If not for the fact that I had a kid

[Guest]

I don't think I'd care that I drink a bottle of wine each day. DS is at Grandpa's for the week and I feel safer about drinking. I am just thinking if I didn't have him....what difference would it make?

I am a "high functioning problem drinker." I get up in the morning, go to work, do a good job, make plenty of money...no one suspects I drink a bottle of wine every night.
I am an INFJ on Meyer's Briggs so I don't like to socialize. I hate being alone all the time though.

But the fact is that I do have a son and he'll be home next week. I am ready to do a fourth try of Topa because it worked great for wine cravings but dopa was terrible. I keep thinking if I try enough times the dopa will go away.

I'll probably be sorry I posted this tomorrow. I've only had a couple glasses of wine though.

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

hya maggie,

don't be sorry about posting, my first impression of your post was that (forgive me here) in some kind of way you wish your son wasn't around as much so you could drink freely and not have to worry about him. but in your own words, the fact is you do have a son and, at the end of the day you have to do everything you can to make his life better and if that means cutting down on your drinking then i suppose it has to be done. your son is the main thing in your life i suppose.i understand what you are saying though.keep trying.

i wish you the best of luck with your next course of topa.take care. lj. x

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

I suppose it did sound like that but that is not what I meant. My son has never been away from me until now. I adore him. I would give up my Chardonnay or anything for him. Thanks for responding.

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

Hi Maggie,

I am trying another round with topa also with hopes of beating the dopa affect as well as the insomnia. I am trying some new things. Would you like to join us in the July Moderation. I seem to talk alot about it there. It's not too late. We don't have a moderator/leader so we just all pop on when we can.

In short -- I am taking my doses at night. Have had some glitches but almost smoothed out...I think it will work...let me know if you want to talk more detail Chrysa

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

i know maggie i'm sorry, i didn't mean to imply that you don't adore your son, of course you do. take my words with a pinch of salt! maybe its my own personal experiences rearing their ugly head there!

best wishes again, lj.

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

I just feel the need to clarify my first post in this thread....It hit me last night after eating and drinking freely for the past few evenings that if not for my son, I'd be even worse off with the wine.

Having to be a responsible mom does limit some of the blatent thougtless indulgence and the "who cares what happens to my liver" kind of thinking. It is surely not because I wish I didn't have my son so I could indulge more. I went through an infertility process to have him. I am trying my fourth round of Topa starting today.

Anyway.....my initial post was worded thoughtlessly.

Maggie

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

hi maggie,

again i wan't to apologise, it was my post that was worded thoughtlessly. i was looking at it from the wrong perspective.

sorry! my big mouth strikes again! lj.

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

Hi Maggie,
I'm new here too...and a mom...and trying to do the best I can. I know exactly what you mean when you express your thoughts on not really worrying about yourself but for the sake of your son. However---I think that's part of our problem....maybe?? We do need to care about ourselves and want to take care of ourselves. I've woken up in the mornings with my head throbbing and I swear my liver aching...not a good feeling. I want to have those 2 glasses of wine and reward myself with feeling great in the morning and being able to spend that quality time with my kids. By the way, I'm only on my 3rd day of topa of 50mg. and what are you experiencing as far as the best time of day to take it??
Thanks ya'll.
sm

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

www.crazymeds.org/topamax.html

Maggie,
Quick note. Decided I need to figure out how to live with side effects -- that I have a disease, topa is my med, I have to take it . Then -- I think the universe heard me & I ran into the website above.

So I am taking the doasage at night. Just started this week. That fixes the insomnia for sure. And seemed to fix the topa-dopa during day. Now -- I made mistake -- I think -- I drank before taking the topa -- & felt extremely drugged (beyond dopey) the next day -- BUT I had also taken melatonin...so one MUST be careful. I am also thinking of when I go to 50mg actually taking both pills at about 4-5PM. If I do 1 at 4pm & 1 at say 3AM I am afraid I will wake up grogged.

I am still not regulated yet -- since that severe groggy day Thurs & have stayed up until 2AM 2 days. But I think today may work. I will let you know.

I have to be able to work also -- I am a consultant. In addition -- the dopey feeling makes me extremely depressed.

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

Re: If not for the fact that I had a kid, ISTP here

Hi Maggie,
I am an ISTP. It is cool to find another Meyers Briggs advocate.
I, like you, work every day, make decent money, look successful and yet drink every day. Later this month I will post my drinking diary that I have kept since July 2005.
Hang on with the rest of us. This is a journey.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

Hi Maggie,
Yes I too am a mom. I have an absolutely wonderful, kind, intelligent and talented daughter. The last time she was visiting I noticed her alcohol comsumption. It was very disturbing. But, heh, she wants to be just like me and I can hold my liquor. Well, that did it. I cried all day and hit the internet in absolute desperation. I don't know what I was looking for as I already knew, what I am. I was a functioning alcoholic - hard liquor only. Career, friends, family and all the other junk. Nobody suspected me to have a problem.
And then bingo, last Sunday I found all of you and am now enjoying my 6th day of sobiety. It's getting easier by the day. Have lost 2 pounds. This weekend will be my first hurdle. Have to go to a soccer party. Have not yet reached a decision if I will take a drink or not. I'll deal with that when I get there. My friends will respect me if I decline. So wish me all good luck and my thought are with you. At this point I am more worried of the future drinking habits of my daughter than I am worried for me.
Lori

[Guest]

If not for the fact that I had a kid

Thank you for all replies. I so appreciate hearing everyone's stories and experiences with dealing with this issue.

Today I took 50 of Topa at 10 and again at 2. I know...I probably should have started slower but remember this is my fourth try so I've started slower and I've also tried 100 mg at 10 PM after drinking too much wine.

I know that less than 100 mg does nothing as far as reducing wine craving but still makes me dopey. Tomorrow my plan is to take 100 mg at 2:30 PM. I have to take it well before wine o clock which is 4 PM on the week ends. When I took the 100 mg at bedtime after drinking that evening I was dopey but still wanted my wine the next evening. I mean I still really wanted it as if I hadn't taken any topa at all. Ugh....