choice

[Byrdlady]

choice

poppy62;1609387 wrote: I am with Spuddleduck and UK blond nobody expects to become the person who cant walk away from drink when they first start drinking. I feel its is definately a genetic pre-disposition to become addicted but that it is not an opinion that is presented in the public domain. Drinking is presented as being socially accepted and plays a large role in majority of celebrations and social occasions , so very difficult to avoid, especially when you are young and may not be as aware of you al problem and when getting drunk is seen as a normal young persons activity and a huge laugh. I think choice comes into it once you realise you have a problem then you can choose to deal with the situation or deny it. I think for most of us accepting and dealing with the problem is never an easy or quick process.

I have worked with people who are involved in drug but never taken them myself but drug taking like drink can be part of a social culture with big pressures by others in the group, especially dealers to keep you addicted, there is help but it is not often easy to access. Everything we do and say is guided by choice but those choices are often influensed and guided by thing other than our oursleves , so making the 'choice' debate not as black and white as it would often first appear !!. I choose not to drink only taken me 35 years to get there !!. I long time coming but a very worthy choice me thinks !!

I agree with all, but especially identified with Poppy here....
I believe it is a choice. I have looked at it up one side and down the other, and when I took the choice of drinking off the table (which was a choice in itself) I was able to succeed. Byrdie

[vynan]

choice

That's the way beagle, way to go man!

[YouKayBee]

choice

Byrdlady;1609403 wrote: I agree with all, but especially identified with Poppy here....
I believe it is a choice. I have looked at it up one side and down the other, and when I took the choice of drinking off the table (which was a choice in itself) I was able to succeed. Byrdie

That is definitely a choice, and a biggie to take.

[bettygirl]

choice

its a choice at first, until you go over the brink and become addicted/alcoholic, then it is a disease according to the dsm.

[little beagle]

choice

I wish sometimes I could just turn off my lizard brain and relaz. I just feel that if I could just say the right combination of words or DO the right sequence of actions it might change the way these people think. Make them want to stop hurting themselves. Save us all this PAIN. Watching someone else self destruct is like watching them get hit by a giant truch, over and over. You see them in the street, you run over and say "Watch out, you're about to get hit!" They stand there and sure enough, that truck hits them. And then after they recover, there they are, back out in that DAMN STREET AGAIN.
I know the three C's and detachment but this is HARD dammit.
But at least I can come here and tell you guys about it. Thanks.

[Gardener]

choice

Hi LB - Sorry you are still struggling with this battle with the relatives. It's hard anyway you look at it, but when it's family, that adds another dimension.

I would have to go with choice, but also agree with Poppy's post in that once you know it's a problem and are fully aware and experiencing negative effects, it is most definitely a choice. One that comes with a high price.

[little beagle]

choice

Anyone esle who is not drinking, and living with addiction in their family is invited to join me. Some sharing of what you are currently going through and ways you are dealing with it would perhaps give us all some new ways to do both protect our new quit, yet at the same time lend someone else a hand in overcoming their own obstacles.
That is what I am really trying for here.
I am really working to keep that New Years resolution of bringing some Serenity into my chaotic life.

[DipGal]

choice

Marking my spot and will read through everything and post tomorrow.. hugs to all.

[Guitarista]

choice

little beagle;1610546 wrote: Anyone esle who is not drinking, and living with addiction in their family is invited to join me. Some sharing of what you are currently going through and ways you are dealing with it would perhaps give us all some new ways to do both protect our new quit, yet at the same time lend someone else a hand in overcoming their own obstacles.
That is what I am really trying for here.
I am really working to keep that New Years resolution of bringing some Serenity into my chaotic life.

Hi LB,

You are doing an amazing job staying sober throughout this emotional turmoil. Keep it going.

I have been in this sort of situation a few times, sadly. For me, i found the bottom line is that the only person who can create change is the addict. Not me, not a partner or family member, not the police, not gaol, it must come from the person themselves.

But what can i do now?

For me, i told the person i was always there to talk with in support throughout their journey. Always. But i will not be there materially/financially, until they make the effort to get clean/straight. This is heartbreaking, as i was basically saying to my friend that i will not support you materially whilst you are in active addiction. I still care about you and am here for you emotionally and this is unconditional. But, what IS conditional, is my material support for you, which included the person living in my home. If my safety and sanity is compromised, i am of no use to my friend. Maybe i would even be enabling the person, i don't know. We can talk material support when you make the effort to change. What i CAN do is find out who/where support services are for addicts locally and pass these options and info on to the addict, and support the person to access these services IF the person wants this.

This is a sad and terrible situation LB. I am sorry that you, the addicted person, and your respective families are going through this right now.

Can you have a yap to a local addiction service/hospital for some advice, or to find a support group for yourself? Have you contacted Nar-anon? They're a support group for families of addicts. Here's a link.

Nar-Anon Family Groups

All the best with everything.

P.S. Looks like there's a Nar-anon group in your town, if you decide to go this way.

[little beagle]

choice

Hubby and I are both attending al anon classes once a week, on Thurs. This is helping. I also have a nar anon forum I am a member of. Very similar to MWO. I mostly lurk at this time, but much of the info is very helpful.
I did have a talk with the step daughter explaining why I am detached. I think she understands. One Day At A Time is really all we can do.

[Guitarista]

choice

Sorry LB. I deleted my last post that you responded to. I think it was a bit too raw and probably not really helpful.

All the best.

[Marioisback]

choice

It's a bit more complicated than just being a simple choice,I knew for years that I shouldent be drinking as my whole life was in turmoil,And after getting alcohol free I soon realised with councillors help there were many underline issues that I had to deal with.

[little beagle]

choice

G-man Raw is just how I feel. Your posts are:thanks: helpful. Sometimes the unvarnished truth is needed.
This girl is going to end up dead. She is in an unfamiliar place, swimming with sharks.
This is difficult and scarry. Having someone to relate to, who has been through similar situations gives us both courage to do what we must. Yes I am sharing this with him. Anything I find to be helpful to me is passed along to him.
Last night I explained it like this.
We are on a journey. Driving without a map, not really sure where we are going, not really sure where we started from. We are going to take a few dead end detours. But one thing is important. AL IS NOT WELCOME ON THIS TRIP.
That's where we are at this morning.

[3June2013]

choice

LB you are kind enough to allow them to live in your space. They need to return that kindness with respect for your space. Your house your rules. No reason at all that you should have this stress in your life.

[Guitarista]

choice

little beagle;1610698 wrote: G-man Raw is just how I feel. Your posts are:thanks: helpful. Sometimes the unvarnished truth is needed.
This girl is going to end up dead. She is in an unfamiliar place, swimming with sharks.
This is difficult and scarry. Having someone to relate to, who has been through similar situations gives us both courage to do what we must. Yes I am sharing this with him. Anything I find to be helpful to me is passed along to him.
Last night I explained it like this.
We are on a journey. Driving without a map, not really sure where we are going, not really sure where we started from. We are going to take a few dead end detours. But one thing is important. AL IS NOT WELCOME ON THIS TRIP.
That's where we are at this morning.

Yes, she could end up dead very easily. Is she at least aware of the hazards of using alone? The hazards of potential irregular batches/strength of the drug? Clean fits/needles etc? She's probably heard this stuff before. I hope she can at least use safely until she can find her way out.

You must be a massive positive for your family in this situation LB. Take care of yourself friend.