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    #1

    Right or wrong...

    Woke up feeling horrible... Same ole story. I don't know why I drink.. Nature of the beast I guess. I shared things with my son things I have never told him about myself.... Probably have some damage control to do when he wakes. Told him about some of my past as a kid.

    Ya know... The difference between how he is growing up and how I did... I think it surprised him. Makes me wonder if I should have told him.. He is 15.

    I cried a lot and past out.
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    #2
    Right or wrong...

    BKY children are very resilient creatures but in saying that they can only take so much crap from us. I like you told my children about my past but i have always been honest with them, probably would have been better sober though. They bring up the past and my drunk nights with a laugh, not much laughing on my part i am afraid. Now i am sober 4months they are so proud of me, to be 100% their mum to them is a miracle. They liked the pissed happy mum, not the abusive, cranky, demanding one which is what i was becoming. OUR lives are better for me being sober in so many ways. My children are in their 20's and they were sick of seeing me drunk, embarrassed to ask me anywhere, avoided me, dont let this be your son in ten years time. Give up now and enjoy him.
    AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

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      #3
      Right or wrong...

      Hey BKY.....don't beat yourself up!!! I've always been honest with my children too. And they say they apprieciate it. He's old enough to know some stuff now... .I think. Sometimes I was sober and sometimes I was drinking. I do less crying when I'm sober lol. But I'm a cry baby anyway!!! Lol
      Keep your head up!!!!! It's ok!!!

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        #4
        Right or wrong...

        Thank you for your response. I'm feeling lost and lonely. I am going to stop drinking. I have too. I have such destructive thoughts during and afterward. I feel worthless. I am not though. I got a beat this.

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          #5
          Right or wrong...

          Yoga gurl, one time I went to a family friendly Halloween party and I got totally drunk. As we were at the party, my 22 year old daughter was walking her brothers and sisters home (Of course we were staying late), a neighbor was either drunk or texting and lost control of her car and hit a tree- about 30 feet from where my kids were. I didn't know the lady very well, and she hadn't been at our party, so I was one of the parents minimizing what had happened- she had left the scene, but I figured it was car versus tree, so who cares?

          My daughter was outraged. In retrospect, I get why, but I didn't want to be a drunk parent around when the police showed up- imagine if you are the 22 year old walking her siblings home, & the lady switched her aim and didn't hit the tree, but hit your 12 year old brother- & your drunk mom is saying it's no big deal.

          Wow. The next morning, my phone rang. It was my older sister, my best friend. .. You see, my daughter was so horrified at what I had become, she didn't know who to turn to.

          While I wasn't happy that my daughter tattled on me, a voice in the back of my head understood why. For on that night, I was certainly a role model for my children, sadly, on what not to be.

          The issue with drunk true confessions is that 1. Your son is old enough to understand you are drunk. 2. If you stop drinking and become the role model you should be, your son will always remember your true confession, and God forbid he does go down the wrong path, you've put ammunition in his mind to throw at you: "you should talk Mom, at least I didn't do XXXX... "

          So, what's next, Yoga girl?

          I'm not sugar coating this because even when my sister called me out on my behavior, I honestly didn't change my drinking habits much- I deflected, focused on that lady drinking and driving (I was walking home!), and the pain I caused my daughter was that she understood that at that point in my life, alcohol was more important to me than my for kids were.

          I have 20/20 rearview vision. .. But like you, I must forgive myself and look forward. You owe an apology to your baby, but you also owe a commitment, to both of you, of no repeat performances. While it was wrong, you need to make it right.

          :hug: Patty
          "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
          so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."           :hug:

          Comment

            #6
            Right or wrong...

            Thanks Patty for sharing... Tough pull and thanks for your honesty about deflecting. It takes guts to admit that kind of stuff. Are you sober now?

            As for my addressing my son.
            I actually didn't say anything wrong per say... I just let him know about some of things I was exposed too and how hard it was for and is for me still.. I actually think it made him feel good I opened up to him. He was so sweet to me this morning when I apologized.. He said mom sometimes you just have to let it all out.... I just never want to burden his big strong shoulders with my stuff...
            But a thought just came to my head... Am I showing vulnerability??? I know it wasn't shown in the correct state of mind but maybe I could turn this around into something positive....

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              #7
              Right or wrong...

              Hi, BK!

              I'm sorry that happened, and I hate the way alcohol makes people I care about feel. I think your son will get over it, and I think he'll get over it certainly if three years from now you're talking with him as an adult about the last time he saw you drunk when he was 15...

              Right now - take some time to write down exactly how you feel - the guilt, the fear, the shame - all of it. When you get tempted next time, read what you wrote today and use it to strengthen your resolve. I know you are an otherwise healthy person - focus on your health and activity. Check in here when you're tempted. Visit the toolbox and devise a new plan - you can do this and we're here to help!

              I have kids who are 12 and 15, and I am still working out how to talk to them about my drinking. I just quit without much fanfare - I didn't hang around them much when I was drunk, but certainly when I was drinking. They must notice, and yet haven't said anything. This is just a reminder that alcoholism is not just a problem for the drinker.

              Stay tough, drink lots of water and take care of yourself!

              xo
              Pav

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                #8
                Right or wrong...

                Hi Yoga gurl, you made me cry when I read about your son's reaction, for my youngest is now 16 and I can see him reacting the same way- "outloving" us, with the same kindness that we've given to them. For when we don't drink, we are pretty good moms, aren't we? :l

                I AM sober now, and this has been the strongest I've ever felt about staying that way. In February, I went to visit my ailing father- he was 85 years old, and told us when the hospice nurses came in, that he had lived a good life and had no regrets. Here I was, at 49, thinking that I DID have regrets, and they were all around alcohol. I came back to this web site because my 30 year old niece had self-admitted to a hospital with a .32 BAC but then promptly checked herself out because she couldn't afford the treatment.

                My Uncle (my Dad's younger brother and retired dependency counselor) kept saying to my brother about his daughter: "Stay strong. Get her help. Don't Love Her To Death!" WOW.

                So as I held my dad's hand during his final weeks, I truly recognized the horrible power of this fun drug called alcohol... it's insidious nature to ruin our self-worth.... to undermine our self worth and to ultimately turn us into something we should not be.

                Like you, Pav, I quit without any fanfare. There wasn't a horrible fight, or a night I can't remember, or a horrific car crash- no, just the recognition that if I would die tomorrow, I would not have the peace of heart that my father possessed about having "no regrets".

                My Dad passed away on March 15th. While I miss his physical presence, I can hear his voice telling me that he's proud of me. He always saw the best in his kids, and I will forever honor him.

                :hug: Patty
                "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
                so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."                 :hug:

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                  #9
                  Right or wrong...

                  BK - today is a new day. Keep posting and sharing. You can do this!

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                    #10
                    Right or wrong...

                    Patty- ok you made me cry now... Wow.. I'm sorry for your loss of your dad but love that you can feel him looking down on you. I can feel your love and warmth thru the computer and I'm so sorry that you are watching your niece struggle...

                    Pav & YF- I am feeling loved and cared about. Good stuff. Thank you all for being here today..
                    It's going to make my decision to not drink much easier.

                    Pav- you are right I am really healthy and active so I need to get focused back on that 2 days can't destroy me..

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