Back and hanging my head

[momofthree]

..

[available]

Back and hanging my head

Hi mom, you are not an idiot for starters, al seems to have a very strong pull for us alkies. Celebrate by buying something other than al, a pedicure, manicure, anything but drinking to celebrate. Just remember everyday af is a good day and you did 7 days which is a great achievement. I think the hardest thing for me was realising that i could never drink again and that means never. When i realised that and i could not moderate then it became easier to not drink.

Pick yourself up and start again, life is so much better as you know. Be strong. head over to the newbies nest and settle yourself in, lots of people around to chat to and help you along.

[momofthree]

Back and hanging my head

Thank you for responding, I think you're right. I don't know why I'm fighting it and in denial that I can't moderate, I just can't drink at all anymore. Period. Why is this such a hard thing to accept?

[NoSugar]

Back and hanging my head

MomofThree,

If you poke around MWO, you'll read versions of your story everywhere. It is just kind of the nature of addiction that this happens. Don't beat yourself up about it -- make a plan for how to cope differently the next time that alcoholic voice starts whispering in your ear. You need to be ready for it because after some success, it will start talking to you.

Hanging out in the Newbies Nest is very helpful, as is reading through the Toolbox. You'll recognize a tool that could work for you when you read it.

Each day, mentally note every little thing that is better about your life when you're not drinking -- be grateful for those changes. With time, you'll realize you have too much to lose if you let AL back in to your life.

All the best, NS

[momofthree]

Back and hanging my head

I keep telling myself and making myself remember what I was like drinking, and also remembering 'not remembering' and racking my brain because I can't remember what I did, what I said, how I got to bed? What time did I get to bed? Who called while I was drinking or who did I call? You would think this would be enough, then after a few days or a week I hear the voice whispering that I need a drink, I deserve it, this time will be different. And it is different alright, sometimes it's a hell of a lot worse.

[available]

Back and hanging my head

Mom it takes people different times to accept that they can never drink again. that is one hard statement to get your head around especially when you have been drinking for so long and its a part of your everyday life. i had a 30 year drinking history which slowly got worse and it was my life, no two ways about it. I failed a few times until i ultimately had to realise that i could not moderate as i started off slow and ended up drinking more, waking up to the same day, hitting the repeat button every afternoon. I still find it hard to accept i cannot drink but it gets easier as time goes on. I dont want to be back to another day 1 so it takes strength and determination each and everyday.

Tonight i would like a drink, just one but who am i kidding, once that taste is in me i am history, i know that. I am on holidays, i want to drink, i want to relax but at the end of the day i wake up sober in the mornings, i remember everything i have done and it is great being af. i am relaxed without al, i realise that.

[momofthree]

Back and hanging my head

Why do we get these thoughts that one drink will be okay, when deep down we know it won't be. We know there is no such thing as one drink, and it always ends up the same way but we talk ourselves into it?? Knowingly. We go out of our way. I'm thankful I don't have any physical withdrawls when I stop, it's all mental and I think that's worse.

[available]

Back and hanging my head

the key is to not give in to those al thoughts as hard as it is. I used to think of my al thoughts as a toddler going on and on and on "mum mum mum mum", you know when you just want them to shut up. I used to tell those thoughts to fark off and they did after about 15 minutes. Its a long 15 minutes but we dont deserve a drink, we definitely dont need one. You have done every day of the week and the first week is the hardest, you dont need to celebrate with al at the end of it. try for the 30 days and see how you feel then. i never in my wildest dreams thought i could do 130 days and i still think it is someone else and not me. I am proud of my achievement and i was like you, everyone on here is like you trying to get al out of their lives.

I always had mwo open 24/7, posted twice a day if not more, actually it was a lot more but i was not going to let al win. if you are accountable on here daily it definitely helps and now when i think i will have a couple of days off here, i cant, i cant let al thoughts into my head. this is my AA

[NoSugar]

Back and hanging my head

The part of your brain that seeks pleasure is not the rationale part of your brain. Right now, the real you is assessing your situation and realizing that you cannot drink. This afternoon, your rationale brain will be hijacked by your primitive, addicted brain unless you put steps in place to prevent that from happening. There is some new research I read about last night that in addicts, the part of the brain that "learns" from negative consequences also is impaired. What a prefect storm! We remember the good parts and forget the bad ... so why not have a drink??? Well, we KNOW why!!

[momofthree]

Back and hanging my head

That makes perfect sense to me. I always find the third day for some reason to be the hardest, then I'm fine till a week goes by and I start getting those thoughts and I give in to them. I feel so weak. I have to toughen up and develop a new way of thinking, learn to accept that they're just thoughts, I don't have to listen to them.

[NoSugar]

Back and hanging my head

Getting this done does involve "changing your brain". Alcohol actually makes physical changes to your brain. Many can be reversed by quitting. But we also have to actively change the way we view alcohol and its role in our lives. That doesn't just happen -- it takes commitment and daily/hourly/minutely WORK! But it IS worth it.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Back and hanging my head

Mom of three, I am Mom of four. You described me- the pretending that wine isn't important, the drinking in excess where there are no memories from the night before, the silent admonitions the next morning, the broken promises that wander thru your mind....

I am a little farther down the path than you- about 2 months ahead, so I have tender feet, but I'm walking forward. Why? The part of my brain that whispers that "you can moderate! " still exists. .. It will be there forevermore. ... But I have to acknowledge its existence, like I would acknowledge tennis elbow, so that I can deal with its existence and then move on, without it controlling my future.

You have some relationships to mend: you can't tell your cousin that you didn't mean it because you were drunk- well, you can, I suppose, but then what? How many free passes do we get for being intoxicated when we were mean spirited? How many times can we say, "sorry, I don't remember that"?

Mom of three, it wasn't until my third child was 18 years old when I finally allowed myself to admit the God's honest truth: he was ashamed of me, or should I say, he was ashamed of my behavior- how horrible to know that my child would not include us in his social life because he didn't want his friends to see his mom casually drink a bottle of wine each night.

Tonight we are having a campfire in our backyard- the first time since he's invited his friends over since ??? ( I can't remember when. .). He's finally trusting his parents to behave. I will not let him down, but I need to also prepare for that flipping voice to invite herself to the party and try to sweettalk me into one little glass.

So do I choose Michael or Merlot?

Be kind to yourself, Momma. .. forgive yourself, but make a plan for your tonight. We are in this place together. Learn from my Michael.

:hug: Patty

[momofthree]

Back and hanging my head

Thank you, that was everything I needed to hear. I don't want to be that Mom, I really don't. And I don't want to be that person I am when I drink. I can't really apologize to her, as I have done it before and it won't mean anything. We never really got a long and it probably will just make it worse if I do. I just have to make sure I don't have another repeat performance. I'll have to give my self talks everyday, come here when I'm weak and having those horrid thoughts again. I don't want to let my husband down, my beautiful girls and more importantly I'm tired of breaking my own promises I made to myself. I tried setting limits, certain times not to drink before and that never works. I just can't drink and I have to stop bringing it into the house.

That is really great that you are having this family time and your son has come around, my family is everything to me. My husband, our girls. They're everything.

[Yourfriend6116]

Back and hanging my head

Hi mom! I'm a mom of 2. Have you tried L-glutamine powder for cravings? It helps me so much. I also know about only making it 1 or 2 days before the cravings win! I read somewhere that after about 3 days with no alcohol your body actually tells you that you need more cause of the lack of alcohol in your system. Be strong you can do it!

[damo180]

Back and hanging my head

Hi mom, you have great advice already here so just want to add my support.
I am hoping you stay AF. It WILL get harder if you keep slipping.
You and your family deserve it and your life will improve in so many ways if you stay away from the booze.
Stick close to this site, log in everyday.
Best wishes.

Damo in Dublin