Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

[big mo]

I simply cannot stop drinking, I have tried everything over the last number of years but always end up back to square 1, I have been on and off this site many times, been to doctors and community addictions numerous times, been to AA where i got 10 months sober about 2 years ago, I was in rehab last August but left after 2 weeks, The biggest problem is i have Cardiomyapathy caused by al and the doctor told me if i keep drinking its a death sentence but i can't stop. I havn't been to AA since i left rehab and use every excuse not to go back, I am a daily drinker , well about 5 nights a week, but its a bottle of vodka each time and my routine is waken up feeling s**t and promising i am gonna ring a member of AA, I promise myself and my wife i am going back to AA but as the day progresses and my head clears i start with the old excuses, It will never happen to me (dying), I'm not the same as them people in AA, i never drank in the mornings, i never lost my driving license, my wife hasn't left me, can't stand them people in AA All the yets they talk of in AA . I know people reading this will say i got 10 months sober before but i just can't get my head back to that thinking. Main problem is i tell myself i will worry about it tomorrow and that justifies me having a drink today problem is this cycle continues every day AAAGGGHHH really need to get this under control. Thanks for reading.

[roxane]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

hi big mo, welcome to MWO.

i didnt want to read and run as i can hear your desperation.

there is a sticky in monthly abstinence called the toolbox. i find it a great help though i havent read all of them. i read with a notepad and wrote down pertinent posts to me, everyone is different.

read and read. and not just the toolbox.

im sure others will come along to help more than i can.

[vynan]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

Hey Big Mo,

From what I am hearing, you are on a path of destroying yourself. You may or may not like AA, Rehab may or may not work, Advises etc...but what you need to underline is the fact that its irrational to end your life with alcohol especially when you know it.
Find a reason to live and quit....normally no one in this site puts it this way but- Take a call man, what is important
1. your life or alcohol
2. who the F&#& is in control here you or the bottle
3. A bottle of vodka when you know it is killing you does NOT make you better than anyone in AA

Get some help from a doctor if you are prone to withdrawal and QUIT the drink. You don't need a genius to tell you this

Vy

[Nelz]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

Mo, sounds like you are in the same boat as most of us...give or take a level higher or lower.

I know what you mean thinking that it simply cant be done, but I can assure you, it IS possible to rid yourself of AL

It may seem even scary to imagine life without it. But try just for a moment to fantasize about how nice it would be to wake up everyday with a clear head...no hangover....more money in your pocket not wasted on booze, and the ability to hold your head up high.

It will take some real work, and sacrifice, but, when "you" are ready to quit....you will. And it would seem given your health condition, sooner would be better than later.

Good luck and much strength

[available]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

Hi Mo, we can all do the pity party on ourselves but if we truly want to give up al or try then we will. I never thought i could give up drinking my 2 bottles a night, 7 nights a week but i did as i value my life and i value my children who would be devastated if i killed myself with al which was where i was headed. they gave me a reason to live and now i want to also.

It does not sound as if AA is for you, everyone is different in what support networks they have in place. I have MWO and have found some wonderful supportive, funny, caring cyber support on here. They understand and they care, they are always here with a kind word of support and love.

You are not alone in your struggle with al but if you really in your heart and mind want to at least try and give up you will. If you think you cant you certainly wont and only you can start this journey and we can only help you if you decide to.

I hope i dont seem harsh in my words but it makes me sad and mad that you are really killing yourself and are adamant that you cant give up. My brother died of liver disease, in the end he wanted to live very much but it was too late for him, dont make it too late for you. There may not be a tomorrow to try and give up.

Take care and please try stopping.

[little beagle]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

There are many people on this site who will support you quitting. I am one.
Keep trying one day at a time. Just don't drink today. That's how many here start. Keep looking for that switch and don't give up. If you fail the first time, get right back in there. Many people have succeeded here doing just that.

[j-vo]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

Hi Mo,
I have seen people close to me die of alcoholic cirrhosis, and two of them are living with the disease for the rest of their lives. Read as much as you can, watch as many documentaries as you can. Here's a documentary that I just watched yesterday. It's on youtube.

Alcohol Will Kill You - Full Documentary [UNDISPUTED TRUTH]

[Dottie Belle]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

Welcome Mo. So many folks here to support you. We all can relate to your story...someone mentioned the toolbox and the link is below my signature and a place for newbies to hang out and get support...this is possible. Look around at all the folks here and ask for support if you need it...it is doable!!

[Kradle123]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

Hi Mo and Welcome :welcome:

I think you might really benefit from watching the documentarys RAIN IN MY HEART which I believe you can find at the start of the general discussion page or just do the search....your post is very similar to some of the folks struggling there.
Stay close. :l

[kuya]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

big mo;1619990 wrote: I simply cannot stop drinking, I have tried everything over the last number of years but always end up back to square 1, I have been on and off this site many times, been to doctors and community addictions numerous times, been to AA where i got 10 months sober about 2 years ago, I was in rehab last August but left after 2 weeks, The biggest problem is i have Cardiomyapathy caused by al and the doctor told me if i keep drinking its a death sentence but i can't stop. I havn't been to AA since i left rehab and use every excuse not to go back, I am a daily drinker , well about 5 nights a week, but its a bottle of vodka each time and my routine is waken up feeling s**t and promising i am gonna ring a member of AA, I promise myself and my wife i am going back to AA but as the day progresses and my head clears i start with the old excuses, It will never happen to me (dying), I'm not the same as them people in AA, i never drank in the mornings, i never lost my driving license, my wife hasn't left me, can't stand them people in AA All the yets they talk of in AA . I know people reading this will say i got 10 months sober before but i just can't get my head back to that thinking. Main problem is i tell myself i will worry about it tomorrow and that justifies me having a drink today problem is this cycle continues every day AAAGGGHHH really need to get this under control. Thanks for reading.

I am going to read between the lines a little. This is a serious question, not asked to shock or challenge you but to clear it out of the way........... On a certain level do you actually WANT to die?

[Alky]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

Mo, I completely understand where you're coming from. It's amazing watching the television series Intervention that the addicts themselves are the ones that are usually the least worried about their situation. I know I was in the same situation. Addiction wouldn't be a problem if we could rationally control it, but addiction by it's very nature is irrational.

Since you haven't mentioned it, I'm assuming you've never tried a pharmacological approach to ending your addiction. Might be something to discuss with a doctor and consider.

[MossRose]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

Hi Mo and welcome. Just want to let you know that you have been heard and understood. We'll stand by your side through it all, but you must stop saying "can't." It scares me to hear you say that. Your life is at risk. You are obviously loved (wife, children?). That's something to hold on to, right? And now, you have us. So time to start thinking that you CAN. Because you can.

As Avail said, many of us here either have health issues from drinking or have loved ones who have died or are still struggling. I have a brother who drank his life away - except he's still alive - but Mo, just barely. I've watched him suffer through coma after coma - septic shock, pancreatitis, electrolyte imbalance. He pulled through, but his quality of life is awful now. Unfortunately, it's awful for all of us who love him too. He doesn't drink anymore, but the damage is done. He has hurt not only his body, but his mind. He used to be super funny and sharp. What a different person he is now. And his long-time GF has become a caretaker. Not a pleasant situation for anyone.

No lectures - I am an alcoholic too, so I know how hard it is to get your mind straight about giving up AL. But if death doesn't scare you, think about being totally disabled by AL. It can happen. My brother is living proof. Please don't let that be your destiny. Lean on us. You can do this!

[SKendall]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

You absolutely CANdo this, You have the most amazing support on this forum, so go for it.

[DriftyAlison0]

Want to stop but can't, It's killing me

If you don't believe in yourself it will be difficult if not impossible to quit drinking. You can do this. Just take it ODAAT and do find a program that works for you. If God forbid you fail then get back on and try again the next day.

You can live without AL. Its not easy, but its worth it.