Moments of clarity

[Anonygurl]

I finally stopped lurking and registered here. Not nearly as painful as I built it up to be. I'm new here, but I've been taking baclofen for about 3 months. I got to baclofen in a weird meandering way. It had been suggested on an arachnoid cyst website and then someone brought it up again on a Kratom website. I'd taken phenibut some time ago in one of my desperate attempts to throw everything but the kitchen sink at my depression. I didn't find phenibut to be very helpful, but baclofen had been thrown around in the things I read about that as well. So I decided to ask my doctor. We had already tried 2 different muscle relaxers so it wasn't a hard sell. Of course she started me at 2x10mg and of course being the alcoholic/addict that I am I figured if 1 was good 10 would be great. That made me terribly sick. I played around for a bit and then stopped taking it. As I had been researching it this website came up. Which was interesting and all, but I wasn't really looking to stop drinking. I mean I was every night at 3 am when I woke up and thought back at my evening and the chaos I had put everyone through.

[available]

Moments of clarity

Anon hello and welcome

I dont take bac so no help there i am afraid. It does sound like you are going through withdrawals though with your comments on your last paragraph and that is good right? Being sober and being in the "now" is a very enlightening i must say and doing it daily is a triple bonus with trying to give up al. Be proud of each and every sober day you have.

i loved your comment on your hubs thinkng you were "fucking nuts". My children thought i definitely was when i was drinking, from happy to manic all in 2.3 seconds. Have you told him how much you drink Support is the best tool to have when stopping al and being on here daily.

Head over the the Newbies Nest, you will find lots of new MWO'ers in their early days like you and what we call our "mothers" who have been there and done that and made it to the other side.

Keep being determined in this journey of giving up al, it definitely has not done my any favours over the 20+ years of drinking.

Take care x

[kronkcarr]

Moments of clarity

Hey,

I've been on bac over a year and I had those moments of clarity in my first few months too. Enjoy them. I took my bac per my script and didn't supplement with other drugs of my choice. There are many conversations on the meds threads about timing of doses and I'm not sure that accounts for your insights. I took my bac spread out evenly and still had those feelings. My thought is bac works best when taken steadily.

One thing I've realized is that I loved bac because it took me out of this world. I likened it to being on acid. I understood and appreciated everything in the world. I also had awarenesses about past hurts that came to me so gently. AND it absolutely took my thinking about alcohol and my anxiety away. But I was still not wanting to deal with my life.

I think any of us who escape through drink love to feel happy and alive--much like you did when you started bac this time. I found the lulls in life difficult to get through. I'm getting better at living through the ups and downs and the times nothing seems to be happening in life.

You mention your "alcoholic/addict" nature. I understand what you're saying and I see it with your relationship with baclofen. Do you?

[Anonygurl]

Moments of clarity

So did the baclofen eventually stop giving you those moments of clarity and wonder? I understand about not wanting to deal with your problems I've been there. This time It's more of a wanting it all too quickly. Forgetting that I need to keep balanced, put one foot in front of the other and get there healthy. Probably need to look into it as a more holistic approach rather than a magic bullet huh? Yes I do see my addict nature coming out with the baclofen now that you point it out. I guess I had been thinking of it as a perfect solution that would fix everything. Damn. Thanks for that. I guess right now I need to just slow down and take action but remember time takes time. I feel like a horse being let out of the gate. I want to run the race and I want to do it now. Maybe I should just enjoy the trip because when it's done. It's done.

Thanks for that. Very helpful

[kronkcarr]

Moments of clarity

I think it was around my fourth month on bac when I noticed I wasn't getting so many insights and moments of wonder. Then I became unmotivated. For me there were cycles with baclofen as I titrated up. I'm not sure if the insights stopped or if I got caught back up in life and wasn't mindful enough to notice them.

I understand wanting it now. I had a compulsiveness and a more is better attitude about much in my life. Baclofen eased that too.

Because of my doctor I went up slowly. I had 1-2 drinks every couple of weeks with friends, never got drunk and never drank alone (my MO). Only once did I have the urge to drink alone and I fought it. It worked for me. Hang in there and keep posting.

[spiritwolf333]

Moments of clarity

Kronk is right. However, I would like to also suggest that just being alcohol free for even a brief amount of time can many times open all kinds of windows to clarity. It can almost be overwhelming; like, who is this inside me now having all these great-interesting-promising ideas. Who knows? Baclofen sure helps me in my life to this day -but being alcohol free is the greatest gift.