aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

[roxane]

quite a lot of new faces around, and not so many old ones, hope they left because theyre in a good place.

i, obviously, am not.

been reading a lot of the posts on here, so i feel i know you all already, but you dont know me!

hopefully, i will open up on here, with all your help.

[acadiaofmaine]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Hi Roxane,

Welcome back! This is a good place as you know, so why don't you tell us a little about yourself? I find it difficult to open up, but the more I do, the better I feel. The more we talk on here, the more we help ourselves and others!

Will be back to you later.

Ann

[shelbysmiles]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Welcome back, Roxane. Pull up a chair and let us know how you are doing :-)

[K9Lover]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Welcome back Roxane! Maybe you can share a little of what's going on with you so we can help? Stick close, read and read and post when you feel like it. This place literally saves lives. Glad you're back!
K9

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

thanks for the welcome back, though i wish it wasnt so.

when i was first on here...... oohh....... 2007, i was going through a very hard time with my dying husband. the support here was fantastic. when he died i gave up giving up.*

it seems like yesterday, but mainly because i drink. its been over five years now and i have no excuses. well, of course i do, im drunk, we can make up all kinds of 'reasons'.

*actually, thats not true. i was doing the up/down but doing 'ok' until i had an operation. the drugs they gave me seemed to kick me into big time addiction again. see? excuses.

[shelbysmiles]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Roxane, I'm the queen of excuses :-) All that matters at this point is what are you going to do to change the future? We can't do anything about what happened yesterday so there's no use wasting any sweet time on it. Sure, we can learn from our mistakes, but don't dwell on it.

I'm so sorry you lost your husband. That must have been devasting.

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Hi shelby, I missed this til now. Email alerts don't work so I lost the thread.

What am I planning? Day one for a start, which is today. 9.15pm here, so I've managed at least that.

[bkyogagurl]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Welcome back Roxane~

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Thanks bk

Well done on 22, how do you feel on it?

[halo]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Roxanne so sorry to hear about your husband, grief is hard but we are glad you are here willing to get the support and help you need to get rid of AL from your life.

Welcome Back :l

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Thanks halo
I've been reading like crazy.
Day one over, I have to work tomorrow and driving back is a big trigger.

[shelbysmiles]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Well done on day 1! Huge accomplishment- be proud of yourself. Try not to worry about tomorrow just yet.

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

Not quite well done, I only managed that day.

On day two now though and have been reading and trying to write down points which really resonate.

Watching YouTube videos, cherry Healy, alcohol will kill you, intervention, rain in my heart.

It definitely helps knowing that its not me that wants that drink, it's the addiction. I'm going to name it to make it some one other than me.

Terrible sleep, hot flushes, tight chest and fluttery heart. Not bad through, I'm just aware of them.

Constantly thinking of it, but I was when I had to plan the day for drink, all the time telling myself it was the last day, stressing myself. So I think about it but don't feel wiped out the next day. Well, I do, but not disappointed.

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

I'm going to use this thread to keep tabs on myself. I will need to put more truths here so I can hopefully read back and see progress and be accountable.

I will try to post in the nest but its rather overwhelming atm.

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

day three

5pm and having an urge. crave. normally pissed by now.

checked HALT and none of those apply.

should walk dog but walking past the shop will trigger. along with the urge, it will put me under too much pressure. i wont cave but best avoid that situation atm.

will see how i feel later, maybe roadwalk him 6.30 as there is a comedy programme on radio four then, something good to listen to

so glad i have this place to put my feelings down.