after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

[roxane]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

breaking bad? you wont regret it.

then start the whole series again, it bears watching more than once.

[ninja]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

Ha ha, I dont know what ill do after tonight, ill probably have to watch it again, there is talk of a Saul Goodman spin off...that could be good.

[damo180]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

It will get easier Ninja , and please believe me , you wont regret getting sober.
Hope you can do it and wishing you well

Damo in Dublin

[available]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

Ninja no one understands the struggles we go through except for another alcoholic. my children are supportive but they dont understand the mind battles i used to go through daily, the thoughts that were constant. they thought they did and they tried their hardest to help but they did not get it and its hard to explain except to another alcoholic. To us it is just getting through hour by hour, minute by minute. I put it down to being like childbirth, it will be over eventually and it was.

I have not watched breaking bad, have all the dvds so am going to take them on holidays with me, that will keep me occupied.

You are sounding better and that is such a good thing, keep it up and keep trying, that is all we can do and enjoy your break, its better af.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

Hi Ninja!
Before you discredit the 18 days you lived, where you avoided alcohol, and before you completely overshadow your ACCOMPLISHMENTS, can we do a re-wind please?

Look back at those 18 days... or 432 hours.... or 25,920 minutes of your life...
Were there times where you felt stress and you could have had a little drink to "take the edge off"?
Were there times when you felt bored (during the day) where you could have had a little sip because there was nothing better to do?
Were there times when something happy made you think that you and your wife should celebrate with "just one"?

Chances are, yes, yes, and yes! And yet, you made it, everyday. You fought the temptation, and you got your mind diverted- you found something else to do- you chose a different drink.
:yougo:

Part of forgiving yourself may be to confess to your wife, about your one slip up. You know yourself, and your wife.... I can tell you that I'm a former smoker, and whenever my husband "sneaks" a cigarette, I can smell it a mile away. If you keep the "secret" between you and the bottle, then does it give alcohol a chance to knock on the door on Monday morning, for "just one"? Only you can answer that question.

Your wife is part of this journey, and to let her know that you did make a mistake, but that you are now back on track will keep your conscience clear. Will she be angry or hurt? Possibly. But is she there for you, forever more? It takes a lot of courage on your part to be honest, but it takes the power away from the bottle and back onto your shoulders. :h Be proud of your accomplishment!

The important thing is that YOU are in control now, not the whiskey, or the bourbon, or the dreaded vodka. YOU. Yes, you missed one day, but you are now continuing your path, without alcohol in it.

Hugs! Patty :l

[ninja]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

Yesterday went well, we were busy all day but I didnt even think about drinking. I did think back over the 18 days and the 4 month before that and thought about how good it felt not to have that guilt feeling or feelings of impending doom.
I dont think telling my wife will accomplish anything, maybe that is just me being selfish. I was honest with her in October when i quit and at the begining of this month when i slipped up but i will talk to her more about how im feeling day to day. She plans to give up smoking soon and is notoriously bad for getting too wound up and buying tobacco before the day is out so she will have a better understanding (l'll be giving up smoking too).
Today we are going for a sponsored walk with the kids but I feel positive and quite happy, a good wee run up to monday.

[available]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

Good to hear you are sounding so much more positive than your first post Ninja, really happy for you. if you dont feel comfortable telling your wife then dont, you have mwo to tell and someone is always around to vent. I used to tell my children how i felt when i gave up drinking and they were very supportive but now its like another day but i know i can always rely on their support. my mission is to give up smoking next but i am going to thailand in a week or so and they are so cheap so when i get back it will be my 50th birthday present to myself and god help anyone around me is all i will say......

it does feel great to be sober doesnt it, i cant remember what it feels like to drink but i will never forget the memories of being drunk and blacking out, falling over etc etc etc.

[ninja]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

We have had a busy wee morning and some sunshine which is rare for the west coast of Scotland but starting to feel the craving now, my plans are to help my daughter with a school project then make a nice sunday dinner.
I can feel myself getting wound up there is plenty to keep my mind off it and since there is no alchohol in the house temptation is not here, just the anxiety but its better than the horrible guilt feeling.

[available]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

The anxiety sucks Ninja but more so when you wake up the next morning after al. read your first post for some motivation as to why you do not drink.

You are doing so well and no guilt for you if you stay af. do not go out of the house if you have no al. anything that sets a trigger try and avoid for the time being. spend time with your family and be proud that you are af. waking up tomorrow af is the best feeling and you can do this.

if you feel the need pm me for a chat. proud of you Ninja for what you are doing and how your total mindset has changed. you are strong and can do this.

[ninja]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

Today being day 4 was much better, I volunteered at our local country park with the rangers, it was great and kept me busy outdoors all day.
its a job ive always wanted to do and as it doesnt look like ill be returning to my debt recovery job (its been hellish since the American firm took over) it a good way to get a foot in the door and going to look into all the courses I can do to help.
Im npt getting any younger so at 34 im looking to starting a whole new life, alchohol free.

[available]

after 18 days I caved, feel so ashamed.

Sounding good Ninj and great on day 4. I wish i had decided to stop drinking at 34 and not 49 but cant change the past. You have already started your life af so keep it going. Any courses you could do to help you along with getting the job you want.