Hello, it has been awhile since I have dropped in here, but I felt in my heart I needed to tell my story again, I hope it helps to those who are still fighting the fight.
I started drinking around the age 17, mostly on weekends, did many things I am not proud of and many things I can not remember. After I had my second child I decided to stay home to raise them, I also began to drink more, after my third child the drinking really started. I would wait till 12:00 most of the time, sometimes earlier and start off with beer, by about 3:45 when it was time to pick up my kids at the bus stop, I was already buzzed, my husband would come home, I would have another beer and then switch to wine. After I put the kids to bed and had a few more glasses of wine, now drunk, I would watch some tv, not remembering what it was that I was watching the next day, fall asleep and start this nightmare all over again. I would hide the beer cans in the trash down as deep as I could get them and then go out buy some more, so that my husband would hopefully not know just how much I was drinking.
Everyday I would say this is it, this is the day I quit, to only find myself cracking open another beer because I felt as though I was going to jump out of my skin. After my third child started kindergarten I got a part time job in hopes it would slow down my drinking, could not drink during the afternoon, if I was not home to do so. Well, it did help to slow it down, now instead of drinking, oh I don't know 10 - 15 drinks a day, I would drink about 4 to 5 giant glasses of wine and maybe a beer. Which would wake me up every morning around 2:00 am feeling guilty that I drank so much wine, even though I was not drunk when I went to bed anymore at least not durning the week, I knew I should not be drinking so much. Weekends I would go back to my old routine and usually get drunk at least one of the days.
I can't tell you how many school functions for the kids I missed because I had to much to drink and didn't want to risk driving to the school or how many parties they missed because I didn't want to leave the house on the weekend, I would rather drink. The sadness in my heart was huge, I wanted so much to not drink. Then I found this site and people who are going through what I was going through. I did not want to go to AA meetings I was afraid someone would know me there, then my dirty ugly secret would get out, that I am a drunk.
So I buried myself here, many many hours just reading other stories, tears pouring down my face, with hurt not just for myself but for everyone here going through the same thing. But I was determined to not give up and keep fighting, I knew God was convicting my heart on this issue and I finally realized if I just give it to him, he will see me through, I belive it was through God that led me here. I also finally believed if I don't give up he will set me free and he did. Happy to say it will be four years this summer and I could not be more happy. I guess the point I am trying to get at, is don't give up, don't stop fighting, it's a fight worth figting. I will be praying for all of you, that your day will come and it will, when you can look back and say I won.
Two
I started drinking around the age 17, mostly on weekends, did many things I am not proud of and many things I can not remember. After I had my second child I decided to stay home to raise them, I also began to drink more, after my third child the drinking really started. I would wait till 12:00 most of the time, sometimes earlier and start off with beer, by about 3:45 when it was time to pick up my kids at the bus stop, I was already buzzed, my husband would come home, I would have another beer and then switch to wine. After I put the kids to bed and had a few more glasses of wine, now drunk, I would watch some tv, not remembering what it was that I was watching the next day, fall asleep and start this nightmare all over again. I would hide the beer cans in the trash down as deep as I could get them and then go out buy some more, so that my husband would hopefully not know just how much I was drinking.
Everyday I would say this is it, this is the day I quit, to only find myself cracking open another beer because I felt as though I was going to jump out of my skin. After my third child started kindergarten I got a part time job in hopes it would slow down my drinking, could not drink during the afternoon, if I was not home to do so. Well, it did help to slow it down, now instead of drinking, oh I don't know 10 - 15 drinks a day, I would drink about 4 to 5 giant glasses of wine and maybe a beer. Which would wake me up every morning around 2:00 am feeling guilty that I drank so much wine, even though I was not drunk when I went to bed anymore at least not durning the week, I knew I should not be drinking so much. Weekends I would go back to my old routine and usually get drunk at least one of the days.
I can't tell you how many school functions for the kids I missed because I had to much to drink and didn't want to risk driving to the school or how many parties they missed because I didn't want to leave the house on the weekend, I would rather drink. The sadness in my heart was huge, I wanted so much to not drink. Then I found this site and people who are going through what I was going through. I did not want to go to AA meetings I was afraid someone would know me there, then my dirty ugly secret would get out, that I am a drunk.
So I buried myself here, many many hours just reading other stories, tears pouring down my face, with hurt not just for myself but for everyone here going through the same thing. But I was determined to not give up and keep fighting, I knew God was convicting my heart on this issue and I finally realized if I just give it to him, he will see me through, I belive it was through God that led me here. I also finally believed if I don't give up he will set me free and he did. Happy to say it will be four years this summer and I could not be more happy. I guess the point I am trying to get at, is don't give up, don't stop fighting, it's a fight worth figting. I will be praying for all of you, that your day will come and it will, when you can look back and say I won.
Two
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