Laws of attraction

[Bean]

I don't know if I first read about this here or on another site but it seems to keep appearing in my life and I had a wierd/not nice experience tonight. Feeling the need to write it down. For anyone who doesn't know, the LOA is (oh, god I used to be really articulate and good at explaining things) about (I think) having an intention to have or acheive something and then it manifesting itself. Loosely speaking it's along the lines of 'you are what you think about' and visualisation etc. It can work in a negative direction as well.

Ok I really dont think I've explained that well but hopefully some of you will get me. Last night I went out, got drunk, had a good time but felt pretty awful all day, especially because I had decided to be AF for the coming week starting Friday. Today I had friends over for lunch. Was not in a good state although managed to get up and cook but could hardly eat. They brought me a bottle of wine and drank half of it with lunch. I have really realised this weekend that I cannont have alcohol in the house because I drank the remaining half after they had gone. I don't know why. I didn't want it, I didn't really like it, I felt relief that it was nearly gone during the second glass but by the 3rd and final glass I wa getting twitchy and feeling that I wanted more. Then got really tearful and sad thinking about my ex and watching the clock, fighting internally about whether to get another bottle. I wrestled with myself thinking about how embarrassing it would be to go to the shop at 9.55pm for a bottle of wine on a sunday night and feeling sad about having this problem that torments me.

Wiped my tears away, put on my shoes and headed out. Saw a guy staggering along at the top of the street but I was walking quickly and ended up ahead of him. I could see someone in the shop buy a bottle of wine as I approached and I thought 'so I'm not the only one...' and then the drunk guy came in. As he brushed past me he said 'are you an alcoholic?' and I said (lied) 'no'. He replied 'well why are you looking at the wine then?' as he swayed and slurred and got himself some beers. I went to pay and again he approached saying 'are you on your own tonight?' and I asked him to leave me alone and left.

I feel so two faced. I scorned that guy for being obviously drunk but he exposed me (if only to myself). He knew, as I do and most/all of you that 'normal' drinkers do not buy wine at 10pm on a sunday night. I feel so lonely and lost in this struggle today. I want to stop. I am scared I will kill myself with this addiction but I don't seem to have the necessary committment to change. Dont know where to go from here. :upset:

[Determinator]

Laws of attraction

Bean, you bring back a lot of my own tormented memories and I feel for you.
anybody that says this is going to be easy has never been in our shoes...it's bloody hard.
it's also the most important thing we will ever do....to get this under control. You don't have to "bottom out" as they say...you can stop this elevator whenever it occurs to you that you are really ready. It's very different for everyone depending on how private you are, your social situation etc etc. Have you downloaded and read the MWO book? it's a great start. In fact I think I'm due to re read it myself. Stay with us friend and no giving up ok?

[southernbelle47]

Laws of attraction

Hi Bean...
I do understand what your saying about the law of attraction.....
I'm just not real sure that you attracted alcohol to you last night.
Do your "friends" know that you are working on being abs?

I don't do well if people around me are drinking. It makes me "antsie'.
Maybe you could explain to them that for health reasons...you've cut it out for awhile?
Some support would really help, wouldn't it?
Be good to yourself...forgive yourself, get back up and start again...how ever many times it takes.
Add all the "tools" you can find to your toolbox and keep them close.
Choose life.

:l Nancy

[MDBiker]

Laws of attraction

D's right. You can stop this, but you need to go "All In". Stay with us and get on with the system. You can do this but it is not without a lot of comittment

Bear

[ScoobyDoo]

Laws of attraction

Bean, I was on the phone with my sister earlier, having a heart to heart. She told me about a D&A doctor giving a speech once about alcohol. He said "Alcohol is insidious in that the more you drink, the more you want to drink... and that the opposite is also true. The less you drink, the less you want to drink"... pretty good huh? It's oh so true for me!

Hugs from me.

Scoob

[Bean]

Laws of attraction

I have told some of my friends and they are supportive but it's ME. I am the one who needs to get on top of this and I can't seem to find any lasting strength or willpower. have pretended my car has broken down today. I really hate myself and everything that alcohol makes me say and do.

[Bean]

Laws of attraction

thanks for your replies. with the Law of attraction thing I was thinking that maybe it was 'meant' for me to run into that drunk guy and for him to say what he did. It really got to me. I think I am even in denial about being in denial!

I have got the book and might try to read it again today. I don't like the idea of taking pills (and in truth feel like this is something I should be able to just quit without medication but experience proves otherwise...) Why is it so hard to face the truth?

[Beaches]

Laws of attraction

Bean, I think you are doing a pretty good job right now at facing the truth just by reading your posts. I also agree in the Law of Attraction and I would be thinking the same thing as you if I had run into that man when I was buying the wine. Like there must have been some reason that we were both there at the exact same time and for him to have said that when you were feeling the way that you did. Maybe you are right that it is the wake up call you were waiting for.
I used to play the mental games with myself as well t hen I just got sick and tired of the games and decided that I wanted my life to be in control. You will get there too, you really will. Keep coming here and talking and getting support, it makes a difference.

[garden girl]

Laws of attraction

bean ,You have faced the truth as we all have on this site. The truth being that we all know we have a problem with alcohol, although we are all at different stages. The hard part is not the accepting of the truth but the accepting that to try and sort the problem out we have actually got to do something about it. Thats the hard bit because in order to do something about it we have to cut down or cut out the alcohol. The guilt you feel, the mixed up feelings, the low self esteem are what everyone feels, I do, so accept those feelings, read the posts and get strength from them, you need now to switch your thinking round, focus not on how you are feeling but on what you can positively do to help yourself, I have recently done weeks of CBT and one thing I learnt is to approach your problems from a different angle. My old behaviour was to allow myself to be overwhelmed with my guilt feelings, and my lack of willpower to stop drinking. Now I try to look at each day and when I start to feel overwhelmed I try to focus not on how I feel but what I can do to make myself feel better. I am only just beginning this journey to finally sort my drinking out, I keep having slips but I am determined to get up and keep going, it doesnt matter how long it takes us to get to the top of the mountain as long as each day we travel in the same direction. hope this helps, I am always better at giving advice than being able to follow my own. xx

[dilayne]

Laws of attraction

Bean, you are on the path and it can be a zig zaggy road. Your LOA story is very powerful. I can see how you attracted 'honesty' to yourself...the fact that you saw the lesson in your experience..the man in the shop, is very powerful..your perception and openess to the truth overpowered the temptation towards denial. The next step is to take action on the truth..let that fuel your daily, or hourly commitment to wholeness!
Namaste!
d

[Pisces]

Laws of attraction

I did the same thing

Only I thought that by buying two bottles of wine, I wouldn't need to go back, ( I drank them alone) after a bit of twitching, and knowing all the bottle shops would be closed, I walked to the local club and bought a cask of wine and a bottle of beer, because theres a 10 dollar limit on efpos, I'm thankfull that after two glasses of the cask wine I emptied it down the sink, but I have to admit, due to the hangover from what I'd already had, I drank the beer the next day, and felt like shit, I sobered up and didn't sleep for two nights.

I do well for a while, and then it's like 'boom' I don't even get to think about it, and there I am, not sipping, but guzzling. It's been my escape for so long, but I know in my heart that it isn't and spend alot of time feeling ashamed.

But I refuse to give up on giving up, and I'm having more days AF than ever before,

I pray for God to help us all, and I know that God helps those who help themselves, so ultimately it's up to me.

But I understand what your going through and send my love and best wishes.

Jasmin xxx

[southernbelle47]

Laws of attraction

Ohhhhh.....OK Bean......I "get" it now....the law thing you were talking about..

Here, I would call that a "God stop"...
I've had many of those!
It is when something happends and you say to yourself..."oh yeah".....I'm NOT alone in this......

You have more power than you give yourself credit for.......
Keep looking for That and be empowered by that Force that is within you.

:l Nancy

[Bella]

Laws of attraction

Bean, I have read all the replies you have got and there is some very good advice for you to hear and act on. Easier said than done eh? Maybe that man being in the shop and saying what he said, just brought it home to you. God, I know how you feel. This is so hard and you probably just want to stop all these bad feelings of guilt and low self-esteem. Small steps is what i say. Just try to stay off the drink for one day or 1 hour etc. Don't go too fast and don't give up. You sound like a bright, intelligent person and you are worth so much. You probably don't feel very strong at the moment but you are very strong and coming here and being honest proves that. I do feel for you and keep posting. Bella xxx

[Happier]

Laws of attraction

Bean,
What a powerful story!
I think that was one of your guardian angels. I really do! I think things happen for a reason and it wasn't meant to make you feel guilty but to try to help you ease yourself out of the situation you are in. See, now you are gong to read the MYO book!
Be good to yourself Bean! We are all here for the same reason!

[Bean]

Laws of attraction

Thank you all. It really does help to have support on here. I felt really low today but just starting to perk up again on reading everyone's comments. I also found out this evening that I didn't get a job I really wanted but I am not drinking and won't be for the rest of the week. I agree that everything happens for a reason and I do think that maybe the drunk guy did me a real favour. The thing that strikes me as quite weird about him saying what he did is that I wasn't obviously drunk and am fairly presentable so there were no outwardly visible clues that I am an alcoholic (apart from it being 10pm on a sunday night!).
So I am feeling a kind of new resolve and determination to do this where I think I wasn't truly committed before. I told my flatmate today that I hate people who complain about something endlessly but do nothing about it - well I have become that person where drinking is concerned so I am going to change that. Will let you know how i get on. Bean x