aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

[available]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

god forbid Rox that i told my psychologist about my drinking, wasnt that bad to mention, yeah right!

Cant you google him or forgotten the name also? Maybe there is something somewhere on the net. There is everything on the damn net nowdays.

I googled low blood pressure the other day when i had it, dont google anything you have. Mine was low but next stage "death". Yeah right, so i spent the whole night thinking i was not going to wake up. Note to self, do not google anything to do with health.

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

lol, my sister convinced herself she had a brain tumour googling headaches.

he has a very common name and cant remember the name of the department. i could just ask my health centre but i have an aversion to flagging myself up with them. it all goes on record!

i'll maybe look properly tomorrow, dont feel to good atm.

[available]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

what time is it over there Rox?

Oh i have a moving tumour ha ha. every time i go to the drs i think he is going to tell me i am going to die. Just like taking the dogs to the vets

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

just after 11am. day 2.

hows your blood pressure? higher now i suspect what with the vet visit.

lol for keeping me accountable on my thread, sneaky!!

[available]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

oh you wont get far from me, im on a mission with you and i would love you to beat al just as i know you want to but its not easy at first i know that. I said when i first started that my al brain was like a toddler going "mum mum mum" and i was like "just shut the fark up".

My puppy is next to me panting so i know she is not well. I just have images of her dying in the night, yep always think the worst and the vets is an hour drive. Im sure she will b fine. But the good thing is i am sober. I hate to imagine how often she had a seizure when i was pissed as she is epileptic and i was comatosed.

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

thats the one fear i have with my boy, though the vets is not so far, i would be too pissed to drive, or maybe even notice.

did the vet give her pain relief?

i wrote more but it came out as nonsense.

[available]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

the vets i have to go to has a payment plan as she got sick on an off pay week. gees so inconsiderate but the vets is excellent.

Vet gave her something to stop vomiting but she just had a drink and vomited . going to be a long long night.

I always talk crap dont worry about it.

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

if she doesnt mind being touched maybe put a tight t shirt on her. it is said to destress them. have had people say it works.

[available]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

AND???????????????????????????? how did your day go??????????????????????????/

Mine was crap but its not about me, its about YOU YOU YOU

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

im doing something wrong, i didnt manage yesterday. going to look at my tools and my deluded mind.

[available]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

GRRR and what swayed you to drink? You are not deluded lovely, it is so hard to not give into the cravings. It takes a lot of will power and grit and determination. Something that i never had till my last quit when really i had had enough. Sure i still wanted al but what was it doing for me, absolutely nothing. What did drinking give to you? Did you feel better, happier, more in control? Did you wake up sober, grateful of not having a hangover and accomplishing another sober day?

The only thing you are doing wrong Rox is drinking! I know you can do this and i know it is hard, some days it feels impossible but when you get through that day the next will likely be easier.

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

it was like my sober brain got pushed aside and my drunk brain walked me to the shops and bought alcohol. my sober brain just watched.

your support nearly worked too!

i didnt feel bad about myself because the drunk brain was in control, it new what it wanted and wasnt going to feel bad. my sober brain now however is extremely annoyed she left the building.

[available]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

lol funny girl. now walking the dog in the rain would have been more productive than walking to the bottleshop. i started cleaning when drunk brain came to the fore. damn i had a clean house for awhile.

you need to tell the drunk brain to fark off. the first two weeks are the hardest Rox, no doubt about that but if you can not listen to that drunk brain it is well worth it. pretend its an ex boyfriend or something and block it out. has the drunk brain left the building?

[roxane]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

thats just it, today its not here. maybe having a nap because it flexed its muscles yesterday. i need to get my sober brain fitter. and to keep awake for longer.
and i did walk in the rain with the dog, via the shop!

i am sure i will get the urge at 1ish, but thats not the same feeling at all. i can deal with that.

thanks ava i feel i let you down and that was the intention, becAUSE IT MAKES ME KEEP ON AT THIS oops, caps lock

[available]

aannnnddd........... i'm back in the room.

now did i say to stop at the shop. My fault lol. Next time walk the dog in a different direction to the shop.

Yes the 1ish craving is different. My craving would start at 4ish before i finished work and nag at me all the way home. How the hell i did not drive to the bottleshop is beyond me. It never stopped some days and looking at tv shows, billboard ads, magazines just made me want al more. It was everywhere. I actually kept 1/2 a bottle of wine in the fridge to see if i would touch it and i kept looking at it and thought "what the hell is half a bottle going to do" and it was my daughters also. Willpower Rox.

You have not let me down, i am here to help you, keep doing it and you will. You need a plan for the weekend as we all know that is the hardest to get through and its so not an excuse to drink and celebrate.

i have no hot water and god it was horrendous having a cold shower and it is 32 degrees. they say things come in threes so wonder what is next.