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    #31
    choice

    For me LB, I would exhaust all support possibilities whilst the person lived with me, such as researching support services they might be interested in, and helping them access services/info or treatment if they want that, which i'm sure you've been through. But if someone i'm living with wishes to continue in active addiction, and this includes AL, they can do it in their own place. I would support a person to secure their own place, give that person info about support services they can access locally, including anonymous telephone counselling/drug info lines, hospital numbers/addresses etc. and leave them to choose their path. I would tell them i love them, and i am always here for them, and my love for them is unconditional. What would be conditional for me, is material/financial support (except where helping to pay for treatment is concerned). The condition is that the person chooses to get clean/sober. Then i am there with bells on. Until this time, if the person chooses to remain in active addiction, despite support being offered, then there isn't much more i can do physically, except to tell them i love them, and i am always here for them.

    Just my approach LB. Maybe not the best one. It would be interesting to hear what other people/families in this sort of situation have found helpful.

    Best wishes. G bloke.

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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      #32
      choice

      I will go over all info I have with her. I am trying to take an evening walk with her. We just started this, but I think it may be helpful. I talk better when doing an activity. Not so intense and focused on the problems.
      Thank you.
      No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

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        #33
        choice

        I view it as a choice to drink and addiction is when we chose to drink too much and too often and it gets to where we feel that we don't have a choice. However we always have the choice to not drink. We just need to find it.
        I quit drinking on March 8, 2020. Taking it One Day At A Time and no more taking my quit for granted.

        Also doing it for me. I got to stay sober for me.

        Just consecrate on today and do what you can to remain sober for today and worry about staying sober tomorrow, tomorrow.

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          #34
          choice

          Amen. I come here instead of drinking.
          No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

          Comment

            #35
            choice

            Little Beagle, I agree with others that this is choice that we make. But unfortunately it is the choice we make for ourselves and we can't make it for other people. We can influence other people but choice is still theirs. I am so frustrated with our therapist - she says that alcoholism is a disease just like diabetes. The sick person needs understanding and support. This frustrates me because it enables my husband to say I am sick I can't help myself. What a catch 22. My point is that when you have diabetics - you go to the doctor and get pills/insulin/help. I also went to Al anon as therapist recommended. I spoke one woman who was there for meetings 8 years already. It seems that they focus on how to help relatives who have addicts/alcoholics to cope and deal with this rather then get practical advise in the situation.
            By the way can you pleas PM me the web site address for Al anon forum you have found please.
            AF since 10/20/2013
            Smoke free since 09/24/2007
            Meat free since 09/20/2008
            ---------------------------------------
            With will one can do anything - Samuel Smiles

            Comment

              #36
              choice

              I'm a little late..

              Hi BG and friends.. I'm a little late with my two cents and a description of my situation.. but here goes.

              First of all, I do believe continuing to drink is a choice.. however, there are so many circumstances leading up to the decision of which choice to make. Whether the person has the addiction gene, the environment while growing up as well as currently, whether there is a mental problem all come into play. Even when someone wants to quit and get healthy, due to some of the factors listed above, it may just be too overwhelming to make the choice to abstain.

              DH was a functional alcoholic when we were both working. I guess I probably was too. Since he has retired AL became his #1 activity. He used to enjoy all kinds of physical work and activity, but depression and anxiety kicked in. He enjoys very little now. He has no hobbies and he is anti-social. He tried to quit once before and made it to 52 days. He felt no better he said. He doesn't think he can quit. He wants to for health reasons, but just doesn't think he has it in him. He has nothing else in his life and can't imagine a world without AL. He won't go to a psychologist, he won't take meds and he won't go to AA. He knows he is a walking time bomb, especially after his tumble down the stairs last week where he could have become paralyzed or died.

              I am still in a position at only 10 days AF, that I can't imagine a life without AL either. I have friends though, and many other interests. I keep pretty busy most of the time. However, my favorite activities include booze. I want to moderate, but if he does decide to "try" again I won't drink in front of him. I know that I can do it now.

              I am a total enabler and a co-dependent. I hate confrontation or arguments. I want peace. I buy him his bottles because he rarely leaves the house. I won't leave him for several reasons.

              I think I am going to try Ala-non.. Even if he does abstain for awhile (I really don't think he'll quit because he doesn't want it bad enough) it'll still be difficult to deal with the potential of him starting again..and what to do if he does..
              "We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections."
              ~John Lennon

              Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
              ~Author Unknown

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                #37
                choice

                Dipgal so new in your quit, please just focus on you and overcoming this thing. Seeing you feeling happy and content, having fun af will be a real positive example of how wonderful life without al can be.
                My hubby began taking ab 3 months into my quit because of those reasons and other personal ones. He is 5 months af now and it is so much better. My daughter can actually stand spending time around him now. Actually enjoying having my husband again.
                My luck, I feel your frustration. My thought of the day. What does the word sorry mean if not backed up by actions to make the situation better or change the outcome of future actions? Well it is a journey, and we all travel at our own pace. I will send that pm when I get home later. Love you guys.
                No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

                Comment

                  #38
                  choice

                  little beagle;1611556 wrote: Dipgal so new in your quit, please just focus on you and overcoming this thing. Seeing you feeling happy and content, having fun af will be a real positive example of how wonderful life without al can be.
                  My hubby began taking ab 3 months into my quit because of those reasons and other personal ones. He is 5 months af now and it is so much better. My daughter can actually stand spending time around him now. Actually enjoying having my husband again.
                  My luck, I feel your frustration. My thought of the day. What does the word sorry mean if not backed up by actions to make the situation better or change the outcome of future actions? Well it is a journey, and we all travel at our own pace. I will send that pm when I get home later. Love you guys.
                  You're a freakin Raaawk star LB! :h

                  'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                  Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                  Comment

                    #39
                    choice

                    So I have been attending al anon. Reading the 12 step Buddhist.
                    It's really a lot to absorb right now.
                    Hubby and I have been discussing the 12 steps. Our inside joke is that the journey is going to be much longer then anticipated, so we better just bring the whole household with us.
                    Much funnier when he said it.
                    I guess I never thought about how I wronged someone. I thought I was the bystander. But that isn't right. I knew when my daughter was disapointed in me when I just couldn't get my drinking under control. She was mean about it sometimes.
                    I have behaved much worse. This is really not helpful.
                    Only when I found MWO and achieved some af time did hubby see a difference in me. Only After I stoped screaming hysterically and started talking did he listen.
                    I am trying to use that approach with these kids. I do not know what tomorrow brings, but I am just glad to make it through this weekend in one piece.
                    Have a great night all.
                    No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

                    Comment

                      #40
                      choice

                      Myluck;1611063 wrote: Little Beagle, I agree with others that this is choice that we make. But unfortunately it is the choice we make for ourselves and we can't make it for other people. We can influence other people but choice is still theirs. I am so frustrated with our therapist - she says that alcoholism is a disease just like diabetes. The sick person needs understanding and support. This frustrates me because it enables my husband to say I am sick I can't help myself. What a catch 22. My point is that when you have diabetics - you go to the doctor and get pills/insulin/help. I also went to Al anon as therapist recommended. I spoke one woman who was there for meetings 8 years already. It seems that they focus on how to help relatives who have addicts/alcoholics to cope and deal with this rather then get practical advise in the situation.
                      By the way can you pleas PM me the web site address for Al anon forum you have found please.
                      The problem with diabetes as an analogy is that so many people DO NOT chose to help themselves, they don't alter their diet (or make paltry changes), don't reduce their weight, carry on being unfit and ill whilst progressing down the range of treatments eventually into serious health problems.
                      I used the Sinclair Method to beat my alcoholic drinking.

                      Drank within safe limits for almost 2 years

                      AF date 22/07/13

                      Comment

                        #41
                        choice

                        Keeping my mental health safe is becoming all important right now.
                        I lost it Friday night and ranted on for about an hour, adamantly stating no drugs in my house. Saturday night, they did it again.
                        Yesterday I told step daughter's boyfriend he is gone in 2 days. She said she is leaving too. I hope she does. I hate that we have such a terrible relationship I actually hope she leaves, but right now all she is is a drug. Her personality is just revolving around that one thing.
                        Druggy motto "Care for nothing and no one. Use everyone to the very last of their ability to give. Make no plans for the future, look no further then getting high today."
                        Well at least I am truly learning the meaning of one day at a time. Oh Lord!
                        Hubby found a NA class to attend in our neighborhood. That is a step forward.
                        I absolutely refuse to drink over this. I will move out and make my own life before that happens!!! I will not drink AT my problems any longer.
                        No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

                        Comment

                          #42
                          choice

                          Watching someone descend into hell is SO painful, but going down there with them is madness.:upset:
                          I am going to start feeling better. I have to turn this over to the universe. I cannot solve someone else's problem. That is the problem. Too many other people have tried. Except her. She has put NO effort into it. Until she does, We are all spinning our wheels.
                          I am going back to my happy, cheerful self now.
                          No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

                          Comment

                            #43
                            choice

                            little beagle;1612807 wrote: I will not drink AT my problems any longer.
                            This sounds so strong and I really like your words.
                            I used the Sinclair Method to beat my alcoholic drinking.

                            Drank within safe limits for almost 2 years

                            AF date 22/07/13

                            Comment

                              #44
                              choice

                              little beagle;1613754 wrote: Watching someone descend into hell is SO painful, but going down there with them is madness.:upset:
                              I am going to start feeling better. I have to turn this over to the universe. I cannot solve someone else's problem. That is the problem. Too many other people have tried. Except her. She has put NO effort into it. Until she does, We are all spinning our wheels.
                              I am going back to my happy, cheerful self now.
                              :l

                              'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                              Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                              Comment

                                #45
                                choice

                                Watching someone descend into hell is SO painful, but going down there with them is madness.
                                I am going to start feeling better. I have to turn this over to the universe. I cannot solve someone else's problem. That is the problem. Too many other people have tried. Except her. She has put NO effort into it. Until she does, We are all spinning our wheels.
                                I am going back to my happy, cheerful self now.



                                you are 100% right beagle! you cant get sober unless you want to get sober...this person might have to find that out the hard way. focus on yourself, and be a model to that person of what a sober person can be!

                                hugs to you.
                                10-06-2012

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