Thanks Everyon

[chilli]

:thanks: Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for you replies, it just makes you feel amazing when you log on and there are all these people who care, and your dont even know me.
'AMAZING'
I read something that one of your said about the black out, the hangovers, checking the phone unexplained bruises, it just hit home, so many times i wake up in the morning not knowing what time i went to bed, if i rang anyone I hate answering the phone the next day incase it is someone ringing to say that we had arranged something and i hadnt remembered, dont know wether any of you have felt that.
I am just so sick of letting everyone down (including myself) the amount of times i have said i will not drink again is just depressing. Everytime i let myself down i just sink even lower and hate myself more, which just makes me want to drink so i can not feel or think about the shame, when does it stop. People just say dont drink, is sounds so easy dosnt it, i wish it were that easy.
I dont see many people socially, only at work and they have know idea about my drinking problem. My friends do but they dont really ring much now as they are sick of the depression and continueal dramas in my life , (cant say i blame them i am sick of them too). If you listen to that new book the secret i have attracked all this, more depression its like saying i brought all this on myself (god that is awful). isnt it ironic when you need people the most you just seem to push them away . Anyway enough depression cant wait for this book and stuff to arrive so i can begin the healing.
take care and thanks again for listening.

[Beaches]

Thanks Everyon

Chilli,
Before I came here I was in the same place as you. I am not saying that I am perfect and that I never have a bad night. I can tell you that my bad nights are very few and far between now though. I used to hate waking up in the morning and wondering what happened the night before. The mental torture I would put myself through was more than any other human on the face of the earth could ever put me through. The sad thing is ....is that I would be home. Home with my children and family. I would have no recollection of when they went to bed or of any conversations I had with my husband and I hated that.
Today I am a very different person, thanks to this site. You can do it too. Hang in there. We are behind you every step of the way.

[chilli]

Thanks Everyon

Beachs,
It makes me feel so much better when i read the progress everyone is having i feel a glimer of hope, I am so ashamed of what i have put my children through, they are amazing and never ever judge me and always say mum you werent that bad its ok. I feel sick when i think of the memories they will have of me . You think that would be motivation eough to stop drinking, but no i am to pathetic to even do it for my kids. I havent done anythink really that bad just getting really drunk and stumbling around then going to bed but who wants there children to look back on there childhood with those memories, and your right no one can punish you like you punish your self...
i can not wait to fell like you

[MDBiker]

Thanks Everyon

Chilli, we are all much alike. And we are all just getting started. You can do this.

bear

[chilli]

Thanks Everyon

Bear, god i hope your right, because i dont think i can do this for much longer, its like tourcher, and worse still its self inflicted

[MDBiker]

Thanks Everyon

chilli I think you are jumping in over your head when you still don 't have the necessary life saving equipment. When you get all the stuff for he program RJ has set up, you will have a better chance of getting through. Hang in there,

bear

[julie001]

Thanks Everyon

Chilli,

Are your kids young? I was just sharing a wonderful memory with my 13 yearold from when he was younger, and he had no recall of it. I was like "Are you're kidding?" but he was adament that he had no memory of that. At least I'm able to remember those precious moments. Anyway, the point I was making is your kids may not remember a lot about your drinking days--escpecially if your filling your days now with positive things. Your kids will definitely feel the benefit of that. Good luck. You can do this.

Julie

[boycie]

Thanks Everyon

Chilli, hang it there buddy, I couldn't do it for my partner or my children so don't feel like you are the only one. Your kids will ultimatley respect you for the strength you are showing just recognising you have issues and getting help. Mate we are all on this long road together. PM me anytime mate if I can help out alway there fore you. Love the name to, hot stuff hey!!! My whole house is filled with chilli stuff I even have a chilli tattoo!!! Good luck Kim

[ScoobyDoo]

Thanks Everyon

Chilli, I'm also in Sydney. North hills.

I think MDBiker is right... ease up on yourself until the tools have arrived. This will also give you time to think about a plan for yourself. It took me a while to work out what I wanted to start with and that was no alcohol on school nights. I'm now doing that. I go running in the evenings instead of reaching for the wine.

It is also incredible how alcohol is a real depressant. It's not until you have some AFD's that you realise how much it was dragging you down.

Hang in there chick.

Scoob xo