Sober February!

[Bastet]

Sober February!

Bkgirl, I think you are very smart to set an AF date for July 1st. I am somewhat conflicted about counting days. I'm curious, and please excuse me if this is too personal, did you have a slip right at 120 days or was it random? I am trying to figure out if a definite number of days or a date could set me up for a fall. However I am definitely not at the place where I can say never and feel comfortable. Last time I did 30 days and drank on the 31st. This time I said 100 but maybe don't want to count anymore and just go along being AF. I'm at 39 today so I have awhile but I am longer than last time.

[bkyogagurl]

Sober February!

Bastet- it was random... Cruising along at 46 days & a trigger I am well aware came up and I pulled it.
Ya know I really think you have something with not counting days... I have often thought about just being AF for as long as I can.. Sometimes I feel the goal mark sets me up for the feeling of being a failure if I don't succeed... Kinda reminds me of AA... Because I feel that all the AF days we choose should always be celebrated and acknowledged.

But... Sometimes I think a goal is nice too because it gives your mind a break from wondering if it will drink today because you have set a goal, drinking is taken off the table so to speak...
The very difficult thing is... Life... Life happens and we have to deal with our deep seeded emotions and that we try to hide away from others... Maybe only sharing here. Finding and acknowledging triggers is a toughie for me but another mechanic of my beast.
The every day stresses that find us thinking about the bottle and a place to escape.
I think this is key to sobriety. Finding a way to feel those feelings or share them instead of avoiding them as I am famous for.

Whoa... Hope I didn't get to deep.

Great job on 39!!! I am back on track for the rest of February and with my goal in place should be good for awhile... I have no desire to drink anymore. I just have to learn to deal with triggers. Next step in my progression right! I do feel I keep making progress thru these lumps I take.

Keep on truckin'

[spiritwolf333]

Sober February!

Rut-ro. Skull, I really like this thread. I may be a day late and a dollar short in jumping in -but, here I am. It has been a hell-uv-a-tester month for me, so for me, I am just glad I am here and getting to read other posts. Aquarians help keep order for us all.

[spiritwolf333]

Sober February!

bkyogagurl;1628244 wrote: Hey guys- I don't know how to put it.. I failed... I'm a loser.., I screwed up.

Yep drank last night after all this time off and to top it off I did NOT take my Nal which is a big mistake as I don't want to go backward. I had such a horrible hangover today that it may prevent me from ever wanting to drink again. I hope.
I was really hard on myself today and felt really bad. We went to dinner with a couple who drink heavily and it was their anniversary so I did not feel like being sober. So I got trashed.

Hi bky -this was "Rut-ro" for you as you say. I know you already know that we all have them. Recent posts suggest you are doing much better and I am glad for you.

And wow, do I remember the days way back when -when I got so drunk the night before and just knew that I would never want to feel that way again. But before I knew what was going on, I would drink again. LOL. Alcohol truly is cunning and baffling and I hate those terms.

[bkyogagurl]

Sober February!

Hey Spirit-

Glad to see you hear. I enjoy your posts.. Thanks for the shout out.. And understanding.
Yep... I hate those terms too. I gotta believe someday I will actually think about that BEFORE drinking.

[skullbabyland]

Sober February!

Spirit- glad you're jumping here. I've really been enjoying your Gratitude-30 days challenge thread. Sorry to hear that this month has been really tough... please don't hesitate to tell us what's going on if you feel like talking it out. Either way, wishing you good luck right now...

I thought I'd jump in on BK and Bastet's comments about counting days. I totally get why it turns some people off, but I'd really encourage its use, for a while at least, during early sobriety. My thought process on this is--

In most other pursuits, be it business goals, sales quotas, sports training, nutrition (ex, 30 days clean eating) etc, setting goals and quanitfying your progress while on the road to realizing those goals is crucial. Well, what's more crucial to us drunkies than sobriety? I'm a day-counter not because of some dogmatic, AA, twelve step stuff, but because it really helps me when I see those days racking up and I feel pride when I reach a new milestone. It helps me to keep focus on my 30-day goals. (I set my goals in chunks of 30 days, that seems do-able to me and not too overwhelming to commit to).

On the flipside, (with the disclaimer that this is certainly not for everyone, but just some) the absence of goals and of quantifying one's progress while achieving them can lead to murky thinking, since it can be hard to know quite where you're at or how close you are to a milestone. I find saying "I just hit 60 days, today is day 63 and I'm now working towards 90" to be a much stronger place to operate than "somewhere around a couple months, but not sure... and not sure how long I'll keep going. Long as I can". The latter is murkier and for me, would be a weaker standpoint, and historically lead me back to relapse much quicker.

There's also the added benefit to counting days that it's just plain fun to check in with the various Roll Call threads here on MWO, which have lots of supportive people on them, and it provides a sense of encouragement and pride, since the days really can rack up quickly.

It should be said that, if a relapse occurs, it's best to be gentle and good to ourselves, learn from it best we can, and get back on the horse. When you think about it, that's really the only way to proceed positively. Getting too self hating, self shaming, derailed and just saying "screw it" or blaming the pressure of counting days isn't productive.

Again-- this is just my findings-- I know counting days ins't for everyone, but just thought I'd share why I find it to be much more powerful.

EDIT- related to this, I find the one-year-sober success posts from various members very inspiring and hope/plan to do my own. I think counting days is a strong way to lead to this.

[spiritwolf333]

Sober February!

Skull -day counting seems to always be an issue at some point for all alkies -in some way.

I posted on another of your threads and I will say it again here -now:

You will NOT find one real alcoholic that has not or does not count days or time since they last drank. Period. End of story. Now, what you will find is/are people who are reluctant to say how much time they have; aa negative influence, self reliance games, etc.

If you are working towards quitting alcohol use, it is important to recognize you time and effort; otherwise, ego starts to screw with you and you might end up right back where you started from.

[Pavati]

Sober February!

Hi, Everyone:

I'm back from a short vacation - I did have a moment of a pity party for myself. Some friends were vacationing in the same town and invited us down to their place for a drink. I was frustrated - no, I CAN'T have a drink. Not even one beer. Not even in this beautiful weather on this beautiful porch. Boo hoo. I feel so much better now, and am SO happy that I didn't drink, and the rest of my vacation was amazing, and I am grateful to be living a life free from the kind of regret that alcohol would bring. Phew.

BK - really, don't beat yourself up - I hope you are feeling better and I'm glad you hear you're on track.

Free - all of that travel sounds tiring, but it sounds like you are doing something very important for global welfare - I a

Welcome here, SpiritWolf - I love your gratitude thread, too. I wanted to comment on your regret post, but NoSugar took the words right out of my mouth. I'm happy to see you here, sorry you're struggling, and hope you feel better soon. How long are you sober? I hit about a three week struggle at about 50 days - it sucked but I came through it ok.

As for counting and setting goals - I like the idea of a goal, but I hear you Bastet. If I set a goal for 90 days, I am sure I would drink at 91. I know that I will not (cannot) drink again, and that does get overwhelming, so I really appreciate the idea of one day at a time. I can certainly stay sober TODAY. However, I am a counter, and I agree with you, Skull, that celebration of time sober is an important part of this process for me. It seems to vague, otherwise. I have a feeling that days will get more muddled later, but I probably will always at least check in on Jackie Claire's Super Sunday Sober Shoutout - a weekly counting thread. Staying focused on staying sober seems to be an important part of avoiding relapse (in my voracious reading of the subject), so I think I will always have a connection here of some sort. It can't be to the degree it is - I think that is unsustainable.

My 2 cents on the topic. Good to be back and catch up with you all.

Happy Sober Feb. 21 (Day 82).

[Bastet]

Sober February!

Skull and Spirit - thanks for weighing in on the "counting days" discussion. I can totally see your points in favor of counting and Spirit you are probably right that even if I don't write them down I will know. This is really only the third time I have abstained for any length of time and both of the others were for a finite time and I knew I would go back to it. I felt like I was counting down the days. My motivation for not counting this time was to see if I can get into an AF zone where I am a non drinker. My original goal is set at 100, way longer than I have gone before - I am at 40, but I am unsure as to what I will do then. I know the 100 days will be finished near the end of April so I just thought I will stay AF until then and not really think about it. Of course that can always change and I will probably still post for the milestones but who knows - day by day right?
Skull you mentioned something about multiple roll calls, the only one I know about is on the newbie thread, are there others?

[skullbabyland]

Sober February!

Bastet- I think there are other rollcalls- like monthly moderation/abstinence, 100 day club, etc. For me I just post my days on the Newbie's Nest Roll Call, and I recently joined the 100 day club. There are a couple other non-booze-related ones that I post on, such as Tobacco/Cigarette-Free and also Sugar-Free.

Wolf Man- thanks as always for the insightful thoughts. Hope you're doing well buddy~!

Pav- great job on keeping AF through your vacation- I know all too well the pity party when I am the only one not partaking, and the party would be "so much more fun" if I did... of course, in reality, I'd be ruining a piece of the vacation for myself if I indulged since I'd be sick as a dog the following day or two. I bet you're glad now that you didn't partake, huh? Well done!

[Pavati]

Sober February!

Hi, Februaries --

Just five short days and we're through with month number two in 2014. As I age I don't relish the days flying by, but it does look good to rack up the AF days.

I felt a bit sorry for myself this weekend, but tonight I feel very good. I am back to work tomorrow, which I like (I actually like my job and structure, as much as I like vacation - retirement will be hard for me, but it is not for a while...) I had a massage this afternoon (!) and cooked a delicious dinner (not high on the healthy scale, but not too low either). And now I am tucking in with a good book, clean sheets, and gratitude to be ending a vacation with no regret, feeling well rested and happily alcohol free. You're right, Skull - drinking would have ruined a part of the vacation for me.

Good night, all.

[free at last]

Sober February!

Hi all,
A quick check in from me. I am taking an intensive yoga training class -- so not much internet time. Amazing that when I eat three good meals a day, exercise a ton, sleep 8 hours a night, and meditate for even 15 minutes no thoughts of AL enter my brain. It feels SOOOOOOO good.
Warmest,

[spiritwolf333]

Sober February!

As I read this thread, I become more aware of just how great the small things are that help us every day. It is not "big" things that make most of us happy -right?

[Pavati]

Sober February!

Free - your life sounds so interesting. A yoga training class sounds great. I remember when I was a kid my mom's friend went to a "fat farm" to loose weight - something like that sounds delicious to me. Someone cooking me healthy food, exercise, sleep, no other responsibilities. I'm not saying that's your life, but the idea of intensive yoga training made me think of it.

Yes, Spirit, it is the little things.

Have great nights, all.

[Bastet]

Sober February!

Pavati, I have always wanted to go to a place where they feed you, exercise you, help you meditate and still there is time for massage and facials. The one problem with them (besides finding the money to pay for it) would be sneaking in the alcohol and covering it up. I guess now I wouldn't have that problem and could just enjoy all aspects of it.