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**Zenstyle** · January 20, 2014, 03:21 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

No... that is not entirely true. I've been here quite some time, and I am "moderating".. BUT it is not an easy road. I think some people might just warn you off as it is kind of hard to moderate...

I'm hoping you will stick around... safety in numbers and all that... X

**bettygirl** · January 20, 2014, 03:21 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

sorry true grit...it is hard for me to see a problem drinker struggle, so I give my "wisdom" in hopes that they will "see the light". but you are right, you deserved support and encouragement. all the best.

peace

**Zenstyle** · January 20, 2014, 03:25 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

It really comes down to where you are at... it's very simple at the end of the day. When you have crossed the line, you can't moderate... it is physically impossible, at least until you get a good distance between yourself and the grog. I hope you don't feel alone though. I joined this site because I wanted to moderate and I still think it's possible.

**Zenstyle** · January 20, 2014, 03:30 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

Truegrit... I hear you. I am actually on the same page as you. I am not sure if I will be a successful moderator myself, but shit it's my life and my decision, and I don't appreciate being dictated to.

I will say... there are people here that I am sure you can relate to. Don't ditch it just yet...

Sometimes we don't come across very well on a forum.

**SlipperyPete** · January 20, 2014, 03:31 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

This seems incredibly melodramatic. From what I've seen, you created a thread where you were going to document your "moderate drinking." You wrote about waiting all week and then getting drunk on Friday and Saturday. When someone pointed out that that's not moderating, that's binge drinking, you said that's not true because you have more sober days than drunk days now.

And then you make a thread about "taking your leave," trying to shame the people who pointed out that getting wasted twice a week is not moderating.

You still had plenty of support in your other thread, Grit. It's not too late to delete this thread and continue your experiment.

**Zenstyle** · January 20, 2014, 03:35 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

Oh. OK, I didn't know that Pete.

Be true to thyself. That's all I have.

Peace, out...

**Zenstyle** · January 20, 2014, 03:38 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

Mmmm.... perhaps True Grit needs a buddy right now. Just one last thought. Really out!

**red67** · January 20, 2014, 04:14 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

SlipperyPete;1615993 wrote: This seems incredibly melodramatic. From what I've seen, you created a thread where you were going to document your "moderate drinking." You wrote about waiting all week and then getting drunk on Friday and Saturday. When someone pointed out that that's not moderating, that's binge drinking, you said that's not true because you have more sober days than drunk days now.

And then you make a thread about "taking your leave," trying to shame the people who pointed out that getting wasted twice a week is not moderating.

You still had plenty of support in your other thread, Grit. It's not too late to delete this thread and continue your experiment.

THANK YOU!

TruGrit, you signed up here less than one week ago swearing off alcohol forever. You have been drinking daily for 13 years and many immediate family members are alcoholics.

A couple of quotes from you:

I have never told myself that I would never drink again but instead insisted that I would be able to drink like a normal person. I would be able to just drink on the weekends and that would last for a month tops before I went back to drinking every night and have been doing so, albeit the infrequent detours, for thirteen years now.

the addiction is a living, breathing entity that talks to you and tries to coerce you at every turn and soon I was right back to my old ways. I hate it, I hate it with an absolute passion and it is time to stop.

My step father was a total alcoholic that used to beat the hell out of my mother, my grandfather was an alcoholic piece of shit, my aunt and uncle are alcoholics, my father in law drank himself to death just two years ago and my mother drank herself to death in 2005.

After the first day of posting here how you were completely done with alcohol and the misery is has caused you for the past 13 years, the very next day you wake up with a moderation (or weekend binge drinking) plan. I compare this to a girl whose has been beaten up/abused by her boyfriend over and over again and saying she is finally done with him, reaches out for support to move on with her life, then the very next day she tells everyone she has decided he isn't so bad afterall and loves her and will never do it again. Yes I know it's not exactly the same but the point is, when you describe what this poison has done to you (and your family) for YEARS, do you think we aren't just a little alarmed when the very next day you have a plan to "control" it?

And I have to say as for your friends:

"Jack and Max who were on the verge of losing everything to alcohol and then became successful moderators, better family men and more successful in their careers"

If this is true why did you not seek thier guidance since they are doing so well?

I really hate to come off as a bitch here but you have only been here less than a week and really have done nothing but to offend the real members of this site who truly do care and try to help people.

**TrueGrit** · January 20, 2014, 04:40 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

Red67 wrote: And I have to say as for your friends:

"Jack and Max who were on the verge of losing everything to alcohol and then became successful moderators, better family men and more successful in their careers"

If this is true why did you not seek thier guidance since they are doing so well?
I have spoken with them but if you were actually paying attention I mentioned that we used to be really close but they have somewhat moved on with their lives.

Red67 wrote: I really hate to come off as a bitch here but you have only been here less than a week and really have done nothing but to offend the real members of this site who truly do care and try to help people.

You are delusional, I have done nothing of the sort! Go ahead and look back at my previous comments where I tried to offer advice and congratulations to people. This is the mentality of the members of your AF inner circle and it is disturbing to say the least. You were the one that initially attacked me after my reply to Byrd which was in NO WAY offensive and after I explained myself you said you sincerely believed me.

The way that you and your AF cabal come across has probably destroyed more people that have come here trying to get their alcohol moderated than has helped.

**available** · January 20, 2014, 04:56 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

Well said Red and very true. We are all fighting this battle and it is everyones choice to give their opinions if they start a thread. Anger in the first days is always big when giving up al. I used to think everyone was against me but i kept plodding along and found my niche in this site.

Alcohol destroys people not this site!

**kuya** · January 20, 2014, 05:06 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

May I suggest that no amount of discussion resolves this argument......however actions speak louder than words.

Why not quit COMPLETELY for 60 days and revisit the problem from a sober perspective.

IF you cannot quit drinking alcohol for that period of time then the chances of moderating are pretty low.

**red67** · January 20, 2014, 05:14 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

TrueGrit;1616102 wrote: I have spoken with them but if you were actually paying attention I mentioned that we used to be really close but they have somewhat moved on with their lives.

You are delusional, I have done nothing of the sort! Go ahead and look back at my previous comments where I tried to offer advice and congratulations to people. This is the mentality of the members of your AF inner circle and it is disturbing to say the least. You were the one that initially attacked me after my reply to Byrd which was in NO WAY offensive and after I explained myself you said you sincerely believed me.

The way that you and your AF cabal come across has probably destroyed more people that have come here trying to get their alcohol moderated than has helped.

Here are my responses to you on the other thread:

First One:
All of us alcoholics have said the same thing to ourselves, that we can moderate, can drink when we want to. We just have to figure out "the plan". Honestly, there are no social events that require you to drink. I work in construction and everyone and I mean everyone drinks, and ALOT. Before I quit I kept thinking I could never do it because I would never fit in with these people, I would be an outsider. I learned the only person I had to worry about was me. Who cares what others think about me not drinking? I still am close with all of them, some of them don't understand why I don't drink but I don't care.

If by some miracle you are able to moderate that will be great for you. I can tell you that's not how it works once you cross the line. It's your life though and if alcohol is that important to you (even though you detailed what it did to your family) good luck.

Second One:
I believe you genuinely mean this and that you truly think you can do this. This community will support you and you will meet truly wonderful people here who really care. We just know how moderating turns out for 99.9%. Its hard to watch a fellow alcoholic (if you are one), go down the path that we have all tried and failed at. We all thought we could moderate, made all different kinds of plans and some may have "succeeded" for a couple of days, weeks or months but it always came back to full blown miserable drunkedness. It's just so hard to see it happen over and over again. We know the pain and misery and none of want to see anyone else go thru it.

I am a fellow wisconsin resident (milwaukee) and I know the drinking culture here, it's what we do. But trust me, it is so much better without the drinking. I will follow your posts but I hope you will be brutally honest about what you encounter. It took me 4 years of trying to finally quit so I know it's a journey.

Really not sure where the attack comments come in.

As for "you and your AF cabal" - I have no members that I "cabal" with. If you read thru my posts you will see I don't have any group of people I regularly associate with. What we have in common though is that yes we support those who ask for help. If you want help with a binge drinking plan I am sure there are some people who will support you with that. I cannot.

**treetops** · January 20, 2014, 05:16 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

One issue that seems to be forgotten in all of this - is that for many people - moderation - is not an option - because of their physical health.

Abstinence during the week and then drinking at weekends is just a slower route to liver and other organ damage for some of us.

This does not apply to everyone and its not even bringing in the issues of habit and addiction.

**mama bear** · January 20, 2014, 05:22 PM

Taking my leave of this forum.

whatever you do True...I wish you well

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