Sober February!

[bkyogagurl]

Sober February!

Hey guys- I don't know how to put it.. I failed... I'm a loser.., I screwed up.

Yep drank last night after all this time off and to top it off I did NOT take my Nal which is a big mistake as I don't want to go backward. I had such a horrible hangover today that it may prevent me from ever wanting to drink again. I hope.
I was really hard on myself today and felt really bad. We went to dinner with a couple who drink heavily and it was their anniversary so I did not feel like being sober. So I got trashed.

[spuddleduck]

Sober February!

bky-another way of looking at things is that you have done really well to only drink once in 2014. its kinda good that you had a stinky hangover to remind yourself of why you are much happier af. you have beaten yourself up about it, now just get back on 'the horse' and carry on with your af February. im sure one slip without nal wont set you back too much but do try and keep it with you at all times... just in case (though im sure you wont) you decide to drink.

[Pavati]

Sober February!

Hi, BK--

I'm sorry about your drinking. Did you think about what happened so that you can try to avoid that again? In reading about relapse I have found that they talk about the mental relapse coming before the physical one - you stopped posting on this thread much (I haven't read your journal in a while - were you posting there?). Was that taking a step back on your road to drinking? We're here for you if you need to post! I hope you hop back on the wagon and join us for the rest of Feb. sober, and onward to March!

Feb. 18! Only 11 days to a sober Feb. We got this!

[skullbabyland]

Sober February!

BK- remember that being kind to ourselves after we stumble or fall is part of the recovery. Time to pick yourself back up! Verily, Duck speaketh true- one drinking night in a couple months is great progress.

I recently had thoughts on relapse creeping back in... danger zone... I'm going to write about it in my progress thread.

Sorry you had a shitty shitty hangover but glad you're back posting Stick around, we missed ya buddy!

[Yourfriend6116]

Sober February!

Hey BK! I've been thinking of you. If it makes you feel any better, I also drank on Feb 8 and then again on the 14th. GRRRR.. I also had the WORSE hangovers. I was totally beating myself up, too, but it wasn't helping anything. Posting here and getting back to the support system here has helped. Plus like Duck and skull said--we've gone over a month and slipped once. That's a bigger deal than one slip up, in my book. Glad you reached out!

[bkyogagurl]

Sober February!

You all are absolutely right!

I actually made my goal of 31 day plus I made it for another 15 day for a totally of 46 AF days.
That is a miracle. So in all honesty I made the 31 days I promised but did not press for another goal to set. I did say I was continuing on thru Feb. but it was almost in the back of mind to try drinking again.
So weird how the mind works.

I am setting an official goal of AF from now until July 1. We have a big get together with all of our friends the week of the 4th so I think this will be a realistic goal but I am promising everyone right now that I will take my Nal if I choose to drink then.

Pav- yes I have thought about what spurred me to drink.. I think you have something with mental relapse happening before the physical one. I find that when I am not drinking I'm dealing with food issues and have been digging deep into myself to find out what triggers my cravings and it's really tough dealing with some of the deep seeded issues I have from childhood. I have a lot of self worthlessness and hurt that comes up and when you aren't drinking it gives you time to feel those feelings and deal with them... But it doesn't make it any easier to do so.. Gotta feel them and try to understand them.

Yourfriend- thanks for sharing your stuff somehow it makes me feel normal when I hear that someone else slips. You are definitely right that we should focus on the days without AL rather than wallow in disgust for ourselves as it does no service.

Skull.. Sorry I kinda went MIA I did lurk a bit but was avoiding being here for some reason. I felt like I didn't want to spend the time posting about the AL I wasn't going to drink. A little selfish maybe.
I have read that relapse is part of recovery I just don't quite understand the mechanics of it.

Well I think had I taken my Nal I would be feeling better but because I decided not to do so it makes me feel worse.
I will try to be kind to myself and love who I am. It's hard.


Message to self:
A word on miracles...

don't let those that have not yet transpired, blind you to those that have.

It really fouls things up.

[halo]

Sober February!

Keep up the great self reflection BK and rememebr you may have fallen down but you are not down and out. Glad to hear you have a new AF goal and staying on the MWO is a way to help you achieve that goal. I have slipped and fallen but they are far apart and do not affect my life so horribly as when I didn't have an AF plan. Don't beat yourself up, just keep trying.... :l

[tree23]

Sober February!

Hello Everyone,
BK sorry to hear that you slipped but think of the difference of a slip now and usual life before AF and MWO.
Haven't been on much because I had my sister-in-law and my two nieces here this past weekend. It was crazy and go go go. I was soo exhausted. I have been a little more depressed the past couple of days, with Valentines day and then all the stuff this weekend. My sister and I were supposed to sign up for this tupper-ware like business but with skirts...I didn't do it quick enough and then my sister in law was coming down to do two shows..anyway, I lost out on that opportunity so my sister got all the attention; none of my friends showed up for the shows...and my little-ist niece doesn't like me. Anyway, still staying strong with AF. I actually didn't like being around everyone drinking for the shows...but it was fun to be able to hang out with my sister in law (who had had a couple glasses of wine) and not have any myself. I can still be goofy without the AL help.
Still working on the house purchase. We have the inspection tomorrow. Found out that the seller is bat shit crazy and doesn't want to take any financial responsibility for a roof assessment. I am worried that she won't fix the broken toilet etc. but I have to wait to see what happens. Unfortunately in my town there are so few choices. Anyway, have to go pick up the roommie from the airport. Hope you all stay well!

[skullbabyland]

Sober February!

BK, thanks for the comment about miracles, I really like that. I will try to remember that... glad you are picking yourself back up and renewing your commitment to sobriety. Remember that brutal hangover when drinking thoughts return (as they do for all of us), and how sick in your body, mind, and soul you feel after drinking... And remember that not drinking is the way by which all good things are possible for us.

Tree, sorry to hear of the tough days recently... Good on you for keeping sober through these challenging days, and good luck to you on the house!

Pav, Halo, everyone else on the thread- hope you're all well today. Take care of yourselves and remember to protect your quit!

[bkyogagurl]

Sober February!

Hey tree- thanks for your kind words and I am looking in that exact light.. One slip in 46 days but really it will be 1 slip in 6 months when I'm done with my next goal.
Sorry you had a rough go with the show dealio.. But so proud you could be around people and not drink. It's hard for me.

Skull- yep I will remember this beotch I think forever. I dint know if the universe was sending me a message or what. HA! I will be back to training tomorrow.

[free at last]

Sober February!

Greetings from the Paris airport where I am enroute to home. Happy to report that while this trip was quite stressful, it was completely AF.

BKY, I think the reflection you are doing is important to the process of transformation. Nothing can take away from the fact that you achieved so many AF days. The issue is to keep going with this journey.

Will probably be offline for a couple of days while I recover from jetlag and re-entry into USA culture.

[bkyogagurl]

Sober February!

Free- I think you are right. I think the reflection is part of the progress.. But when you are in the midst of beating yourself up its hard to look at it that way...

How fun traveling all over huh?

[skullbabyland]

Sober February!

Free, congrats on getting through a challenging trip and not having alcohol! I find that quite impressive. Welcome back stateside.

[free at last]

Sober February!

Thanks, all. Mission accomplished with regard to no alcohol.

BKY, I hope I don't sound jaded, but travel for work (twice a month for two years) is work, it's often lonely, alcohol is ever-present, and the cultural schisms can sometimes be extremely great. It's rewarding and challenging. Fun? No, that is a walk in the woods with my dog. Keep up the good work on logging AF days.

Now to unpack, laundry, write reports, reconnect with family and friends, and get some regular exercise

[bkyogagurl]

Sober February!

Free- no sounding jaded to me.. Funny how the grass always looks greener from the other side of the fence.. I'm glad you are back. Traveling seems neat but I bet for work it's different ball game.
I hope you get your walk in the woods with your dog.. I love mine. All 3 of them.