300 days ago my life was in shambles. I am an Alcoholic. And when I drink, I lose my judgement and my ability to say no. I agree to things I would never dream of sober. Like smoking crack with my hubby. Writing checks I can never cover. Driving into dangerous situations. Just screwing my life up with total abandon.
I woke up 300 days ago and decided bottom line, the time had come. I was doing whatever it took to get back on track.
Not drinking was step number one.
I was looking for info on anabuse when up popped info for MWO. I checked it out. Best pop up I ever got.
Since I decided I would do anything to end this madness, following advice from people on MWO was a great first step. I read the toolbox, posted at least once a day and read constantly. I purchased Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol. I have read it through 2 times and reread as needed.
The first week, I was contacted by my buddy RIP557. He really pulled me through that first really rough month. Details are a little blurry of that first 30 days, but I persisted. Urge surfing, HALT, euphoric recall, kindling..... all these things became part of my vocabulary. And daily discipline.
My hubby was a big drinker and really still battling his drug demon the first 4 months of my quit. I spent huge chuncks of time alone. Doing jigsaw puzzles, cooking, gardening, making homemade jams...etc. I stayed busy. I have a go to when a huge craving hits me. I am not proud of it, but Dairy Queen saw me many Friday nights. The first 90 days were spent indulging myself with chocolate and good food, whatever I wanted but absolutely NO ALCOHOL!!!!! Yes I gained weight. Who cares when you glow and your hair and skin looks wonderful. After the 90 days, my appetite tapered off on the sugar.
Hubby joined me af about my 4th month. He uses anabuse. Not much, but just a little to still the mind chatter. Not one drink ever is both our mottos. My brain will never reconize a special day from a monday. Nor will I be able to stop after one.
These are truths that I have come to reconize and accept. Not easy.
I still get urges from that dick head. Just one it whispers, no I firmly say and turn my mind to aything else. Or I come here and read, I make a list of the things I am grateful for that my drinking has restored to me. My daughter, my sleep, my husband, my health. And I think of all the bad that drinking brought into my life that is absent. Soul crushing anxiety, shame of someone finding out our dirty little family secret, feeling totally alone...
Bottom line for me I will never regret not drinking. I will never begrudge the hour or so a day I spend here working on my issues, talking to friends, helping those I am able to, watching videos of how bad my life and health could become. This is like an intensive counseling course to me. In 10 months I have spent at a bare minimum 300 hours. It's like self-brainwashing for me. Alcohol-BAD, no alcohol- life is GOOD.
Everything is better without alcohol in my life. I am grateful everyday just to be alive again. I have a life again.
To those just starting out. Do not give up. Persist. Hang on by your fingertips if you have to until you can pull yourself up. Someone will say something that will make a difference, the sun will shine just right, or who knows what it will be for you, but I promise it will happen. Just do not give in and let alcohol wash your life away in a flood of regrets.
Live life. Look to the posative and not the negative. That is what I do every day.
I woke up 300 days ago and decided bottom line, the time had come. I was doing whatever it took to get back on track.
Not drinking was step number one.
I was looking for info on anabuse when up popped info for MWO. I checked it out. Best pop up I ever got.
Since I decided I would do anything to end this madness, following advice from people on MWO was a great first step. I read the toolbox, posted at least once a day and read constantly. I purchased Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol. I have read it through 2 times and reread as needed.
The first week, I was contacted by my buddy RIP557. He really pulled me through that first really rough month. Details are a little blurry of that first 30 days, but I persisted. Urge surfing, HALT, euphoric recall, kindling..... all these things became part of my vocabulary. And daily discipline.
My hubby was a big drinker and really still battling his drug demon the first 4 months of my quit. I spent huge chuncks of time alone. Doing jigsaw puzzles, cooking, gardening, making homemade jams...etc. I stayed busy. I have a go to when a huge craving hits me. I am not proud of it, but Dairy Queen saw me many Friday nights. The first 90 days were spent indulging myself with chocolate and good food, whatever I wanted but absolutely NO ALCOHOL!!!!! Yes I gained weight. Who cares when you glow and your hair and skin looks wonderful. After the 90 days, my appetite tapered off on the sugar.
Hubby joined me af about my 4th month. He uses anabuse. Not much, but just a little to still the mind chatter. Not one drink ever is both our mottos. My brain will never reconize a special day from a monday. Nor will I be able to stop after one.
These are truths that I have come to reconize and accept. Not easy.
I still get urges from that dick head. Just one it whispers, no I firmly say and turn my mind to aything else. Or I come here and read, I make a list of the things I am grateful for that my drinking has restored to me. My daughter, my sleep, my husband, my health. And I think of all the bad that drinking brought into my life that is absent. Soul crushing anxiety, shame of someone finding out our dirty little family secret, feeling totally alone...
Bottom line for me I will never regret not drinking. I will never begrudge the hour or so a day I spend here working on my issues, talking to friends, helping those I am able to, watching videos of how bad my life and health could become. This is like an intensive counseling course to me. In 10 months I have spent at a bare minimum 300 hours. It's like self-brainwashing for me. Alcohol-BAD, no alcohol- life is GOOD.
Everything is better without alcohol in my life. I am grateful everyday just to be alive again. I have a life again.
To those just starting out. Do not give up. Persist. Hang on by your fingertips if you have to until you can pull yourself up. Someone will say something that will make a difference, the sun will shine just right, or who knows what it will be for you, but I promise it will happen. Just do not give in and let alcohol wash your life away in a flood of regrets.
Live life. Look to the posative and not the negative. That is what I do every day.
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