How did you get to 6 months AF?

[Tavistock]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

Thank you to everyone here who posted. This thread is priceless! I've finally come to the point where if I don't stop today, I may never have that choice again.

I wound up in urgent care last Sunday because my throat and neck were swelling up. I was home alone and had to drive myself which apparently was a terrible idea and the doc informed me in no uncertain terms to never do that again.

I am a very allergic person and don't know yet what caused that reaction (2nd time in 2 years). I am going to an allergist on Tuesday. I cannot drink because I am home alone until next weekend when my youngest comes home from college for spring break. My fear is I will drink, pass out and my throat will close up. end of story.

I am latching onto this fear to keep me sober. I have a full bottle of wine that I am dumping out right now. I have 2 epi pens in case of emergency.

Day 1. I swear this will be the last day 1.

[spiderwoman]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

Hope you've managed to stay on track Tavistock.

I began the journey planning to stop for 90 day, to prove I could, chose to do it over a period to include Christmas and my birthday - then Byrdy asked me "what after the 90 days?" thought about it for a bit, good point, didn't really know what I had in mind after that time then realised I should be looking at the next 90 months and so on, realised life wasn't dreadful without wine, that I was saving money and that I'd finally got my blood pressure under control so despite a lot of peer pressure from my best friend stuck with it.

The fact that my life was in ruins due to the booze had a lot to do with all of the above.

My OH was on the point of walking out, kids had given up on me, financially and emotionally is was a mess but on the other hand the house was always clean and tidy, food in the cupboard and I was never even late for work let alone missed a day so I couldn't possibly have a problem with drink it was other things according the the al-brain.

Posting here, sleeping a lot, indulging myself when I felt like it got me through the early days then it started to be a way of life. Somewhere between 3 - 6 months an amazing sense of peace and calm arrived in my life, just sort of filtered in and I realised I could have a drink any time I wanted but I could also return to health, financial and personal problems with it which was the last thing I wanted to do. My best friend continued to drink in my company and the night she left my home leaving behind a bottle of wine with just one glassful in it I wondered, opened the bottle, sniffed at it and it smelt vile so just slung it into the recycling without emptying it. That was the day my OH realised I was serious and my life really picked up.

I can't remember the timescale for that but the improvement in quality of life and happiness just keeps going, its now about 15 months for me and they've been amazing.

[Guitarista]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

Hope you're okay Tavistock. How are you doing?

Thanks Spide. Great post.

Thanks everyone for your inspiring stories. Loving it. Keep 'em coming!

[spiritwolf333]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

This really is a great thread. It can be one of the most important reads for any person trying to gain their own freedom from alcohol. And not just reading this thread; I am talking about talking to those who traveled this "getting sober" road. My first attempt at becoming sober was so full of unknowns and how to-s that it was frustrating beyond belief. Even though my first attempt involved some "experts" who had recovered themselves, I found many mixed messages.

I will not go through my 14 years of attempting to become sober. Instead, I will offer a mix of my first attempt and what I hope has been my last attempt. My level of alcoholism in my final attempt was extreme. I was a non-stop beer drinker from sun up to each pass out. Alcohol use was not a choice for me.

Side note: I had a friend that always stood by a quote and that is: "Wolf, I know for a fact that I have got one more drunk/binge left in me; the problem is that I don't know if I have another recovery left in me."

First, I must say that I take baclofen as part of my sobriety program. After some time adjusting, it took away my cravings and it helped curtail my extreme anxiety. It was and is amazing for me, BUT, it is one of the many tools required -or at least that is the case for me.

My Experience:
The first week of abstinence:
First two days were never much of a problem (a few physical problems)
Third day was always a bitch. Mental craving was hell.
Fourth thru Seventh days quite challenging but started to see some day light

Days 7 thru 30 (estimated thoughts)
These days were always confusing and challenging. I had to find ways to try and divert my mind from the onslaught of constant mental cravings. Now with baclofen, the mental cravings were not near as brutal as they had been in times past. With baclofen, I somewhat felt like I was cheating the getting sober system. But still, the thoughts of alcohol persist.

For me, this first 30 days is considered the "gutting it out time". Its not easy, it is not fun; it is not suppose to be. If getting sober were easy, then I don't think that I ever would have required myself to become sober.


The months and days following the first 30/60 days. Most recovery periods after this time period of abstinence, I felt I was free and this was/is just not the case.

I believe it is in the post 30/60 day recovery period that one can truly find freedom, or just continue a temporary reprieve. And here is what I believe; If you truly are a n-th degree alcoholic, some life changes have to occur before you find lasting sobriety. For me, these changes involved changing my entire life. This sounds extreme but it really is not. Alcohol had so disrupted the way that brain processed and perceived information that I was not even able to understand what real change was about.

So, to keep it simple, which I still try to do this day, just begin by changing the way you do one or two simple things. You must begin teaching your brain that it is perfectly safe to attempt different things and the same things in different ways. The simple measure of speaking to someone else in recovery is a huge step -even if it means just typing a few words.

Change happens if you give it permission to do so. At six months, the few times that I reached, my life was so on track. But each time I failed, it was preceded by the "thought" that Firewater could help me to "feel" better with it in my system.

My current sobriety effort finds me 1 month shy (April 1 quit date) of 1 full year of contented-meaningful sobriety. I have committed myself to not trying to fool myself this go-around; becoming sober can(is) be brutally hell. And with me, each attempt becomes even more brutally painful. The illusion offered by the results of the intake of Firewater is so powerful, the mind is usually just unable to know the truth and it eventually gives in to the illusion unless you have made certain and necessary changes.


In summary, at six months you are home free except for the occasional "thoughts". But it is those occasional thoughts that will take you right back. I always remembered saying "You know, it just was not that difficult to stop". LOL x 10. And as far as counting days, etc., I really don't like doing that myself. But here is what I can tell you (and what most any real alcoholic can tell you) and that is this; we know the last day or two when we put the plug in the jug. There are no words that really describe the reality of being free from alcohol once you gain that true freedom.

I hope that there is at least one other person that finds this information helpful in their own path to freedom because that will then make two of us.

[lead366]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

Excellent post SW....I appreciate the "home free" comment after 6 months and thats what I am gunning for. Feeling pretty at day 33...but agree that by NO WAY am I outta da woods. Can you expand on this comment for us?...for clarity purposes?....

"Firewater is so powerful, the mind is usually just unable to know the truth and it eventually gives in to the illusion unless you have made certain and necessary changes."

[spiderwoman]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

Hi lead, not sure which bit you mean in my post

Well done on your 33 days, it would have been around that point I joined MWO because I was sort of mentally stumbling about thinking that I'd managed the quit - true in that I hadn't had a drink in over a month but was feeling really lonely, things were bad on a domestic front. We had got through Christmas with his parents staying which was dreadful apart from the AL issues and were at some low point late January which is a dire time of year anyway and I really felt the need to speak to people who really "got it", MWO was full of them and without the support here I'd never have got the rest of the way.

I was really lucky in that I didn't have very many physical symptoms other than the relentless exhaustion which helped in a bizarre way because I was in bed by 8.30 most nights cutting down the temptation time. Even now though, there are still times when I think a glass of wine would be nice so force myself to continue the thought process through to what would happen when I finished that glass and face the fact I wouldn't be happy until the bottle was gone, then I would have to go and get another (we have a convenience supermarket over the road which is very bad news for a drinker) and then I would drink until I passed out. In the morning I would say never again, until wine o clock! Facing the fact there is no way I can ever have even one without devastating consequences was probably the hardest bit but once that is truly acknowledged without shame - and sometimes that means going public, its downhill all the way. I have had to admit to colleagues the real reason why I don't drink and haven't for a while now; not one has been critical, several have looked shocked and considered their own drinking patterns then said "I couldn't do it".

Whatever life throws at you, eventually you realise a hangover isn't going to help - that's another thing I've learnt here.

[spiritwolf333]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

lead366;1636091 wrote: Excellent post SW....I appreciate the "home free" comment after 6 months and thats what I am gunning for. Feeling pretty at day 33...but agree that by NO WAY am I outta da woods. Can you expand on this comment for us?...for clarity purposes?....

"Firewater is so powerful, the mind is usually just unable to know the truth and it eventually gives in to the illusion unless you have made certain and necessary changes."

Hi Lead -Perhaps an example might help me try to explain and thanks for asking.

I remember an occasion, when after six months+ of abstinence, I decided to take just "one" drink:

I recall having had a very good and productive week. On the Friday of that week, I thought to myself that "wow, this has been a really good week. maybe a Friday night drink to relax and enjoy the good times would be nice". I further remember telling myself that I could have just one and that I now had control over the alcohol. That Friday evening, I decided NOT to drink -only after further self-debate. In fact, the next morning (Saturday), I could not believe that I was even considering drinking. I even recall myself saying "Those in the know are right. Alcohol really is cunning-baffling-MADNESS"

Fast forward to the next Friday. I experienced an even better week than the week prior. Had some really good long-term projects come to fruition. Once again, I start dancing with the drink thought. That Friday night, I had my celebratory "controlled" drink (3ea). Within two weeks of that Friday night, I was back in full craving mode. I toyed with fire and got burned again.

It is my opinion that people only drink alcohol for one reason and that is to change the way that feel. If you end up drinking x amount for a certain period of time, your brain chemistry-functioning will change and the alcohol "thought" pathway will be with one forever. Therefore, reprogramming the brain to respond differently is the key to long term sobriety -at least this is my uneducated opinion.

[lead366]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

Thanks Spirit:

Agreed......neuropathway memory. Your opinion seems quite educated. My take is that the ONE DRINK...brings back all the crap....and immediately FIRES UP...those pathways that we are trying to cover up with different healthy habits. I guess thats why its soooo important to KILL that dance in your head as soon as the alcohol thought pops up. Yes--KILL IT!

Like your quote says....Im trying to act my way into right-thinking....and you are helping me.


Thanks

[spiritwolf333]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

Tavistock;1635617 wrote: Thank you to everyone here who posted. This thread is priceless! I've finally come to the point where if I don't stop today, I may never have that choice again.

I wound up in urgent care last Sunday because my throat and neck were swelling up. I was home alone and had to drive myself which apparently was a terrible idea and the doc informed me in no uncertain terms to never do that again.

I am a very allergic person and don't know yet what caused that reaction (2nd time in 2 years). I am going to an allergist on Tuesday. I cannot drink because I am home alone until next weekend when my youngest comes home from college for spring break. My fear is I will drink, pass out and my throat will close up. end of story.

I am latching onto this fear to keep me sober. I have a full bottle of wine that I am dumping out right now. I have 2 epi pens in case of emergency.

Day 1. I swear this will be the last day 1.

Tavis -Hi, I just now read your post. I really do hope you are doing ok. Sounds like you are on that alcohol hell journey.

For me, unfortunately, I never found enough fear to keep me from drinking. But what I did find was a way to begin perceiving life from a totally different angle and that was what I needed.

I hope you find the help and path that you need. That throat closing up scenario sounds quite discouraging.

Thanks for posting.

[hillsidetime]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

Hi everyone,
Guit, this is a great thread idea.

There has been lots of valuable ideas and experiences already shared. Looking back now, it is amazing to think about digging myself out of rock bottom. I came very, very close to losing my job, my license, my marriage, my kids, my dignity...all because of my relationship with alcohol. I am so very glad that I not longer have, or wish to have alcohol in my life.

To answer your question, this web site had a lot to do with my success. Reading, writing, talking, going in the live chat, sharing with other people who know how you feel. Learning from others here, was of paramount importance.

I think learning the concept (on this site from others) about how cravings come in waves, and how I can expect them, and they will pass, and I just have to hold on during the craving. Knowing this gave me some power, when I had to hold on for dear life, and fight a craving

[hillsidetime]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

and we do have to fight, and hold on, and battle. It is so easy to just give in, and lie to ourselves that we have a functional relationship with alcohol. It is such an evil, tricky enemy. Surfing the cravings was huge.

Another thing I did was buy cases of club soda, soda water, perier water etc, and this allowed me cold carbonated beverages, which helped with the physical habit of cracking a beer all the time. I would add a shot of grapefruit juice in the soda water, and this helped also to fight sugar cravings.

I think that one of the hardest things we have to do, is get through the first family meal, the first Christmas party, the first reunion etc, when everyone notices we are not drinking. It is not fun. This is a huge battle. We have to take it on the chin, and get through. Simply saying I don't drink anymore. When they ask why, I would say I like myself sober, or I don't want to drink anymore (at least that is what I remember). These social occasions cause a lot of stress. I would get a glass of coke and ice, and carry that around, and most people assumed I was drinking alcohol. There was not as much of a spot light on me as I feared. So, getting through these first social evenings, and certainly dodging some of them, was a huge step.

[spiritwolf333]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

hillsidetime;1636430 wrote:
Another thing I did was buy cases of club soda, soda water, perier water etc, and this allowed me cold carbonated beverages, which helped with the physical habit of cracking a beer all the time. I would add a shot of grapefruit juice in the soda water, and this helped also to fight sugar cravings.

I think that one of the hardest things we have to do, is get through the first family meal, the first Christmas party, the first reunion etc, when everyone notices we are not drinking.

Good insight Hill. Lol on the carbonated water. On my first attempt at sobriety, my now adult kids could not understand this huge change in my drinking habits. No more beer and lots and lots and lots of soda water/Perrier. Funny thing is this: My now adult sons like sparkling water (kind of unusual from what I have seen). You are spot on about it being a great initial helper.

What is strange is the fact that when in my first early attempts of sobriety, I was so worried about what others might think when I stopped drinking. I would say "Damn, what are they going to think about me". As my future attempts to quit became more progressive, I found myself not giving a rats arse what others thought. Maybe I came to realize that I was just not that important to others in their thoughts about my alcohol intake. Whatever, bottom line is this: IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR STATE OF WELLBEING. Easy to say but not always so easy to feel this way.

Enjoyed reading your post.

[little beagle]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

I agree. I honestly belive that Byrdie has it right. People arr more worried about what is in their glass then what is in yours. When going to a social gathering I am unsure of, I always bring my own drinks. And I have one in hand when I get there.

[lead366]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

I agree---I could not give a F*&k about what others think. I only care about being well. My guess is that others will feel uncomfy because they will review their own habits...thats why they don't wanna be around us. Thats fine and ok.

Ive now had three people in the last 20-30 days tell me they are concerned about their habit...and they should be. So?........I guess we are on the right path. Trudge on my friends..We are doing the right thing.

[frances]

How did you get to 6 months AF?

These posts have been very helpful to me - good friend and major drinking friend just emailed me about going to happy hour soon. I want to see her and know that I don't want to drink so I've been thinking about what I will say. I will just tell her I'm not drinking but would still like to see her. To be completely honest I've been thinking that I could see her and have a glass of wine but now I realize I'm fooling myself. I would just get back to where I always get when I try that. Why is that fact so damn hard to let myself understand?! And if she asks for more details I will tell her I have been drinking way too much, every day, and I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm pretty sure she could relate but not sure whether she would admit that to herself.