Army Thread POETS day 11 April

[sweetpea29]

Army Thread POETS day 11 April

mollyka;1647599 wrote: imo - the head is all there is -- well, a bitta knowledge is handy too -- it's taken me almost a year since I knew I would WANT to quit -- and that's only getting as far as Day 4 --- why in gods name wud anyone laugh at ya???? this is feckin hard too --- but............. to be continued.........................

......................... imvho -- the booze was much much - millions times scarier --- cos the booze was my lifestyle --- it had almost become 'me' --- it was what I AM/was --- whereas - the cigarettes were/are just a support - a 'go to' thing --- well - that's just me anyway..... completely different ---- and therefore -- I'm fucked if I'm going to let cigarettes beat me when I was able to eliminate the grog- THAT'S probably my 'hanging on by my fingernails' tool:H

Did you really consider ending it all Sweetie --- like REALLY? I know I've often said it here --- the way grog numbed me I just didn't care if I lived or died --- but don't think I ever got to that stage........ (there's a 'yet' in there, isn't there:H)

Much as it saddens and near shames me to say it- yeah Molls, I did see it as a viable option. I couldn't imagine myself living with the guilt, shame and whatever else goes with being an alcoholic in this society. I imagined that one day I would be outed at work or 'done' on my way to work and bam that'd be it- me busted, shamed, ostracised etc.. Losing my job would be such a major blow on so many levels and I imagined if that happened my only way out would be leaving this world. As I say it saddens me to even think that I thought like that....

On a brighter note the car passed MOT :yay:

Didn't like Friends, Sex and City was ok, loved Absolutely Fabulous!!

Molls- how does Jilly see Blanche in you???!!!

[sweetpea29]

Army Thread POETS day 11 April

mollyka;1647742 wrote: I believe the original was fantastic --- but I do have a place in my heart for Kevin Spacey so American it is!!! Sooooo good --- Right --- so much bout not eating --- half a toblerone (giant airport one) and chocolate cake and cream later --- FFS --- today was deffo seat of my pants stuff....... too many days like this I may have to start thinkin of an eCig --- and at this stage I really don't want to...... ain't gonna smoke tho!
May go to bed QUITE soon -- work tomorrow and need to be vaguely calm by then

D'ya know ye can get ecigs with just like menthol or fruity flavours- no nicoteine?! Maybe worth a thought for the angsty times. Ye are doing feckin great tho :goodjob:

[roxane]

Army Thread POETS day 11 April

I'm sure in the dark distant days of February, I mentioned to dream about having an elastic band around the wrist to ping when you need to. And some type of worry beads or suchlike.

Something to fiddle with at least.

[sweetpea29]

Army Thread POETS day 11 April

mollyka;1647756 wrote: I really do understand that -- particularly the work part funnily enough --- I found it was the work part and the functioning within it -- that kept me vaguely a member of the human race --- most of the time I could leave the sneaking hiding shameful bit of me separate --- but if they'd ever merged...... it would have felt there was nothin left.....
Blanche and me???? Even I can see that!!!! Gobby tactless mare:H
Great stuff with the MOT --- delighted!!

I s'pose -- yeah - mebbe -- it would just feel like a bit of a climb down now... I'm feeling good again now --- think it was just being at home and all the triggers --- back garden - patio -- all that sort of stuff ---- anyway --- we'll see:l

:H Ah c'mon Molls yer no more a gobby, tactless mare!!! I nurse plenty like Blanche- love 'em I do! Something about women who reach a certain age- they just say it as it is- sometimes it's cringeworthy tho!

Glad yer feeling good again:l- suppose it's all about riding out the urges, or should that be surfing?! I would need to be away from all humanity for my quit- definitely work anyhows- know would turn into a major psycho-bitch!

Yeah- re the work- without it what's left? Bar drinking more and spiralling more and more down that dark hole... Seeing how alcoholism leaves people both in work and in the family- I would have much preferred to be gone, than lying in some nursing home with brain damage- unable to do anything for myself, lying in the street outside the local offie begging, wandering around the hospital like a person possessed, ye get the picture?!

Gonna head on here- summat I wanna watch... if not back later see yis in the morn xxx (if I rise with the alarm, that is!)

Hope today went as well as it could've Jacks- been thinking of yis xxx

Nighters Molls- the fag-slayer!!

[sweetpea29]

Army Thread POETS day 11 April

roxane;1647760 wrote: I'm sure in the dark distant days of February, I mentioned to dream about having an elastic band around the wrist to ping when you need to. And some type of worry beads or suchlike.

Something to fiddle with at least.

Yo Rox:l How're ye doing this eve?

That must be why men find it easier to quit the smokes....they is good at fiddling with things!! Sorry but that was my immediate thought!

[roxane]

Army Thread POETS day 11 April

Blimey peas, that's some scarey thoughts. Rather close for comfort. :l

Yep, men are good at fiddling with things.