The Train Has Derailed!

[Ripley]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hablur

topa is the one thing that made a difference to me. I hope it does the same for you. stick with this my friend. thee are so many people here wanting this to work for you.
Rip x

[hablur]

The Train Has Derailed!

Wow! Such powerful support and words from all of you. Thanks so much. I think I will take up your offer More2life and start my AF. I'll post more on that thread.

I saw the Pdoc today and he is really quit a good guy. He prescribed Topa up to 100mg and will see me in a month to see how I am doing on it (yes I will be titrating up). I gave him all the info on this program and he thoroughly check the site out. He thought it was a good idea but he was very concerned about going up to 300mg's. Apparently that borders on an unsafe dosage according to the literature he has.

I put in the precription today and will pick it up after work. Here goes nothing.. or something really important if you want to look at it that way

[MonaCat]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hablur, what a great doctor you have. I am impressed he checked out this site, and is willing to give you a shot at Topa. Some doctors are afraid to use Topa, since it's not approved yet for alcohol treatment. Best of luck to you.

[Ripley]

The Train Has Derailed!

just to let you know, the topa kicked in for me at 150mg

Rip x

[gabby]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hablur,
After all you have said it is clear to me you have the desire to take control of your drinkin and topa is the only missin piece here. You watch its gonna be soooo much easier once you start that to stay on track. Lottsa hugs....

[Guest]

The Train Has Derailed!

Go see doc........

Hablur, I think MDBiker speaks the truth for many of us...........

MD.............I note you had a breakdown, and know I am so ill with anxiety that I am undoubtedly on the verge of one.

What MD says is right Hablur.........go see your doc and seek his help.........I have an appointment with my doc on Thurs morn., and am going to come clean about my addiction.
I was too ashamed to see doc. until now, but am no longer ashamed-just know I am ill from booze and all the associated anxiety.....want my life back. Will post to let you know what kind of reaction I get from my doc Hablur.

We can do this, but we need help. MDBiker is an inspiration. Chin up Hablur..........know I`ll get sober, and if I can do it, I sure as Hell am taking you with me. My heart goes out to you, Hablur.

Starlight Impress

[happycamper68]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hablur,

Did you have any AF days before you got here? I did not. It also took me a year to get to the best place am I at right now- which is currently 85% AF for the month of May. You need to stay, definitely go to the doc as others suggested. The combo of Naltrexone and Campral seems to be really helping me, but sometimes I just decide that I deserve a few drinks, and I ALWAYS pay for it the next day. I am hoping that eventually that I really don't want to feel that way again, or somehow try to "feel" that awful hangover while sober to break the spell of the craving. We don't get to have that, so all we have is our own will.

Most drinking is premeditated no matter what most say. You have admitted to buying enough for 3 nights straight. Just don't do it and see what happens. Hopefully Topa will really help you!! A lot of people have had success with it for mods and total AF! Hugs, Camper :h

[julie001]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hablur,

Good for you for having the courage to talk with your doctor. I really hope that the topa gives you the momentum that you need. In reference to your first post about changing your homelife...I absolutely agree. It seems one of your triggers is your wife's illness. Understandably, that has to be a lot for both of you to deal with. Have you ever considered a support group--maybe there is even one online (something similar to MYO) so that when you reach the point where you want to turn to alcohol to dull things, you'll have another option. I'm so glad you are here consciously working on a plan for getting control of your life and happiness. Don't give up. Good luck with the topa.

Julie

[ScoobyDoo]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hab... HAB I'm doing a big happy dance for you and for me. I just got my Topa Dopa today too. It finally arrived!

I am really grateful to you for articulating your thoughts Hab. I've been feeling the same way as you. Enormously frustrated with myself but am tryng to cut myself some slack too. As you can see, I am still struggling on Fri-Sun with my intake, and everyone's responses have been helpful to me too.

Thanks Hab and to all who have helped Hab with advice.

Scoob

[amethyst]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hablur-your thoughts are mine-I have told myself no more, told my husband not tonight, but yet I still stop at Trader Joes and stock up-for him, for my adult kids, but really for me to run down the stock and buy more. I have figured I can afford a massage every month and still have savings over the amount I spend on wine. I REALLY like getting a massage. Maybe a monthly massage against a nightly bottle+ would win out? Good luck Hablur, and your honesty is great! You have caused deep and painfuly deep contemplation. THANKS!!!

[music man]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hi Hablur,

I just started here and I have no idea where I will be a month or so down the road. All I know is today is the first time I have been sober for 3 days in a row in about a year. and believe me I tried, many times...

This forum has been very inspiring for me, and I just wanted to let you know that the fact that you are sticking with it despite the setbacks is just as inspiring to me as hearing from someone who has abstained for years.

[goingsobermum]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hi Hablur,
It sounds like you are still on the right track, its just a bit potholed in places, I'm glad you found a doc to prescribe topa. Keep your eyes on the goal and you'll get there.

[Dog Woman]

The Train Has Derailed!

Hablur, I read your post and the others. You don't need to tell us your personal life, but it was interesting to read your post. The words that stood out were something like, my wife is getting sick again and stayed in bed the whole next day....." At that point, coming home, knowing that your wife is sick, you stop and get a beer. It seems as though you have some things going on in your life that are making it difficult. I'll give an example, several years ago our son got arrested for possession and trespass. We went to counseling, probation, etc. It got ugly and then it got better and then ugly and better and so on. I would cope and maintain, but there were times when I just needed to stop feeling; I needed to numb out. I was using beer as a way to cope. What changed? Not much. I did conclude that there was just so much I could do to control another and that at some point, I'd have to say its now your turn. Strange, but when this same son developed testicular cancer, i didn't drink and our life with him became better. It was his wake up call.

I guess what I'm trying to express is that you need to look at your triggers. What in life is causing you to want to zone out. What you are finding that not drinking is not helping you cope with your everyday problems. So, you drink. Start making little changes. Perhaps if your wife is ill, you need to ask for support from family and friends. Perhaps, just changing the routine will help. I know you can't change your life, if you are drinking, but then sometimes life is hard and drinking is the only coping measure available, or so we think.

Here comes a cyber hug.

DW