husband. This is a highly intelligent couple (PhD types) with whom we've enjoyed many occasions in the past--almost all with alcohol. They ordered a bottle of wine with dinner. When it arrived, I politely declined the waiter from pouring any in my glass. After he left, I got this piercing, interrogative stare from my sister-in-law, and the question "So....what's with this no drinking thing". I guess you had to be there, but it was a pretty uncomfortable moment. I simply replied "alcohol just doesn't agree with me anymore. At this point in my life, there's a lot more downside than enjoyment". After a weird, zombie-like stare that lasted a few more seconds, the whole issue never surfaced again, and the night went great (better for me, of course). I can just hear the couple behind the closed door of their bedroom, or after we traveled back home: "I bet he's an alcoholic, and can't drink at all anymore--how miserable". Thing is, I am not a miserable "dry drunk". I love life without booze. My nights are full again, because I'm not tuned out from dinner time onward. In fact, observing those who drink act like dullards while forgoing the remainder of their evenings has become an amusing source of entertainment for me as of late.
    Just WHY MUST we who choose to not drink get this uncomfortable interrogation?     If they all ordered Pepsi, and I ordered water, they would not peer at me and say "So....what's with this no Pepsi thing". If they knew I had kicked heroin (thank goodness I've never had to do that) would they ask "So....what's with this no heroin thing?" What is it about others and THEIR drinking that makes them behave like this toward those who make the best choice, and do not drink? This is a fascinating element of human interaction and human behavior. In a way, it's amusing, but in a way, it's a pain in the arse.

    I know this topic has probably been beaten like a dead horse here, but I welcome comments on others' experience with it and your explanations as to why we see it.
    Thanks.

    BFF
    Tags: None
    #2
    One of the most peculiar things about being AF

    The same thing happens to most of us. In my experience people who comment like that are either alcoholics themselves, or drink to much and wish they could stop. Simple as that - they are envious of you.

    It is annoying but turn it around: feel sorry for them instead of annoyed. If they can't be happy for you maybe they are unhappy in general?

    Thanks for posting this. It will be interesting to see the response of others here. When this has happened to me at parties there is invariably someone (usually another woman) who comes up to me quietly and states that she'd like to cut down. But I never hear the question: can you help me? how did you do it?

    Sad but true we all have to find our own way.
    (Edit, to say that I usually have one at parties, which I carry around and sip from, but it becomes obvious quickly that I'm only having the one, while the others just keep getting more and more sozzled - and more boring!!)
    My first "indifference experience" Saturday January 11, 2014. Thank God for Baclofen!

    Comment

      #3
      One of the most peculiar things about being AF

      BoozeFreeFox;1608320 wrote: Hello all,
      I don't post much, but have found this site and its support invaluable over the past couple years, in which I've managed to be AF much more than Al consuming.

      Anyway, since getting my hip replaced 3 mo ago, I've been completely AF and the desire to ever use any in the future dwindles more by the day. Bottom line, I recognize Al more than ever for the simple poison that it is, and even if I do make the poor choice to consume it again, I know full well what I'm getting into.

      Here's my gripe and I welcome comments and explanations as to why this oddity of human behavior exists: Why the F*** must I get interrogated for choosing to not consume alcohol? The other night my wife and I were at a lovely dinner with my wife's sister and her husband. This is a highly intelligent couple (PhD types) with whom we've enjoyed many occasions in the past--almost all with alcohol. They ordered a bottle of wine with dinner. When it arrived, I politely declined the waiter from pouring any in my glass. After he left, I got this piercing, interrogative stare from my sister-in-law, and the question "So....what's with this no drinking thing". I guess you had to be there, but it was a pretty uncomfortable moment. I simply replied "alcohol just doesn't agree with me anymore. At this point in my life, there's a lot more downside than enjoyment". After a weird, zombie-like stare that lasted a few more seconds, the whole issue never surfaced again, and the night went great (better for me, of course). I can just hear the couple behind the closed door of their bedroom, or after we traveled back home: "I bet he's an alcoholic, and can't drink at all anymore--how miserable". Thing is, I am not a miserable "dry drunk". I love life without booze. My nights are full again, because I'm not tuned out from dinner time onward. In fact, observing those who drink act like dullards while forgoing the remainder of their evenings has become an amusing source of entertainment for me as of late.
      Just WHY MUST we who choose to not drink get this uncomfortable interrogation?       If they all ordered Pepsi, and I ordered water, they would not peer at me and say "So....what's with this no Pepsi thing". If they knew I had kicked heroin (thank goodness I've never had to do that) would they ask "So....what's with this no heroin thing?" What is it about others and THEIR drinking that makes them behave like this toward those who make the best choice, and do not drink? This is a fascinating element of human interaction and human behavior. In a way, it's amusing, but in a way, it's a pain in the arse.

      I know this topic has probably been beaten like a dead horse here, but I welcome comments on others' experience with it and your explanations as to why we see it.
      Thanks.

      BFF
      BFF - LOVE this post - that is EXACTLY what happenied to me last night from an old friend.
      And I agree with the behind closed doors thing totally. Could have written that post myself :goodjob:
      But then I probably would have reacted the same 2 years ago - jealousy - in my opinion.
      Now like you I LOVE the power trip- EVIL :H

      Comment

        #4
        One of the most peculiar things about being AF

        BFF - a point very well made.
        I have to confess I have been guilty of the very same towards people not drinking and I know exactly why. I was uncomfortable that I was getting pissed while the other person remained sober. concerned they would be judging me, concerned that we wouldn't have fun. when I was drinking heavily I always found myself more comfortable in the company of others who were drinking at least as much as me if not more.
        I also believe it makes others, even if not alcoholic, become aware of their drinking which perhaps isn't a comfortable thing to do.
        I have a couple of close friends who very rarely drink and have been super supportive when I don't drink al. they don't feel threatened, other equally close friends who do drink, while not exactly being critical of my non drinking have kind of drifted away (or maybe its me who has drifted).
        satz - the evil power trip.... oh yes ive done that when ive been sober and others drinking..... bit naughty but we deserve it.
        Today is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
        Keep passing the open windows

        Comment

          #5
          One of the most peculiar things about being AF

          You guys are awesome. Glad you relate to this abject stupidity. BTW, Jazi's Mum, I love the term "sozzled". I am going to incorporate it into my vocabulary.

          I have a lot more to bounce off this forum about things related to this, which I hope to do in forthcoming posts.

          Comment

            #6
            One of the most peculiar things about being AF

            Hi,

            When friends of mine quit I was an interrogator, and it is for the exact reasons mentioned above - I was thinking that I was drinking too much and I really, really wanted to know what it was like to not drink, and what the motivation was so I could try to get some myself. I don't mind answering questions now that I don't drink - I hope I can show people that it is not as scary as they might think, and in fact it feels good not to drink.

            Comment

              #7
              One of the most peculiar things about being AF

              Hi BFF-

              I had actually never considered this phenomenon until I read Jason Vales Book KICK THE DRINK.... He details and explains it very we'll, I think. He asks the question- ' why is AL the only drug you get criticized for Not Using... I had never considered that before.

              He talks a lot about the brainwashing which much if our society puts up with in Advertising and such...all pretty common sense stuff but certainly worth the reminder.

              Great Post! :l
              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

              Comment

                #8
                One of the most peculiar things about being AF

                Here's how I look at this sort of this;

                IT'S THEIR PROBLEM NOT MINE

                Yup I was a pain in the neck drunk and I was going to die, if they can't handle it that's up to them.

                Also ask yourself what's the chances they will be gossiping about you once you've gone, or will they be too busy doing the dishes, chores, next thing they have planned?

                I also think non-drinkers make some drinkers defensive, they like being part of crowd where it's acceptable, or they might not themselves be able to consider having a good time without a drink (many people don't). Anyone outside that norm can feel like a threat.

                I don't care if people think or know I'm an alcoholic, I'm in recovery and that's all that matters.
                I used the Sinclair Method to beat my alcoholic drinking.

                Drank within safe limits for almost 2 years

                AF date 22/07/13

                Comment

                  #9
                  One of the most peculiar things about being AF

                  I have had more interrogation about not eating meat than not drinking AL at shared meals.

                  But Last year someone gave me an accusing stare when I ordered diet coke (I wanted to stay awake before sitting through a very long Shakespearean play) instead of wine - in fact they questioned me about drinking this poison (the coke) instead of the more 'healthy' option of wine!!
                  and yes, this person was highly educated and probably regards herself as very tolerant.

                  By the way, I am not proping up the Diet Coke industry and I know it is not healthy! This was a moment of weakness on my part!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    One of the most peculiar things about being AF

                    BFF, my BIL & SIL were soo aghast that I wasn't drinking last week that my BIL even went so far as to as he didn't like the new sober me!!! Pmsl bleedin cheek!! I laughed, just as well I've a thick skin. Ended up having a great nite out in the end! And u cud actually remember it! Just thinking after reading ur post, my hubby doesn't drink (not an alkie, just doesn't get alcohol, lucky sod!) any hoo we'll never get invited out to dinner again if the 2 of us r sober!! Better get used to sitting in!!! (Yeah, rite!)

                    Comment

                      #11
                      One of the most peculiar things about being AF

                      I like this post, as this sort of thing happens all the time!

                      I think true "moderators," those that can have 1 drink (women) and 2 (men) would not be bothered by others not drinking. Those that drink more probably feel like they'll be vulnerable around you, as you will have a straight mind, and it might cause insecurities within themselves. I find it all funny now, thinking of people's faces, and their reactions to someone who doesn't drink.
                      Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        One of the most peculiar things about being AF

                        Thank you all for the interesting responses.
                        I still think this is a fascinating facet of human behavior. That said, as many have pointed out, despite this kind of reproachful behavior toward us, it's just something we have to live with. I guess it's due, in large part, to the fact that we once were their co-miserating company, and now we've chosen not to be (co-miserating in the Al, that is--I'll always take their company). They're (whether they want to believe it or not) threatened by it. No sense arguing over it or getting up tight about it.
                        I also agree that in a no good, sadistic kind of way, it is fun watching others drink, while remaining entirely clear-headed. Worth the price of admission.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          One of the most peculiar things about being AF

                          Lol!! Here, here BFF!!!

                          Comment

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